| Subject: and just when things were looking up |
Author:
Renee
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Date Posted: 17:02:02 05/09/02 Thu
This week has been perfect up to today. My mother and I were on great terms, and it's near the end of the week and the school year and Saturday, the girl I have a crush on would be coming over to my house and going to see my horse with me, and she'd be over all weekend. So, of course, that can't last, can it? No, not at all.
This morning, I had a migraine. A bad one...I couldn't stand up or walk or anything. So when, later that day, my grandmother came down to wake me up again, I gave her the simple comment "most people annoy me", and I told her that I'd like to be left alone for a while. So, yes, mom just has to know, doesn't she. When she gets home, I feel better, I'm sitting up in bed and writing and I'm ready to go home with her and be as happy as I can be. Well, it's not happening while I'm happy at least. The minute she walks in the door, I get this whole lecture on the "we need to talk" crap I've been getting all my life. And everyone wanna know what? I need a shrink. I have 'problems' because everyone else just has to lay all of -their- problems on me. Just when I was getting ready to leave wih her, she comes back down to by bedroom, and I am happily told that I have no life and that, onc again, I have problems and are a disgrace to her.
You know what? She also told me that she was scared I'd go out and commit suicide or start taking drugs. And -she's- the one trying to push me that far. I've been so close countless times because of the way she treats me like I'm the floor she walks on, and right now I really feel like I want to. But I think I'll hold on to spite her and show her I'm better than that.
But, anyway, I just wanted to get the message out to everyone that my characters wil either be incredibly inactive, or their posts will be short, uncreative, and suck as a whole. Though I'll be online most of the night, I won't be on im at all. I don't feel like putting up with the assholes from school that just ask repetitive questions and don't shut up. But if you do have something to say, you can post a reply to this and I should answer. Or you could always email me at blackkat@midtel.net, but that's up to you. Anything after this no one has to read unless they're bored or want something to poke at me about, because it will all be pointless babble and I'll just repeat myself.
I'm scared shitless to tell mom about the girl. She's probably one of the most prejudiced people I know, which makes it no better. But then, if I told her, I'd be like she wants; I'd have problems. Whichever way, I'm basically screwed. I'm this close to wanting to have problems, more than I already ahve, at least. I think maybe then I'd make her proud.
Of course, if I do have problems they'll take it away and I'll probably loose my writing, all of it, especially since that's the most important thing to me right now. I just got a realy good idea for something that could become my first real novel. Of course, I'll never write it because I'm too frightened of rejection and even more attack on my personal life.
And with it only three days to mother's day, I sure feel damn special.
But, in any case, I'm finished now. I sound stupid and hypocritical and anyone who knows me probably thiks I'm high. So I'm out, I suppose. Ja ne.
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