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Date Posted: 15:17:42 08/15/02 Thu
Author: Jacqui/Anya's Necklace
Subject: Buffy #09 : Relapse -- Unedited & Uncut... well, not uncut. -- Teaser

TEASER

Scene: "THE SHOP" [Int.], Night

Music blasts obtrusively through the store. Following it, we move across the now unrecognizable ex-Magic Box. The walls, covered in a fresh coat of paint, are no longer charred and damaged. In the ceiling are several large skylights, bathing the store in moonlight.

We arrive at nail, protruding from a bench. A moment, before a hammer slams into it, cementing it deep into the wood. We pull back to reveal XANDER, beads of determined sweat clinging to his forehead.

A figure steps up behind him.

HALFREK
(whispering)
Hey there.

XANDER spins around, sending a bucket of paint across the
floor.

HALFREK
Well this won't do at all. I tell
you, men are useless.
(then, uncaringly)
Are you alright?

She smiles, condescendingly.

XANDER
I've been better.

HALFREK
Well firstly,
(re: paint)
Puce? Not a tragic loss.

XANDER
Halfrek, if you've got nothing to
say, get out of my sight.

She shrugs.

HALFREK
I love what you've done with the
place. It's very quaint... very Meg
Ryan.
(beat)
Not that there's anything wrong
with that. I'm sure you've worked
real hard. But...
(beat)
Did it work?

XANDER
What?

HALFREK
Did it wash away your troubles?
Have you forgotten all about her?

XANDER
(simply)
No. Now get out.

HALFREK
You know, I wasn't lying when I
said this place was homely. Makes
me wanna put on an apron and fry up
some dinner for little Ricky
Ricardo Jr.

XANDER
Is there a point to this visit? Or
did you just stop by to fumigate
the air?

HALFREK
There's always a point.
(beat)
Listen, sweetheart, I know what
you're going through.

HALFREK slows her speech, falling just shy of tenderness.

HALFREK
I've seen it before. I've felt it...
caused it. I could write books
about it.
(beat)
What you need however, maybe isn't
so clear.

XANDER
What would that be?

HALFREK
Help.

XANDER
And you're here to... help me?

HALFREK
It's not that I want to -- the
thought of you two back together
isn't altogether appealing. You
were tragedy personified. However,
Anyanka was like a sister to me...
and I realize she made mistakes.

XANDER
Touching, really.

HALFREK
You know, she loved you without
question. That kind of devotion,
that kind of utter dedication
doesn't come along very often. Now,
I know things were complicated...
when aren't they? But she never
should have left you Xander.

XANDER stares for a moment.

XANDER
Doesn't matter now, does it? It's
too late.

HALFREK
Is that so?

She smiles suggestively, raising her eyebrows at XANDER.

HALFREK
I am, as I'm informed, contractually
obliged to provide a service to the
greater community. I help the
needy, and whether I like it or
not, you fall somewhat under that
heading.
(beat)
So, I'm here to tell you it's never
too late.

XANDER's demeanor turns bitter as he dryly offers a response.

XANDER
Uh huh. That all? Is that everything?

HALFREK
(annoyed)
Places to be Xander. You want my
help? Then listen up.
(beat)
Anya's still alive. But it's sort
of a limited time only deal and her
expiry date is fast approaching.
(then)
Believe me when I say -- when it
comes to humans, stale isn't an
option. Expiry is it. It's final.
(off his look)
Her essence... her spirit still
exists. Somewhere out there...
(points to the skylight)
And all you need to do is find her.

XANDER
Halfrek, I appreciate that you're
trying to help, but you're not.
Anya's gone and nothing you say is
gonna change that.

HALFREK
Oh? But sitting here hammering away
to the enchanting sounds of death
metal will?
(beat)
I know you want her back, I can
hear it screaming inside you. You
might be able to hide it from
them... but I know you'd do just
about anything --

XANDER
Anya chose her path, ok? She made a
choice, and while accepting that is
a hard thing to do, someone's gotta
do it.

HALFREK
Not you, not now. Time's running
out Xander. Every minute we waste,
every nail you slam carelessly into
these walls, is cementing her future.

She stares right into him.

HALFREK
You're killing her.

Abruptly, she snaps her fingers and disappears, leaving XANDER alone, twisted in agitated thought. It remains silent for a moment, before the door opens. WILLOW enters.

WILLOW
Hey boy. You ready? Movie starts
soon and it's freezing outside.
What's say we get you nice and
rugged up?

Smiling brightly, she pulls a tiny scarf and cute pink mittens from behind her back.

WILLOW
Xander, are you ok?
(beat)
What's wrong? Xander?

He begins walking toward her.

WILLOW
Xander?

He brushes straight past her, out into the cold night air. WILLOW watches, concern washing across her face.

Scene: Cemetery [Ext.], Night

Tag-team patrolling, BUFFY and DAWN move through the numerous gravestones. Stakes in hand, they look around anxiously.

DAWN
You sure he went this way.

BUFFY
(not too convincingly)
Positive.

DAWN
Ok... you sure?

BUFFY stops, turns. And glares.

BUFFY
Positive.

DAWN
Fine.

BUFFY continues searching.

DAWN
You're the expert, I just work here.
(beat)
Speaking of which, I've decided you
should pay me.
(beat)
For this. Wandering around in a
graveyard is dangerous work, the
least you could do is appreciate my
help --

BUFFY
'Help' which I'm still yet to see.
(beat)
Look, can I have a little less talk
from the peanut gallery?

DAWN
Nobody likes a snark Buffy.

BUFFY
And nobody likes a cold-blooded
undead freak. Which is what we'll
both be if you keep distracting me.

BUFFY rounds a corner. Seconds later, she pokes her head back around, adding:

BUFFY
And I'm not snarky.

A loud ruffling begins in the bushes behind them. As they turn, a LARGE SLOBBERING DEMON launches itself at BUFFY.

DAWN
Buffy, look out!

The LSD dives on top of BUFFY, driving her to the ground. DAWN begins pounding on his back.

DAWN
(mono syllabic grunting)
Get. Off. You. Dumb. Slobbering.
Jerk.

With a flick of it's wrist, the LSD sends DAWN flying backwards several feet. BUFFY continues to struggle, staring into the LSD's eyes. Suddenly, its eyes go wide and it collapses on top of her. Dead.

BUFFY
(confused)
Dawn? Did you --

She slides the LSD off her, seeing SPIKE standing over her.

BUFFY
Spike...

DAWN
Could your timing be any better?

BUFFY
Yeah, I guess we owe... I mean,
it's good that you...
(beat)
Good timing.

SPIKE offers her his hand, helping her to her feet. They stand, looking around awkwardly for a moment.

DAWN
So, you wanna hang around and
patrol? We saw a couple of vamps...
(beat)
Threesome.
(beat)
Could be fun.

BUFFY
Dawn!
(then to Spike)
We've got it under control.

SPIKE
(quietly)
Yeah... sure.

He turns and walks away.

BUFFY and DAWN share a concerned look. We moves backwards, slowly rising above them as they watch SPIKE walk away. Rising above a crypt, we see a figure step into frame --

DRUSILLA
Nobody knows what's coming to them.
Babies all alone on the grass and
the leaves can't whisper warnings...
(beat)
But Mommy can.

She continues to watch her boy, smiling deliciously all the while.


BLACK OUT.

CREDITS

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