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Date Posted: 15:45:13 02/12/02 Tue
Author: T. Glocks
Subject: New Maximus Candidate

Hey fools i've been thinking lately about submitting a new name to the members of the drunken board of maximus, mr. bendars and mr. p diddy poppa diddy pop (aka ur daddy or E Chiggity), for the approval of a new maximus award winner. That's right skirts, broads, and fellas, there's a deserving friend among us (well atleast some of us) who has been overlooked. But rather than expose his name immediately, let me tell you a little bit about the candidate and why he deserves some recognition. Well for one thing... the kid had enough sense to bring not one but two full racks up to school with him in his parents' car for that glorious, drunken, carefree era we call orientation. From that moment on, I knew the kid was destined for maximus fame. Ok so on to about the third week of school (us penn staters were already pros by then, when all you rookies were still taking campus tours with your RA). I wander back from the frats at like 3am after a night of rockstardom to find the room empty. "damn roomie, rock on," i think to myself as i drift off into a pleasant stupor. Then, suddenly, I am awakened by the sound of rustling inside my room. "Dude what the hell are you doing?" i mumble still half asleep. No answer... I stare across the darkness to find an empty bed, when all of a sudden i hear a moaning... "uuuuuuugh... uuuuuuugh... uuuuuuugh..." "Oh shit," i think, "who the hell's in my room??" The terrible moaning just won't stop! Still unable to find the origin of such strange noises, i sit up in my bed and look around the room. As my gaze falls toward the ground, my eye catches what appears to be an arm poking out from behind my desk. "Rob??" i exclaim. No answer, just more moaning, and its getting louder and more intense. I stumble out of bed to finally discover the source. Ladies and gents the man behind the desk was none other than ROB LAWLESS, my roommate, lying, all 6'4" of his lanky ass boddy, sprawled across our cold tile floor... Needless to say, not a single coherent word came out of his mouth the entire night. I tried talking to him, only to realize shortly that it was completely useless... the kid was braindead. All he could do was moan, and he remained on the floor for the rest of the night, even though his bed was just three feet away. So that night i drifted back to sleep to the sounds of a near pretard (please don't take offense to that term, cuz it's very different from retard). Well boys, i leave the decision up to you. In my book, the kid's a shoe in... but i understand if you're reluctant since you've never met the kid in person (but benders and charway, that's your own damn faults for not making the mecca out here with Lan, otwell, reilly, and jonny mac in january). aight i gotta go... PEACE.
ps i know its long, but i couldn't leave out anything, for maximus consideration is a serious matter that deserves our full attention

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