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Date Posted: 12:16:50 02/15/07 Thu
Author: Vonita Miller (unknown)
Subject:

Am i unforgiving

Well i got pregant by a sorry ass man and i didn't want the baby because i felt that i wasn't ready be a mother i felt i couldn't offer him anything because i didn't have any i had just move in my apartment and had little beat up car that broke down on me every other month so i told the father that i was pregant and that i need help paying for the termination he just told me he will call me back ever did so i call him and call but he aviod my calls so i try to get the money my self donig all kinds of doubles on my job so i could get it done but the farther i waited the far i became pregant and harder it was for me to get it done in maryland i spoke with a lot of doctor who wanted to help but not a lot so i said that i was going to do it myself by drinking popping pills taking laxatives to overdosing on inslin and even straving myself i would punch myself in the stomach trying to get rid of this baby this monster that i was carryin i ask god to please take him because i don't want him but my son heart beat was stronger than ever kicking in my stomach alive and well i hated my son because i done all those things to him and he still was coming in this world so i was angry with god be cause i told him i couldn't do it but he didn't listen to me i felt as all ways for one i walk on my tippy toes i am fat which i like but i had a mess up shape i am big at the top and little at the bottom big wide feet and my face please i would be typing for ever but believe it or not i am happy with me i just wish i had some hips a big butt like a black woman i feel like i am shape like a big fat nasty white woman and on top of that i have a son i felt like i couldn't keep a man than and now i have a baby no man want a ugly fat out of shape girl with a kid and no money that why i ask if i am forgiving for feeling the way i did or is god still mad with me .

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