Re: Wednesday? -- Christopher Ford, Amateur Paranormalist

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Date Posted: 13:02:22 04/26/02 Fri
Author: ~Steve-o
Subject: Re: Wednesday?
In reply to: Hetta 's message, "Wednesday?" on 23:09:56 04/25/02 Thu

<DJ... drop one of them funky ass Joe Frank beats on us>

Boss
You know, I've been looking at this eTurnips.com and I really think we should emulate them.

Steveo
But we don't sell turnips.

Boss
I know, but I'm just saying. They run a good business.

Steveo
But we don't sell turnips.

Boss
But we should implement it into our system. And if we modeled ourselves after them, then we'd have a good business too!

Steveo
But we don't sell turnips.

Boss
I think we need to keep an open mind. Let's not get bogged down in what we should and shouldn't do, let's just make a great product.

Steveo
So now we're selling turnips?

Later

Steveo
Boss, we need a little red wagon to move these turnips around.

Boss
Great, I'll call Bobcat.

Steveo
We don't need a Bobcat, we need a little red wagon.

Boss
I'll order us a Bobcat.

Steveo
We don't need a Bobcat.

Boss
But isn't a Bobcat bigger than a little red wagon?

Steveo
Yes.

Boss
And isn't bigger better?

Steveo
No.

Boss
Ok, I'll get on the phone.

Later

Boss
I got us a dumptruck.

Steveo
For what?!

Boss
For the turnips.

Steveo
WHAT?! What am I supposed to do with a dumptruck?

Boss
Put the turnips in it.

Steveo
We can't! It doesn't even fit through our door!!

Boss
Well, I was talking to the people who sold us the system and they said they'd have a patch available shortly that will allow you to enter a building with it.

Steveo
That's impossible! You can't fit a six foot-wide truck through a three foot-wide door!!

Boss
They'll have the patch ready for us shortly. They assured me.

Steveo
You mean like the chicken people?

Boss
Boy! Ha ha! What a fiasco that was! We waited, what, three months for their "life" upgrade, and all the while we had cases of dead chickens rotting in the office! Ha ha! Boy, I won't make that mistake again.

Steveo
Gimme the keys to the truck. I'll carry the damn turnips down myself.

Boss
Here ya go. Oh, by the way, I talked to another company that does something that might be able to get our chickens working. I'm sending them a check for $380,000 today for their system.

Later

Boss
I bought a new customer-service automated telephone help system.

Steveo
Why?

Boss
Because customer-service is the most important thing to this business. We're not going to float if we don't have good customer service.

Steveo
Um, ok.

Boss
I want you to make all of our turnips work with the new system.

Steveo
WHAT?!?

Boss
Can you have it done by the end of the day?

Steveo
NO!

Boss
I added it to your agenda sheet. It needs to be implemented ASAP because I've hired some people to test it out for us and give us feedback.

Steveo
I can't hook a phone to a turnip, it's impossible!

Boss
The people who sold me the system assured me their tech support team can help you if you can't figure it out.

Steveo
It's not a matter of figuring it out, YOU CAN'T HOOK A PHONE UP TO A TURNIP!!!

Boss
Are you saying that because you've never done this before?

Steveo
NO!! I'M SAYING IT BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! A turnip and a phone cannot communicate!

Boss
But turnips and turnips communicate.

Steveo
THEY DO NOT!!

Boss
Yes they do, I've seen it. They use Java beans. Or maybe it was framesets. Or was it portlets? Whatever. There's gotta be a patch. Maybe if we port our turnips to Linus?

Steveo
Linux.

Boss
Right. That uses framesets, right? Can you use Cascading Style Sheets on our Linux turnips? Oh, and here's the new system for the chickens.

Steveo
It's a box full of Christmas lights and dowl rods.

Boss
We can get a government grant if we distribute then to underprivileged children.

Steveo
You're giving dead, blinking chickens with sticks up their asses to children?

Boss
Of course not. That's why I've set up this new web-based meeting system, so they can see the chickens over the internet. And we're hiring 15 new people to run the shows, I'll need you to learn the system so you can train them.

The products have been changed for the benefit of those who don't work in the tech sector, but otherwise this is my week. Needless to say, I've been of a mind to write the last part. But I'm working on it, I promise.

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Replies:

Re: Wednesday? -- TechnoAtheist, 15:14:11 04/26/02 Fri
- Re: Wednesday? -- ~Steve-o, 17:04:39 04/26/02 Fri
  - Re: Wednesday? -- Hetta, 21:46:34 04/26/02 Fri