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Date Posted: 13:25:56 02/15/05 Tue
Author: Caro
Subject: Don't go looking for me for a bit... (my sap story)

Last summer, I did something really stupid which I regret now more then ever.. I didn't know I had an illness; a mental illness at that, which I've had since the age of at least 15.

I thought ending my life was the only way to turn since all I could see was darkness and I couldn't find my way out of it.

Thanks to a wonderful doctor who drilled me with questions, I was ordered to show myself to the nearest hospital and was admitted immediately; I was hospitalized for 2 1/2 weeks for burn-out, deep depression and for being a compulsive obsessive bi-polar (also known as manic depressive). This was in July. I was released from the hospital in August.

I've been fighting this illness for the last months, trying to figure out with doctors what the correct dosage (meds) is for me. The reason I use the word "fighting" is because I've been off work since and I've been feeling rather useless and powerless towards all this bi-polar stuff especially.

The depression part of my bi-polar self has taken over me once again and I feel that I am slipping fast. I had another "episode" last night and I'm glad Andre was around to help me through it; but I have to face the fact that once again, I need medical help and quickly.

I guess the medication I've been put on isn't working correctly and they have to switch me to others and all this needs to be done under close supervision at the hospital, meaning that I'll be hospitalized once again starting either today or tomorrow.

The reason I'm posting this is because you are all my friends. I want you to know that I don't mean not to post here but I've been going through a lot lately and could use any kind of thoughts or prayers to help me through this. I hate asking for anything out of my friends and if you could just do me this one favour, it would be much appreciated, just this once.

My mind says that I won't make it, but my heart says that it wants to desperatly - if that makes sense to any of you.

I wish you all the best.

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Replies:

[> Caro -- Femok, 13:41:16 02/15/05 Tue [1]

Caro, I had no idea. My heart goes out to you. I wish you strength in your fight. Hugs to both you and Andre.



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[> Caro~Sis... -- Cake, 15:40:00 02/15/05 Tue [1]

I'm very glad you're getting the help you need. I'll be thinking of you and pulling for you. Keep us updated if you can.

Listen to your heart... you WILL make it.

;-)

Kristen


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[> Re: Don't go looking for me for a bit... (my sap story) -- Patty & Bill, 22:11:21 02/15/05 Tue [1]

Just keep in mind that manic-depression is a physiological illness. They WILL find the right combo of meds and you'll be back to your old perky self. Caro, I had no idea you were going through so much. We are both glad you found a wonderful doctor and hope to hear an update from you soon.

Patty & Bill


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[> Re: ((((((((((((((Caro))))))))))))) -- Bull, 11:15:16 02/24/05 Thu [1]

it's hard, but you will make it...

my father suffered the same, and he is now fine... meds at first. then slowly camr off them

he made it.. u will

and if all else fails, take two chippnendales and go to bed immediatley

xxx

Pete<----------routing for ya


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