Hark -- The Mad Wee Wee

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Date Posted: 17:18:43 07/23/01 Mon
Author: Jade
Subject: Hark

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent.
"That's great," says the actor, "what is it?"
"Well," says his agent, "it's a one-liner."
"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"
"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.
"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"
"Wednesday," says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job, be here 9 o'clock Saturday evening."
The actor is so excited he got the job, that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theater, continually repeating his line, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the bouncer. "Who the hell are you?" asks the bouncer.
"I'm 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'."
"You're 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar?' You're late, get up to makeup straight away."
So, he runs up to makeup. "Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl.
"I'm 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'."
"You're 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'? You're late, sit down here." Then, she applies the makeup. "Now, quick, get down to the stage, you're about to go on."
So, he dashes down to the stage. "Who the hell are you?" asks the stage manager.
"I'm 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'."
"You're 'Hark, I hear the cannons roar'? Get on there, the curtains about to go up!" So, he runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and the house is full.
Suddenly, there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts, "What the hell was that?"

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