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Date Posted: 20:17:43 02/08/00 Tue
Author: The Joker
Subject: The Joker returns!



*** The lights dim inside of the HWF arena. As the crowd ponders whether to cheer or boo, Hokus Pokus by the Insane Clown Posse plays over the speakers. The crowd has a mixed reaction as the Joker walks through the curtains. He stands on the ramp, a pissed look on his face. He stares into the crowd, then continues down the ramp. He looks down at the Television Title that is around his waist and then takes it off. He climbs into the ring and lays it down in the center of the ring. He looks up, his arms crossed across his Jokerholics Anonymous shirt. Jerry “The King” Lawler gets up from the announcer’s table and climbs up the steps into the ring, microphone in hand. He holds the microphone to his lips and the crowd grows silent.***

Lawler: “Now, Joker, I would like to welcome you here to beautiful Denver, Colorado, where we are hosting another evening of exciting HWF action. Now, Mr. Joker, I was just wondering, what are your thoughts on the Pay-Per-View?

Joker: “Welcome…to…War…is…Joker! Now, King, the HWF savior has a few things on his mind. First of all, I would like to congratulate Mankind on winning the World Title. But Mankind, basically, it was you and Hardcore Jay against Balla and me. So technically, it was a tag team match-up. But Mankind, you might have stepped out of that cage as the World Champion, but this upcoming Monday, the Joker is going to win the battle royal for Number 1 Contendership for the World Title. Mankind, the Joker came a long way to get to the Pay-Per-View, he worked hard to get his title shot. Now, Mankind, at Redemption, you were the better man. But there is one thing that you didn’t count on. Mankind, you need to realize that the Joker is far from done with you. Mankind, you are at the top of the Joker’s hit list. Now, Mankind, you know that when I feel like it, I can beat anyone in this federation. But Mankind, above all, congratulations. Now, White Devil. White Devil, who the hell are you to even speak about the New World Disorder? White Devil, you are the most pathetic “wrestler” here in the HWF. You actually think that you are intimidating the New World Disorder by saying that we “are falling into your evilness”? Well, White Devil, you don’t intimidate the New World Disorder, you don’t intimidate anyone here. Now, White Devil, you want to piss of the Joker? Well, you are not succeeding. You come out here and say, “Oh, it might all be an act for you, but I really hate everyone! Oh, I’m so scary! Oh, look at me, I’m so scary! I drop from the ceiling and bore the fans to death!” White Devil, you don’t even deserve to speak about the New World Disorder. And you know what? White Devil, you want a shot at a member of the NWD? Well, you got it. It’s not gonna be me, because I don’t have time to waste on you. You are going to face an NWD member, though. Just wait.

***The Joker stares into the crowd and then looks at Lawler.***

Lawler: “Well. Some serious words there, Joker. Are you sure that you want to “dance with the devil”? HAHA!”
Joker: “You’re right, Lawler. White Devil is a very funny guy. But onto Hardcore Jay. Hardcore Jay, congratulations. You got a match with the Joker. This must be the highlight of your miserable career. Now, Hardcore, I’ve faced you before, and I’ve beaten you many times. Remember at Crippling Virus ’99, where I beat you to keep my Television Title? Remember how you screamed out in pain and agony, and you quit? And you lost, and the Joker was still the HWF’s chosen one, and the Joker was still the HWF savior? Do you remember, Hardcore Jay, how the Joker beat your ass like your mom used to when you were a kid? Well, you are going to have your ass beat again. Hardcore, you might be the Hardcore Icon, you might have held the Hardcore Tag champs about thirty thousand times, but it all boils down to skill. And skill is something that you don’t know about. Because you, Hardcore, are miserable. You are pathetic. Hardcore, you need to open your eyes and realize that you are going to have your miserable career ended. Now, you might have prolonged your career by joining the Establishment, but the only reason that you are even going to be able to continue in this federation is because you are surrounded by the only people that can protect you. The prez, the Commissioner, and the World Champion. The only people in this federation with more stroke than the New World Disorder. But even though the prez and commish control what happens here in the HWF, this little “group” does not intimidate the Joker in the least. Now, Hardcore Jay, you think that you’re so special because of your little “Hardcore Driver”? Well, you try to hit that on the Joker, and the Joker will just reverse it, and plant your fat ass with the No Laughing Matter! Now, Hardcore Jay, you think that you are going to defeat me? No, no, no. You are not even going to come close to scratching the Joker! Because, well, quite frankly…. you suck. But let’s not let that hold you back. The fact that you are held back has to do with the fact that you can’t beat anybody worth mentioning. Now, Hardcore…you think that just because you claim to be “hard…. ~expletive~…core” you can beat me? Well, you can bring your Singapore Cane out here with you, but I’ll just break it over your head. You can bring your backup to the ring with you, but I’ve got backup of my own. You can try to attack me, but you and I both know that you are weak. You realize that you have no chance, so you have decided that you are not even going to bother to put up a fight. Not that it would have mattered, seeing as how you would be destroyed even if you did put up a fight. Now, Hardcore, you might have a slight chance if the Joker happens to have a little too much to drink backstage, but don’t count on that happening. I mean, seeing as how you have no chance. Now, I’d like to take you back to a time where I believed in something. I believed that all of the fans actually respected the wrestlers who risked their lives night in and night out. All of these fans out here in their padded little seats cheer the destruction of innocent people. Hardcore Jay, you think that these fans out here respect you? They hate you! These fans wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire! These fans are going to be the death of you, Hardcore Jay. You risk your life out here with your Extreme attitude, and these fans cheered your every move. But then another person walks out the ramp…the Joker walks through the curtain and slides into the ring. Your ass gets laid out…and the fans are now cheering the Joker. Your spotlight is over, Hardcore Jay. It’s time to hang up those Kendo Sticks and realize that you have had your last hurrah. Hardcore Jay, you have nothing left. You are facing the Joker, the person who has had more success faster than any other HWF superstar, and you are going to find out that you are just a washed-up old timer. Hardcore Jay, your ass is going to be beat from pillar to post, from street light to street light, from the boiler room to the rafters of the building, and then finally, you will be so decimated that you will have no choice other than to just stay down. Hardcore Jay, stay down and the pain will stop. You will not have to endure anything else, if you just stay still. Hardcore Jay, to think that for the longest time I stood by you, endorsing you, saying, “He’s hardcore! He’s hardcore! He’s hardcore!” And yet you still don’t quite understand, Hardcore Jay. You still don’t quite understand that I’m not doing this because I hate you. No, Hardcore Jay, it is just the opposite. I’m doing this because I respect you! Hardcore Jay, I understand that you are an old man, I understand that you need a lot of support. I understand that you can’t walk without a crutch, I know that you can’t live without an oxygen tank, and Hardcore Jay, I understand that you can’t beat me. And that is what you need to understand. Hardcore Jay, you need to understand that you cannot beat me.. And don’t count on that happening.. Hardcore Jay, you need to realize that you are going to be the one that is beat so severely that you cry every single time that you move. Hardcore Jay, I promise you, your blood will stain the ground at Hardcore Thursday. Your blood will cover the ground, cover every single thing that is nailed down, and you are going to have to have a blood transfusion just to live after Redemption. Hardcore Jay, you had better go around in the Hardcore Thursday arena and nail everything down, because if it isn’t nailed down, I am going to beat you with it. Hardcore Jay, you are going to be thrown through tables, you are going to be dropped onto thumbtacks, you are going to be hit with chairs, whacked with baseball bats, and then when it is all said and done, when you finally wipe all the sweat from your eyes, and when you wipe every ounce of blood off of your face, you will see that I am still the champion. So remember my name… because the Joke’s on You.”

***Lawler gets an afraid look on his face, then resumes the interview.***

Lawler: “Well…those are…um, fighting words. Now, this is the question on everybody’s minds. Why did you kick the Vandal out of the New World Disorder?”

Joker: “Tsk! Lawler, Vandal just wasn’t New World Disorder material. And you know what? I am getting sick and tired of all of you pathetic losers asking me this. Vandal sucked! He did not belong with the best athletes in HWF history! And….”

***Suddenly, a strange theme song plays over the speakers. The Joker stops talking and looks at the stage. A man walks out onto the stage and raises his arms, then the lights go out. When they come back on, the man is gone and the Joker is left standing speechless. The camera fades to a commercial as the man’s picture shows up on the HardcoreTron.***


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