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Date Posted: 12:04:59 01/27/03 Mon
Subject: I'm so very sorry, Rhyno
In reply to:
's message, "Re: Some sad news from rhyno..." on 09:55:05 01/27/03 Mon
I know and I understand fully what you feel, my mother gave up after years battling terminal illness, she was 60. The sick part of it was they could have kept her alive, and when she opted to stop the medications, they argued with her about "how much there is to live for", even though there was no hope.
It was very difficult for us, my father most of all, she was the light of his life. My sisters and I felt her pass, early one morning, days before we'd expected her to go, we all awoke at 5am, and her best friend, her cousin Jane in California, she also awoke, it was 2am there. I remember it clearly, I felt I had to go to my parents house, I got there at 7am, and my father was sound asleep beside her, holding her hand, I had to wake him up and tell him.
It was a lonely and sad experience, and I still awake sometimes, I remember how she just looked like she was asleep. And I wanted her to wake up, I wanted her to tell me it wasn't really her.
My mother was beautiful, and graceful, and gracious, and loved by everyone who met her. She was charming, and smart, and she gave everyone all her energy, without complaint. I remember these things about her. I remember sitting in her lap when I was young and she read to me, and I remember her sweet voice singing. I remember her grounding me, and I remember being unable to stay angry with her because she was right and I knew it. I remember confiding all my fears and hopes and dreams in her, and I remember how she truly did not tell my secrets to anyone, not even my sisters unless she asked me first. I remember her crying with joy when my daughter was born, as she cried for all her granchildren when they were born. I remember her working hard when my father needed her support, I remember her loving him, arguing with him, and laughing about it later, stroking his face, and looking into his eyes as though he was the most wonderful man in the world, always handsome, always her first and only love. I remember the amazing cooking she did, I remember her sewing, and cleaning her house, and laughing.
These are the memories that keep me from falling apart, Rhyno. They are what keep me sane. They are what use to base my goals in this life; they are what I recall when I have make decisions for my family.
I hope I do my mother proud.
Write to me, if you need someone to talk to, I'll give you my number, too.
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