Toddler Miracle Diet -- The Mad Wee Wee

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Date Posted: 00:38:06 06/29/01 Fri
Author: Jade
Subject:

Toddler Miracle Diet

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with
most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation
diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go
broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on
their diets or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new
Toddler Miracle Diet.

Over the years you may have noticed that most 2 year olds are
trim. Now, the formula to their success is available to all in
this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before
embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him
afterwards. Good Luck!!!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: 1 scrambled egg, 1 piece of toast with grape jelly.
Eat 2 bites of egg using your fingers, dump the rest on the
floor. Take 1 bite of toast, smear the jelly over your face and
clothes.

Lunch: 4 crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, 1 glass
of milk (3 sips only, spill the rest).

Dinner: 1 dry stick, 2 pennies, 1 nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO:

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it.
Drink 1/2 bottle of vanilla extract or 1 vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: 1/2 tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of
Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). 1 ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take
outside, drop it in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it
is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean which should be thrust up your
left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes, eat with
a spoon.

DAY THREE:

Breakfast: 2 pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat 1 with fingers,
rub in hair. Glass of milk, drink 1/2, stuff other pancake in
glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick
off fuzz, put it on cushion of best chair.

Lunch: 3 matches, peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Spit several
bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red
punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY:

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of
soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of corn flakes,
add 1/2 cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed
cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet.
Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: 1 glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball
on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

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