Author:
Syn
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Date Posted: Thu, Sep 19 2002, 10:23pm
In reply to:
Syn
's message, "ADVANCED CHARACTER SERVICE *shakes head sadly in dismay*" on Thu, Sep 19 2002, 07:04pm
Note: This site is a PARODY of the Ultima Online main site. DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. k thx
Purchase a GM Client
Purchasing a GM Client is a great way to enhance your game! Sick of that PK down in Hythloth? Insta-kill him! Want your thief to be safe at the Britain bank? Turn off the guards in Britain! These options, and many more, are available through our new program.
Get your GM Client NOW for $199.95 (Per Account - One time fee)
Here's how the GM Client service works:
1. First, contact our customer service department at 555-RIP-UOFF (choose option 3, then press #666) to get the process started.
2. Customer service will validate the status of your account.
3. At this point, customer service will contact our shipping department, and send you a copy of our GM client on CD. Please allow 2 to 3 days to delivery, unless we don't like you, in which case, please allow 6 to 8 weeks.
You will be given access to the following abilities via the GM Client:
- Teleport anywhere! No more using pesky "reagents" or "scrolls" to mark and recall.
- Set any of your character's stats and skills to any number! No more having to worry about "skill" or "playing the game".
- Grief players anywhere instantly! Whether you just instant-kill them, teleport them to the jail and taunt them, or make them fight hordes of monsters, the choice is yours! The only limit is your imagination!
- Features that might be used to enhance the roleplaying environment have, of course, been disabled. Why the fuck would we want to help
roleplayers?
THINGS TO KNOW:
- You must behave within certain reasonable limits. Please do not instant-kill more than 10 characters a day, and try not to use your powers on newbies.
- You will likely be constantly annoyed by players asking for your "robe". Please feel free to kill them, they will not be counted in the above 10 people.
- You may wish to change some of the default macro settings for the client. F1-F12 are taken up with "Sorry, I cannot help you with that." in various languages.
- A side-effect of the client is that you will be able to view the queue list for those waiting for GM service. Feel free to ignore it, Lord knows we do. Or, go ahead and fuck with 'em, we really don't care, you gave us money after all.
- We like money. Money is shiny. Thank you for your money.
Frequently asked questions:
Q: Won't this destroy game balance?
A: Game balance? I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
Q: This will allow people extreme power just for paying you
money. Won't that disrupt the normal gamer's playing style?
A: They get power for paying us? Sounds balanced to me.
Q: What's next? Letting people buy shards for $10,000 a pop?
A: Hmm...buying shards, you say?! That's a great idea! I'll let
our marketing people know so they can get to work on it.
Q: What's wrong with you people?!
A: Many, many things.
This new service is available NOW! Call 555-RIP-UOFF (choose option 3, then press #666), toll-free, Monday through Friday, from 9:00am to 7:00pm CT & Saturday and Sunday, from 10:00am to 4:00pm.
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