| Subject: more misc thoughts [only read if you have some odd curiousity about my real life problems] |
Author:
Samantha
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 14:14:58 04/13/02 Sat
Ever have one of those days where every emotion tends to creep up on you? Yeah, that was yesterday. I'm living in the aftershock of one of the biggest realizations in my life. I've lost my best friend.
I always thought that the only way I'd ever loose the angel in my life was if her own soul ascended those heavenly steps. No. She's still physically in the real world. Her mind, however, is so far lost in the cyber world, she's no longer the friend I fell in love with. But maybe I should start at the beginning of my realization.
Lately, she's been addicted to these internet Pern RPGs, based off Anne McCaffrey's Dragonriders of Pern books. Yeah, I like that author tons, and I'm actually the one who introduced my friend to them, so I can understand their appeal. I've even tried playing these RPGs and everything, but for some reason I just can't understand it. She's so addicted to them that she's blowing off her friends and her schoolwork. She goes straight home and sits at the computer for 7 hours. Yes, I do that most of the time too, however, I still see the barrier between the internet and the real world. All she talks about is Pern, and when these internet hatching things happen, she physcially gets sick from her nervousness. I understand that feeling the emotions your character feels is the main sign that you're a great role player, however, when she gets so sick she's physcially shaking and she can't eat, there is definately a problem. Another thing I've noticed about her is her schoolwork. She blew off two major projects, complaining about minute details such as forgetting the due date and not knowing how to move a picture in Microsoft Word. I find this a bit ridiculous. Yes, I too am an internet addict, but I never let it affect my real life.
All of this teamed with the gap that began between us after our little fling over the summer has fully blown us apart. She refuses to see the giant crater between us, and I've tried to show her with no luck. All she cares about anymore is her online games. I've talked to some of her other friends and we all see the difference in her. She's never happy unless she's talking or thinking about that game.
I can live with all of that. I've been doing it for months. I finally gave up trying to pry her from the computer and have started spending more time with my other friends, which has helped my social life extremly. So while she is falling into the virtual world, I'm slowly weaning myself from it. I still can't go a day without checking my email, but I can go a day without checking my rpgs, without posting here, without talking to people on AIM. Perhaps it's all the better for me. However, the deep blow was discovered at a party last night.
You first have to understand that she wasn't there. It was a double birthday party for a couple of our close friends. Originally she wasn't going to go because she had one of her dragon hatching things going on and she was too engrossed in that to even pay tribute to her friend's birthdays. However, the hatching date was move and she was completely free last night. In the same breath that she told me how much she liked the people that were going to be at the party, she said she was glad she wasn't going. Hypocrite. For a while she subconciously hated the fact that I was spending more time with other friends, and then when she fully has the chance to join us, she blows us all off. However, in hind sight, perhaps it was better. I got to tell a big secret to one close friend, drawing us closer, and I learned a big secret from a different friend.
The harsh blow was that secret. First of all, you've got to understand that I love my best friend with all of my heart and over the summer we had a minor fling. She loved me for a little while. Last night I found out that she told someone she had a crush on some guy. I don't care so much about the crush, though I am jealous. The fact of the matter is, she never hinted to me about anything. I'm supposed to be her best friend. She's supposed to be able to tell me anything and everything.
I'm not making judgements just yet, but it's a harsh blow to find out that your best friend is keeping things from you. It makes me wonder about my trust in her. I realize that a crush on some guy isn't a big thing, but it hurts. Perhaps she's finally decided that since I seem to be allowing the gap between us, she shouldn't tell me. Or maybe she doesn't want to upset me. Who knows. We haven't had a serious conversation since she told me she didn't love me anymore.
Unfortunatly, I'm growing bitter with each passing moment. I'm going to talk to her when I get the chance and tell her what I think. She's seriously slipping into this fantasy world and is ignoring her true self. If that's how she wants it, I'm not going to fight. I will be sorrowful, but I believe the saying, "if you love something, let it go." At least I will always have my memories to comfort me.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 