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Subject: Re: 震靈(初次嘗試寫詩,請指教)


Author:
小講兩句
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Date Posted: 03:33:18 05/26/02 Sun
In reply to: 治 's message, "震靈(初次嘗試寫詩,請指教)" on 08:00:13 05/20/02 Mon


>我在夢中受了驚蜇
>怔怔的問:
>「父,為何如斯憤怒」
>你竟驟然詳和的回答說:
>「孩子,我只為了你們的靈」

這一段扯得太散了
我認為不必將「我」和「你」的態度都形容得這麼詳細,尤其不必開新行。

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Re: 震靈(初次嘗試寫詩,請指教)04:50:39 05/29/02 Wed


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