Author:
Bee
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Date Posted: 08:26:21 07/28/01 Sat
This Is All Your Fault- You Knocked Me Up 19 Years Ago....
July 28, 2001
My sons have been in and out all summer. I feel like I am running a youth hostel combined with a weekend all-you-can-eat service. The boys come home on Saturday, consume every edible thing in the house, sleep, eat, burp, do their laundry, eat some more after I have had to make a trip to the store and then leave again on Sunday morning. It is a disaster of BIBLICAL proportions if someone (who shall remain nameless but is the only woman in the house) wakes them up before the crack of 11:30. They have also gone feral and have all the table manners of starving hyenas.
The Temperamental Mr. Bee was complaining that his legacies for the future are only going to be suitable for frat parties or hot dog eating contests and was indicating that this MIGHT be a lapse in my parenting techniques. Herein lies the root of all male illogic-
If he hadn't knocked me up 19 years ago, this would be a non-problem!
Do women get pregnant spontaneously outside of Bethlehem 2001 years ago? No, I don't think so! Do I fart and burp at the dinner table? No, I don't think so! Do I consume 1/2 gallon of ice cream, 4 pieces of pizza, 2 glasses of milk, a banana, a left over pork chop, part of a bag of tortilla chips with salsa, 3 pickles, a couple glasses of Diet Coke, a package of licorice and a partridge in a pear tree before lunch on Saturdays? NO, I DON'T THINK SO!
Has he checked that there is a similarity in plumbing, manners, priorities, eating habits, and bodily eruptions between him and his sons that is NOT present in their Canonized Mother? No, I don't think so!
Prince Andrew has decided to stay at camp this weekend so he can consume someone else's food stores while sleeping in until noon. Travis goes back to camp but he is less trouble at home- the Fair Lindsey is sufficiently distracting from spreading his possessions all over the house and eating constantly. I have 5 days to restock the kitchen and wash towels.
Little did I know that getting knocked up had such long term consequences!
As Ever,
Your Own Bee
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