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Date Posted: 17:10:18 08/03/11 Wed
Author: Vice Verser
Subject: July 11, 2011/Monday/9:01 P.M.

I'm thinking about someone I was friends with a few years ago. I think about her alot actually. Her name is Mescina and I think that she was the first female that I loved. We had a conversation on the phone and she was telling me that I didn't love her, I thought that was kind of unfair.
It's like I keep wanting more closure.
There was like once or twice I was supposed to hang out with her before we stopped talking altogether. One time I told her I would hang out with herand instead I got high with my brother and a friend. The other time I got called in to work and went. I kinda felt like it wasn't meant for us to be friends again.
I remember her number, not sure it's still the same. It was funny to me that around the last time we talked she was saying that her number was still the same and I was thinking to myself, "You think I'd ever forget anything about you?". I mean, I wish I could forget her.

Then again I don't wish I could forget her because it was like the only time I feel I ever really felt a connection with a female. One time she was telling me I was a people-pleaser and that I cared too much what people think. I feel like I'v become the opposite just to spite her assessment.
Deep down a part of me still just wants to give everyone what they want but it's not as bad a habit as it was at one time. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll never be able to get over myself enough to get close and open up to another person.

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