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Date Posted: 01:32:26 06/04/01 Mon
Author: Bill
Author Host/IP: 209.240.220.167
Subject: Sometimes I Feel Like An Alien

Got out of the house this weekend to visit my cousin and his wife upon their invite for dinner and a movie,
I stayed overnight at their house too. Was nice to get out, what a house, I've been in it once before, it has all the latest features, the two car garage, etc. etc.
The kitchen was stocked to the gills with food, meats, vegetables, fruits, breads, spices, and condiments, and listening to them talk about new purchases (a new computer,etc.) reminds me of the way I go to the store for a half gallon of milk, my cousin and his wife are nice people, but when they asked me how I was doing, I was honest and told them, they were dead silent, they never have known the lengths I've gone to to stay afloat and survive. The very act of selling or pawning, cancelling mutual funds of health insurance, cutting cable, all were very foreign ideas to them and when my cousin asked how much I made, I told him, he went even more silent. I think it dawned on them both what survival really means for some people. Nothing against them, just relating the circumstances, but I just felt so foreign there, listening to them talk of their retirement pensions, investments, etc. etc. It's amazing the way some people have that focus of success smack out of high school and follow it and are fortunate enough never to have to really struggle. NO bitterness, really, just the way it works out for some.
Still feel like an alien being around those so financially solvent, and no pretenses here, if there were ever two financially secure people, it's my cousin and his wife.

Talked with an online friend (not from depression support) tonight, he just relocated to Maryland to start a new job and he knows I've been wanting and trying to make changes, I told him if worse came to worst and I needed to travel light, I'd just pay an auctioneering company to come in, pack up, arrange, and auction my belongings, I would even designate monies from that auction to have someone clean the house,
if I have the opportunity and need to pack up and go and travel light, it's what I'll do. He was dumbfounded, like, you'd really do that???

I guess I've become a hard core survivalist at heart, do what has to be done, I don't have ties to material things, I can get more down the road, my happiness, life direction, and such is of more importance, god, anything else beyond health and a roof above one's head to me is absolute gravy, not even a part of the mashed potatoes.

Oh well, thanks for listening, I know many of you here definitely know what financial struggle is and the sacrifice/survival factor.

Peace,
Bill

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