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Date Posted: 15:19:58 08/28/01 Tue
Author: Jade
Subject: ads

With respects given to Jay Leno and his "Headlines", we have decided to shift gears here on a Tuesday and see if we can crack a smile across your face with some of these ACTUAL classified ads we have found in newspapers:

-----------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
-----------------------------------------
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
-----------------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
-----------------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS
OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION
$6800
-----------------------------------------
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
-----------------------------------------
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
-----------------------------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
-----------------------------------------
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK and BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
-----------------------------------------
FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
-----------------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED
CALL 948-XXXX, ASK FOR CHUBBIE
-----------------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
-----------------------------------------

GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN -
89 cents lb.
-----------------------------------------
AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
-----------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
-----------------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE and DONUTS
-----------------------------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer
needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

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