| Subject: okies sorry if this is a bit detatched.... |
Author:
.Cassiemousie.
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Date Posted: 22:58:28 03/15/02 Fri
In reply to:
FD and co
's message, ".inside again." on 14:27:17 03/15/02 Fri
okies before you go off on this i have a couple things to explain a.) on weekdays i'm only allowed 10 mins on the computer. (BLAH) so that's why i've been having to do really short messages! b.) I keep an online diary because if i had to write it out my fingers would fall off. this is an extract with a couple bits chopped off and such and now that i've been re-reading it it sounds amazingly lame but ya'll might like it. (btw, please don't read ALL of it it might bore you to death)
I’m thinking about quitting JBTH. It doesn’t hold the sparkle that it used to and unfortunately is slowly slipping away into the void of forgetfulness. It’s strange to think of how much it has been a part of my life for so long. RPGs just aren’t what they used to be. In their day, though, JBTH was one of the best. I guess there will always be a few diehards out there, but the rest will just slip away. It was almost like an escape – a golden paradise away from real problems where you could wrap yourself in a dream world where everyone knew your name and loved and respected you. Unfortunately, there were needle points hidden in the sunlight and I might have stepped on one or two.
I didn’t make my going there very public, but I think I may have just wanted to have one thing where none of my friends or family could judge what I was doing and tell me exactly how it needed to be done. Although I know it was not always completely beneficial, I would never be able to type, comprehend, or use the internet so effectively. You learn so much, and in all different directions too.
The horses there were like real families; it was almost like playing God. You decided their future, offspring, family: their very lives were in the palm of your hand. I made real friends there and they always sympathized with me, no matter what. I realize some were faking and some really did have problems when they talked about their lives. I remember someone once posting a poem about “friends without faces”. Sometimes, they’re the best confidents you could ever have. You don’t feel embarrassed or stupid; you can tell them anything you want and it really helps. Sometimes it takes a deadweight off your chest and in return, you can give advice and sympathy to those who need it. I think that for the past few years, we have really needed each other, even without knowing it. Now, having grown up together really, I think some of us are ready to move on. To them, I’m real and unblemished by lies and rumors, just as they are to me.
Many times when I have been on, everything reminded me of a song; “There’s somewhere that you can go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. You want a place where you can see your troubles are all the same; you want to go where everybody knows your name.” It’s true. I would log into chat as Cassie and got an immediate response. JBTH was also a place where your imagination could run unbound.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do just yet. For ages now I have been one of the strongest players; a staple holding the game together. Once upon a golden time, I played around 70 characters! Now, tell me, is that dedication or what? I used to look forward to getting home, just to sign on and tell them about my day. Lately, everyone there has been talking about “making JBTH like it used to be” but I’m afraid that it might never happen. I’m afraid it might be too far gone to save. Whatever the case, though, I wish I could just thank everyone there, who is now long gone, for being there and being with me. There are still a few immortal characters but all of their glow is fading into darkness once more. It’s hard to describe. It reminds me of famous horses, finally past their prime. Soon, they are sold away to become a little girl’s pet or a schoolyard hack and completely forgotten. They slip away and if anyone ever wonders what happens to them, it’s a million to one that they will have a history beyond their racing days. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. Why can’t things always be like they used to be?
I hate change. It creeps up behind you and gives you a nasty stab in the back, just when you were happy with the way things are. People often say that change is for the better, but only after it has afflicted that sometimes-fatal wound.
ok that was obviously incredibly lame and disjointed but o well. i've been thinking lately. what i'm going to try doing (if nothing drastic happens)is staying here until the end of school. if i still get the feeling that JBTH is falling apart, i'll reconsider quitting; but if not, i might stay until the end of summer etc. ok well anywho i hope you didn't read all of that junk, but thanks for letting me get it off my chest!
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