joke pack -- The Mad Wee Wee

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Date Posted: 14:43:58 12/17/04 Fri
Author: Jade
Subject: joke pack

Two alligators had migrated north from Florida, and were sitting at the side of a bog near the Potomac River. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I cain't unnerstand how you kin be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?" "Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down at t'other side of the bog near the parkin' lot by the capitol." "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus cars and wait fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the hot air out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the hot air out of a politician, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase!"

88888888

NOW THAT'S PRICELESS

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies,"Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"

Self-induced hangover -- $100.00
Broken furniture -- $2,000.00
Breakfast -- $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk .... PRICELESS

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Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming: - Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall! Baaaaam! They hit the wall. The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend: - You good for nothing, I've been screaming for you to watch out, why didn't you? Jim answered him: - IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!!

88888888888

Little girl in Church

A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. "Dear
Lord," he began with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on
his
upturned face. "Without you we are but dust. . . "

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter
(who was listening carefully [for a change!) leaned over to me and asked
quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,

Mommy, what is butt dust?"

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