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Date Posted: 00:09:25 01/08/02 Tue
Author: POKEY
Subject: Re: Rules for men
In reply to: SMILNER 's message, "Re: Rules for men" on 21:28:07 01/07/02 Mon

Naw man i think you get to plead no contest or something.

And why does the SMILNER have to tell me PISS OFF?

>Do these rules also apply to androgynous asexual
>beings? CauseI really like my chick drinks...
>
>>TRIPP read number 30 At least 20 times then
>>repeat.
>>
>>1. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may
>>be
>>legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
>>
>>2. Under no circumstances may two men share an
>>umbrella.
>>
>>3. It is OK for a man to cry under the following
>>circumstances:
>>a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master
>>b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her
>>blouse
>>c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
>>d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying
>>Game
>>e. When your Date is using her teeth
>>
>>4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must
>>bail a
>>friend out of jail within 12 hours.
>>
>>5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move:
>>a. Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing
>>machine
>>accident.
>>
>>6. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a
>>friend move:
>>a. You'd rather stay home and watch swamp buggy
>>reruns.
>>
>>7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
>>sister is
>>off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
>>
>>8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a
>>guy who's
>>running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6
>>minutes. For
>>a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of
>>hotness
>>she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
>>
>>9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
>>fridge is
>>forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is
>>unsuitable.
>>
>>10. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
>>present for
>>another man (in fact, even remembering your buddy's
>>birthday is
>>strictly optional).
>>
>>11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
>>pit stops,
>>not the weakest.
>>
>>12. While your girlfriend must bond with your
>buddies'
>>girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are
>>not
>>required to make nice with her gal pals' significant
>>dick-heads--
>>- low level sports bonding is all the law requires
>>(sorry
>>ladies, it's called a double standard because it's
>>twice as
>>true).
>>
>>13. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement
>>contract, do
>>not appear in public wearing more than one swoosh.
>>
>>14. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
>>event,
>>you may always ask the score of the game in progress,
>>but you
>>may never ask who's playing.
>>
>>15. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
>>you have
>>brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the
>>covers for
>>the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's
>>officially your
>>girlfriend.
>>
>>16. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink
>>only when
>>you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's
>>delivered by a
>>topless supermodel...and it's free.
>>
>>17. Only in situations of Moral peril are you allowed
>>to kick
>>another guy in the nuts.
>>
>>18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>>
>>19. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
>>Issue closed.
>>
>>20. If a man's zipper is down, that's his
>>problem---you didn't
>>see nothin'.
>>
>>21. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be
>>treated
>>as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game
>>and the
>>ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
>>
>>22. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences
>>over the
>>death of a girlfriend's Booda, even if it was you who
>>secretly
>>set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
>>
>>23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
>>dressed woman
>>must remain sober enough to fight.
>>
>>24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
>>last slice
>>of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
>>
>>25. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd
>>better be
>>talking about his choice of beer.
>>
>>26. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a
>>buddy of
>>yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your
>>response.
>>
>>27. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man
>>while lifting
>>weights:
>>a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>>b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>>c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
>>d. Nice Ass, Are you a Sagittarius?
>>
>>28. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
>>on equal
>>footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.
>>For all
>>other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all
>>the
>>conversation you need
>>
>>29. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on
>>longer than
>>you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by
>>the
>>phone; Hang up if necessary.
>>
>>30. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may
>>sabotage him only
>>in a manner that gives you no chance of getting laid
>>either.
>>
>>31. You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work
>>with a
>>massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin,
>>smear his
>>chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial
>>all the
>>way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have
>>him paged
>>over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.
>>
>>32. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly
>>"just a
>>friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that
>>your
>>feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her
>>again
>>before the discussion about what a big mistake it
>was.
>>
>>33. Always split aces and eights. No arguments!

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