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Date Posted: 20:28:45 01/12/00 Wed
Author: The Joker
Subject: Countdown until new Hardcore Tag Champs!




***The lights go out inside of the Pond in Anaheim and the Joker’s theme song plays over the speakers. The crowd begins to boo, but are taken by surprise an explosion rocks the arena. Flames erupt from the stage and the lights come back on. The Joker is standing on the stage, with his Television Title around his waist. He holds his Jester’s staff in the air as the crowd boos loudly. He raises his arms and makes a signal to cut his music. He pulls a microphone from his pocket and the crowd grows silent.***

Joker: “Welcome…to…War…is…snore! And finally, to save this horrible show, the Joker, the Television Champion, the true lord of the dance, your party host, and the future World Champion, is going to add some class to this God-forsaken show. I mean, look at all of these idiots who actually have the audacity to walk down the Joker’s ramp and run their mouths, the whole while the crowd is falling asleep. And now Shock wonders what zombies taste like? What the hell are you smoking? That stuff, like your career, belongs in the trash. I mean, as soon as your interview appeared on the HaRdCoReTron, the whole entire crowd ran to the concessions stand, because they know that you suck! And another thing, Nyte Ryda actually defeated Ryan McBain? How the hell did that happen? At least McBain was a dignified champion, but Nyte Ryda is an inbred, lowdown, ugly, weed-smoking bastard who has tarnished the Intercontinental Title. And now he actually thinks that he deserved it? Well, Nyte Ryda, I must admit, you did cut several horrible promos, but McBain’s one promo was a hell of a lot better than your crappy little interviews. Damn, you can’t even spell. Now, I am not going to waste valuable interview time on Nyte Ryda, so I will move on to my next victims. I mean opponents. Now, Team Extreme. Team Extreme, the current Hardcore Tag Team Champions. But by this time on Friday, X-Raided will be the current Hardcore Tag Champions. X-Raided is by far heavily favored entering this match-up. Now, I know that Team Extreme has Mankind, the World Champion, to back them up, but Team Extreme, X-Raided has McBain and Reznor. Two to one, we win. And there is nothing that you can do about it, because I said it would happen, so it will. All will come to pass, and then I’ll kick your ass. Now, Team “Our half inch pokers are no match for the Joker’s” Extreme, you have no chance in hell of even coming close to beating us on Thursday. I mean, look who you two are. You are a couple of pathetic jobbers who can’t live up to the Joker. I mean, Hardcore Jay, you’ve been here since the beginning of the federation, and the only singles title you won is the Hardcore Title, which is the biggest waste of tin in this federation. And that was only recently. And the Joker joined and was here for a week or two, and he won the Television Title. Coincidence? I think not. It all boils down to charisma and talent, which are two things that Team Extreme does not have. You two claim to be Hardcore, you claim to be great, but the Joker knows that when it is all said and done, you and your brother are going to be bruised, broken, bleeding, in other words, dead. And it’s not even going to be hard for X-Raided to defeat you. The Joker will demolish you with anything that he can find, he will beat your ass from pillar to post, from locker room to locker room, then he’s gonna take you down ringside, around the announcer’s table, throw your ass through Davis and Wilson’s table, then take your ass to Julio and Paco’s table and through your plastic asses through those too! And you know what, the Joker, the Television Champion, does not even care if you even try to put up a fight, because if you do, the Joker will just have to end your careers. And you know what, Team Extreme, you think that I am intimidated by your little Singapore Canes? I’m gonna break those Singapore Canes over your damn head! And you know that when the Joker says something, it will come true. And I guarantee that the Joker is going to beat you all over the arena this Thursday. And this Thursday, the day after Wednesday, the day before Friday, the day when you lose those Hardcore Tag Titles to X-Raided. You two come out here and attempt to scare off everyone by saying that you are hard ~expletive~ core? Well, you two are not Hardcore, you to are about as Hardcore as White Devil. White Devil, who challenged a columnist to a match a couple days ago. White Devil, who actually thinks that he is a good wrestler. “I’ve beaten many people.” Yes, White Devil, you have beaten many people who haven’t cut a promo for over a month. But back to Team Extreme. Team Extreme, as my tag partner Triple X said in a promo earlier, you both suck. And you don’t just suck a little, you suck it hard. You two have made a career of beating jobbers. Has either one of you ever beaten the World Champion? Nope. Didn’t think so. Now, you two are damn lucky to even step into the same ring as X-Raided, and you better recognize just what the hell you are messing with. You two need to open your eyes and realize that you cannot beat us. No one can beat us. X-Raided is going to be the most dominant tag team this federation has ever seen. And now that C-Rock has quit, or as he says, retired, that pathetic team of C-Rock and Nyte Ryda is over, so now, Team Extreme, it’s just X-Raided and Team Extreme for the Hardcore Tag straps. And we do not play well with others. Once we step through those ropes, the only thing that is important is that we are kicking ass. And once we start kicking ass, we don’t finish kicking ass until we have completed the job. And Team Extreme, you know that you won’t last in that ring from bell to bell with X-Raided. Face it. You two are worthless little punks, and we are champions. You have no chance. Now Team Extreme, you talk about how X-Raided are a good tag team, but we aren’t ready to take the Hardcore Tag Titles from you? Well, you said two incorrect statements there. One, X-Raided isn’t a good tag team, they’re a great tag team. And the other is that we aren’t going to take the Hardcore straps. Well, you’re wrong. X-Raided will not only take those Hardcore Titles from around your waist, but we’re going to make you bleed, and that hardcore blood will leak out of your body, and the true Hardcore Tag Champs will hold the titles. And then X-Raided will be the only Hardcore Tag Team. I mean, there is no competition already, but once X-Raided eliminates everyone in the Hardcore Tag division, there will be absolutely no one left to defeat us or even post a challenge against us.”



***The Joker clears his throat and begins to pace the ramp. He takes the Television Title from around his waist and puts it over his shoulder. The crowd waits for him to continue…***

Joker: “Now, Team Extreme, if you think for one second that you have any chance of beating X-Raided, then you have another damn thing coming, because you have No Chance In Hell of hanging on to those Hardcore Tag Titles. And you know what, Team Extreme? It is going to be a lot of fun beating your asses all over the arena. It is going to be a lot of fun watching you bleed in front of millions of fans. It is going to be a lot of fun to drop you through tables. And it is going to be a lot of fun to take those Hardcore Tag Titles away from you. Now, I know that Team Extreme thinks that they are bad because they carry Singapore Canes around. But in the words of the Rock, I’m gonna shove those Singapore Canes straight up your candy asses! And you know that once the Joker says something, it is done. And you know what? I am going to guarantee that tomorrow night at Hardcore Thursday, the Joker and Triple X will defeat Team Extreme 1, 2, 3, for the Hardcore Tag Team Titles. And that is exactly what is going to happen. Once Team Extreme steps through that curtain, they are in my world. And once they step through those ropes, they are in my ring, and once they attempt a move, they are going to be beat by me. And Team Extreme, you don’t even intimidate anyone. You’re like dandruff. You shampoo and shampoo, but it just doesn’t want to go away. And no matter how many times the prez cleans out the roster, you two somehow manage to hold on to something and cling for dear life, and then are relieved when the prez doesn’t fire you. And you are lucky that the prez doesn’t fire your asses, seeing as how you suck so badly. I mean, take a look at your careers. What big names have you beaten? Have you beat Mankind? C-Rock? Balla? Eric Jackson? No, because you two suck. And this Thursday, when we step into the ring, I am going to prove to the entire world just how much you suck. And Team Extreme…Team Extreme. That name doesn’t fit you two. Since, after all, X-Raided are the true Hardcore Tag Champs. This Thursday, Team Extreme, you are going to climb from your wheelchairs, hobble down that entrance ramp, and then proceed to be beaten like you have never been beaten before. And when it is all said and done, when the smoke clears, when you wipe the blood from your eyes, you will see those Hardcore Tag Titles handed to the rightful owners. And those owners are quite simply…X-Raided. X-Raided…the Hardcore Tag Champs. That sounds a lot better than Team Extreme, members of Extreme Team, who suck while on any team, and are going to lose this Thursday. Team Extreme, to be quite honest, you just aren’t championship material. Look at you two idiots. You think that you can win matches by showing up here. Well, you two cannot live up to the Joker’s success, and you both know it. You both know that you have no chance of beating the Joker and Triple X tomorrow, so you are afraid. Admit it, the truth shall set you free. And once you are set free by the truth, you’re still going to lose, but at least you’ll feel better knowing that you don’t have such a heavy burden on your chests. And then, Team Extreme, you will be weaker than ever. Now, Team Extreme, you say that X-Raided needs to be Hooked on Phonics? You two idiots can’t spell! First of all, there’s only one p in Triple X, and it’s X-Raided, not X-Raited. You two are idiots. And we are going to beat you all over the place. And then, once we have defeated you, you will be checked into the hospital, and once you wake up from your coma, you will have visitors. The New World Disorder will pay you a visit in the hospital, strap your asses into the beds, and push those sumbitches out the window! And then, Team Extreme, you will finally realize…the joke’s…on…you.”

***The Joker throws the microphone into the crowd and an explosion erupts onstage once again. The lights go out, and when they come back on, the Joker is gone…***

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