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Date Posted: 18:30:36 02/27/00 Sun
Author: Extreme(God Im Sick)
Subject: Ben Der



Three guys wearing leather jackets, walk on the sidewalk, listening to some rap s--- as they move. The three of them all walk at the same pace, slow. As they move up the sidewalk, they grab women on the ass, push men on the ground and offer children crack. As people walk closer to the three punk ass kids, they step away, as far as they can. So far the three of them gave around 20 women a grab on the ass, pushed down 35 people all together and was able to force 7 kids into getting high. It was very funny as the kids turned into a walking thing without a brain. It wasn't just funny to the three kids, but to everybody. The seven kids tripped on their own feet, walk for a couple seconds, then fall down on the sidewalk and fall asleep. The worst experience out of all these kids was when, someone lost control of direction, and wondered into the middle of the road. God thing a car didn't hit him, but a rock, which the three guys threw. Well onto the story, the three kids in leather jackets are still up to their no good crap. Well, now a kind of old person is walking down the sidewalk toward his destiny of the three kids. The man who is walking near the three kids doesn't even notice them because he is reading the largest newspaper I've ever seen. The three kids notice him, and start to talk amongst themselves, possibly of what they are going to do to the innocent man. They start to run at a pretty quick pace, and crowd around the man like vultures. One stands behind the man, another stands northeast and the other stands northwest of the man. The man reading the paper still doesn't notice the three trouble making delinquents, that is until the three kids in jackets turn up the volume to the boom-box they were carrying around. The man suddenly lowers the paper, and reveals to the three of them that it is Extreme. Extreme looks at the three of them in wonder. The three kids in the jackets let out a good hard laugh, which Extreme doesn't appreciate too much.



One Kid in Leather Jacket: Hey boys! Look what we got here, a clown.



The three kids laugh again, and Extreme isn't as angry. Extreme holds the paper over his face again to read, and walks on down the sidewalk. Of course the three bastards follow Extreme like a dog following his master.



One Kid in Leather Jacket: Hey f--- face! You going to say anything you f---ing retard? I think what my friend was trying to say is that you are a dumb ass for wearing a god damn clown mask.



One Kid in Other Jacket: Yeah!



Extreme lowers the newspaper again, and stares at the three of them in frustration. The kids smile because they got Extreme's attention. Extreme looks up at the sun and stares at it for a large sum of time. The kids look at each other asking the same question in their minds, "What the hell is this guy doing." The three kids in leather jackets follow Extreme's example, and look up at the sun. Happy Clown starts to walk away slowly and quietly. He gets about ten steps away from the situation when one of the kids looks where Extreme was originally standing. He notices that Extreme is not standing there anymore, and sees him farther down the sidewalk. Extreme stares at the kid who notices him, and the kid stares back like he's gralling with his eyes. The person who noticed him taps his friends on the shoulder to get their attentions. Extreme shakes his head, and holds the paper up to his face again, and starts to walk on. Of course the kids come back to Extreme in a mere five seconds. Now the three are furious, and they roll down the jacket sleeves. Extreme takes a glance at one of the kids, and notices them rolling down their sleeves, and Extreme shakes his head in disbelief.



Extreme: Hey, I wouldn't do that if I were you.



The kid in the leather jacket to the left of Extreme gives Extreme a hefty shove, which staggers Extreme into a shops outside wall. Extreme drops his paper, and stares at all the kids with his hands at his side. Extreme still shows no interest in fighting these kids. The same kid who pushed Extreme before punches Extreme in the gut. Extreme tumbles backward against the window to the same shop. The window of course cracks, but it doesn't break, but it makes enough noise that people fill around the scene, like it's a huge event. Extreme stares at the kid who has been trying to beat him up.



Extreme: Kid, don't start!



The kid doesn't listen of course, so the kid jumps at Happy Clown with a flying kick. Extreme steps nimbly aside and the kid kicks through the window, and lands on a table where people are eating. The kid looks up at Extreme, whom has a smile on his face. The kid stares at the smiling Extreme for a couple of seconds until his body kicks in, and he passes out. The people at the table, knowing whom this kid is from past experiences with him, force his eye open and cover his eye with salt. They now open the kid in the leather jackets mouth, and put an Alka-Seltzer tablet in it. The kid suddenly awakes because there is a burning feeling in his eyes, and he starts to run around the restaurant like a headless chicken, and he smashes into the wall. He falls down on the ground, and his eyes start to tear out the salt. As he starts to relax because his eyes don't ache as much, some white foam starts to drizzle down his chin. He opens the mouth and starts to gag like crazy. He spits out some of the foam, but it keeps coming. Everyone starts to laugh at the messed up kid in the leather jacket. The people eating at the restaurant search around for other things, and they find it. The family dining at the table picks up the pepper, ketchup, mustard, cheese, all the spices and herbs, and they start to heave everything at the poor kid. All of a sudden all this is broken up as some woman comes in. She has temper in her voice, and she is very angry, which you can see in her face.



Woman: What the hell are you doing to my poor child! It's OK Henry, come to mommy and I'll deal with this. Now anyone, please tell me who did this to my poor innocent son?



Everyone points to Extreme, and Extreme stands flabbergasted. The kid in the leather jacket named Henry gets up and runs into his moms' arms. The mom holds her son tight to her bosom. The mother looks about she's in her early thirties, and her son looks like he's 17, or 18. Extreme doesn't want to think how old that woman was until she was impregnated. The woman puts her son aside and charges at Extreme with flying kick just like her son. What's different this time is that she hits Happy Clown in the face. Extreme falls face down on the ground, and starts to get up, but the woman jumps on Extreme's back, and puts a rag over Extreme's face, which has something on it because as soon as Extreme inhales, he is knocked out completely.



Later That Day...





Extreme awakes on the sidewalk with his ground lying on it. He jumps up quickly because the ground is disgusting. Extreme looks around at the scene, and notices that it is night. He starts to walk down the sidewalk, the same way he was going before. He starts cursing himself that a lady beat him up, but she cheated by using drugs. Extreme suddenly sees what he didn't want to see.



Pimp: Ladies, Ladies! Buy them while they are hot!



Extreme starts to walk backwards slowly, but is noticed by the pimp. Extreme just decides to go the same way that he was going before, but then realizes something, "Where the hell am I going?" Extreme starts to laugh at himself hysterically because he feels that it is funny.



Pimp: What are you laughing at you clown boy? You think that my girls are funny, you think they're ugly?



The least thing Extreme wants is to be rioted by prostitutes, so Extreme shakes his head no. Extreme starts to walk in the direction of the pimp, and the prostitutes, when he is halted by the pimp. The pimp looks at Extreme with anger in his eyes.



Pimp: Why did it take you so long to answer clown? Do you want me to turn that smile upside down?



Extreme: I'm sorry, but don't you know who I am? You think you alone could beat me up. Well I'll tell you sir, no one, and I mean no one can beat up Extreme.



Pimp: No one you say? Alice get out here.



Extreme: Alice?



Extreme all of a sudden sees the prostitutes clearing aside, and out of the bunch comes what Happy Clown assumes Alice. Extreme gasps in disbelief because it seems to Extreme that Alice is the woman that beat him up earlier.



Extreme: Wait, I know that girl. It's the girl that beat me...that's the girl that I acted beat up to because I didn't want to hit a girl. What I know of her is that she fights better than Ben Der which isn't a compliment, it is a put down because I have to admit ben Der fights like a woman, so it made me think he was a woman, so I couldn't hit him either for our match... Who the hell am I kidding, I didn't train for that match, nor have I been training for the match on Saturday, good thing I have time. Now Alice, listen to me. You take a step forward, we are going to fight, and I'll kick your ass. You take a step back, I walk on, and I'll break this little pimps hand if he doesn't let go of my shirt.



The pimp takes his eyes from Extreme's face, and down to Extreme's shirt, and sure enough he finds his hand tightened around his shirts. The pimps' eyes open wide, and he takes his hand off Extreme's shirt quickly, and backs away ever so slowly, like Extremeis a dog with rabies, and will strike if there is a sudden movement. Extreme now looks away from the pimp, and over to the woman, which is right in front of Extreme, with a fist swinging at Extreme's face. Extreme just wasn't ready for anything like that, so he gets hit squared in the nose. Extreme falls backward on his ass, and sniffs up the blood coming from his now bloody nose.



Extreme: So, I guess that means you do want to fight. That's it momma, you're dead, which what happened to your son.



Extreme jumps to his feet and stares at Alice. Alice looks as if she didn't appreciate that comment, and she tightens her fist. As she tightens her fist, you can hear the knuckles cracking, and Extreme gulps as he swallows spit. Alice starts a sprint to Extreme. Extreme puts up a defensive stance. The woman throws a palm punch and Extreme steps quickly aside. As he dodges this, he grabs Alice's arm, and twists it, so it's behind her back. She squeals in pain, like a pig eating food and Extreme bring his head close to her ear.



Extreme: Why is it that everywhere I went today, I was trying to get beaten up. And you were in two of the fights out of the three. Now, I'm going to do The Extreme Measures, and make you sleep, like you did to me. Now you can have the experience of laying face down in the sidewalk for a couple hours.



Extreme does a boston crab to Alice, and she screams in agonizing pain. Extreme does this slowly and for a long time, so she can faint from the pain. After about a minute of this, she loses consciousness and Extreme stands up, and does a dance around the pimp and the prostitutes. Extreme doesn't care much, so he just does this for awhile, until he feels he got his point across. Extreme starts to walk away from the pimps and prostitutes, but looks back at them.



Extreme: Actually, I think you're all ugly, but you won't be as ugly as BD will be after our match Monday.



The girls sigh with relief, and the pimp smiles with pride. Extreme turns away from them with a smile on his face because he accomplished what he thought was impossible. Extreme starts to continue down the sidewalk alert for anything because of all those fights. If Extreme saw a teenager in a leather jacket, he would punch him. If Extreme saw any type of woman, he'd grab her and do The Extreme Measures to put her asleep. If he saw a male, he'd criticize his prostitutes. Extreme might have though too early, though because out of the alleyway shadows pops out a kid probably ten. Extreme just doesn't notice, so the kid has to get it.



Kid: Excuse me. Mr. Extreme...Extreme?



Extreme: Your prostitutes are ugly, and if you have one named Alice, don't suspect her to come back.



Extreme turns around to look at what he thinks is a man, but he finds the ten-year old kid. Extreme grits his teeth together, and starts to get out of there again. He doesn't want another psycho mother coming after him. The kid doesn't care that Extreme is trying to run away, the kid thinks that Extreme is playing a game. The kid runs up next to Extreme and Extreme looks down at him still feeling bad.



Extreme: What do you want kid? I've had some bad experiences with kids, so I don't want you here.



Kid: Ohh, you mean Tyler?



Extreme glares at the kid in anger, and the kid looks away.



Extreme: Don't remind me kid. That kid made me lose all my fans.



Kid: Not all your fans.



Extreme: Are you saying you're a fan of mine!!!



Kid: Hell no!



Extreme looks away in disgust. The kid notices this, and looks at Extreme.



Kid: I'm joking Extreme. You're my role model!



Extreme: Great kid, but don't you have to go home now?



Kid: Well, no. My father is in a deep slumber because he drinks...drinks a lot. When he wakes up, it will be beating time, so I need to get as far away from him as possible.



Extreme: Fathers are supposed to be good f---ing role models! What are are f---ing shitty kids grow up too with goddamn role models like that! Aww shit, f---, c--- sucker!



Kid: Yes... Well, anyway, did you know you have a match with BD on Monday?



Extreme: Yes I do, and since you bring that up, I'd just like to tell Ben Der that he's going to lose.



Kid: Why would you believe that? I mean you lost your first match to him.



Extreme: You better watch your mouth kid.



Kid: Sorry...uhh. Hey, what do you think about this match. I know how I do; I'm looking forward to you kicking BD's ass.



Extreme: Where do you learn this language from? Well anyway, I feel this match won't be a one sided show, which I know BD is thinking. Well actually it will be a one sided show, it just won't be him being the show. I know this match has a lot of people saying that it will go to BD because he's the best in the fed. Well, I got to tell everyone, and BD that there will be a new person running the HWF. I'm sure this will be a good match because unlike last time, I just was not ready for it. I don't know how long the match will be, nor do I know how much intensity two good fighters will put into it. But what I do know, and can tell you, which you can quote me on is that I will win this Euro Title. For winning this I will hold the Euro Belt above my head and hold it in front of the camera to donate it to you, to kid. I will also rub that belt, which I should already have, in the fat ugly face of Ben Der to make sure he nevers say that he will beat Extreme, and this will be a lesson to everybody. First don't get a match with Extreme. Second, don't say you can beat me because I will rub that in your face so much that my opponent would wish he were dead. Now, back to the match. Since this is a Euro match, it's against the best wrestler in the HWF, or second best because Jeff Matthews is pretty good and it's for the Euro Belt. Well, I just have to win because it's for my most prized possession. This is why I love rematches because even if you lost you can beat the son of the bitch that beat you before. The feeling you get inside after beating someone who beat you before, you just can't control your actions. Kid; don't be surprised if I take a s--- on Ben Der after the match. Actually after I beat BD. I know this match will be a sold out one because first I'm fighting in it, and everyone loves to see me. Also Ben Der is the best fighter in the HWF, so I have to wonder why in the hell is it a lower card match. First because it's for a title, and it's two of the best fighters in the HWF. BD, I bet you think that this match will be another easy one like the one before, well if people have been betting against me, betting for you, they will lose there money. I will be giving the spectators a run for their money, and you a run for your gold. At the end of this match, I will pull the Euro Belt away from you. What will I do when I get this belt? That's an easy question kid, as I said before, I will dedicate the win to you because you were the only person that came up to me today, and didn't want to fight, nor are you a pimp and a psycho mom named Alice. When that bell rings, I will come out, and go right out, so I can try to end this match early, but what I said before, I don't know how long the fight will be. All I know, is that I will win, which you know kid. I'm glad I was given another title shot for the Euro Belt and I am psyched that I can fight, and eventually beat, the worst fighter in the HWF . I've read the possibilities in the paper this morning of how much you're favored. What I've read is that BD is favored 5-1. Either that's a s--- paper, or people think I suck. Either way, can you believe that kid? I know I can't, that is why I was so interested in reading a paper this morning instead of fighting. Hell, I love to fight, but I need to save all my strength, power and energy to use BD's body as a crash dummy. Now if there was a camera with me all today, I would have beaten up anyone who wanted to get into a fight with me to show BD he has something harder to go up against than just a clown. I'm not a joke as experts are saying, and even B.D., I am Extreme. The Extreme that will win the European Belt, the Extreme that will win the match, Extreme that will beat Ben Der. Then BD will know his role to Extreme, a punching bag and to lose to me, never to win as he's been saying.



Kid: You're scaring me. MOMMA!!!



The kid starts to run off into the darkness of the shadows in the alleyway. Extreme starts to grind his teeth together, and runs off farther down the sidewalk. He realizes once again that he has no idea where he's going, but he thinks he's rater be running away in any direction then toy be beaten down by another crazy lady. Extreme suddenly finds out where he has been going because up ahead he finds an interview set outside. The star of the show waits impatiently, but stops as he sees Happy Clown. The star waves Extreme over and Extreme comes running at a sprint. Extreme reaches the set, and sits down in the seat next to the star/interviewer.



Star/Interviewer: Where the hell have you been. I've been sitting my ass off that it feels like my ass will fall off. I can't even feel it. You better be good, or else I will do...do...something to you.



Extreme: Ohh, I'll do well. I'll raise these ratings so high because people love to hear my voice, and love to hear Extreme made fun of.



Star/Interviewer: Ben Der, what the hell are you talking about. Well anyway get ready because we are going to start now.



The star/interviewer signals to the camera man to start the camera, and the director holds his loud speaking device and says, "Ready on the set?" Both Extreme and the star/interviewer signal to the camera that they are ready. The cameraman counts down from five to one, and the camera is turned on, and so does the interviewers mouth.



Star/Interviewer: Welcome back you all to another episode of I am a Homosexual and have no Friends. I am Joe Daniel, and I'd like to welcome another homosexual with no friends. What is your name?



Extremelooks at Joe Daniel in disbelief, and Joe Daniel starts to get wrestles, so he mumbles to Extreme, "What's your name?"



Extreme: Extreme, but uhh...



Joe Daniel pulls the microphone away from Extreme before Extreme can finish. Extreme looks as if he is going to cry, but he tries his best not to show it.



Joe Daniel: Extreme is our new person we can help by calling in and helping by saying inspirational words that soothes the pressure of being gay and having no friends. Extreme, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?



Joe Daniel brings the microphone close to Extreme now frowning face, and Extreme opens his mouth slowly noticing that his mouth is very, very dry.



Extreme: Well first, I ain't a f---ing faggot, and for whoever watches this show is. I thought this was a wrestling interview spot, but now I just found out that it's for gays. What the hell is this show anyway, I've never heard of it...



Again Joe Daniel brings the microphone away from Extreme's mouth, which makes Extreme very angry this time.



Joe Daniel: We know you feel ashamed about your status, but this show is for to help you. It helps you by making you feel better about your life. You may still be unstraight at the end of the show, but my job is to help you find the spot in you that can give you friends.



Extreme grabs the microphone out of the hand of Joe Daniel, who sits o his seat stunned of what happened. Extreme gets off his seat, and stands in front of the Joe Daniel.



Extreme: As I was saying I ain't gay. What I can say and which I know is true, is Joe Daniel over here is.



Extreme steps aside from standing in front of Joe Daniel, and uses his whole hand to point to Joe Daniel. The camera picks up Joe Daniel snarling, but takes him out of the picture as he walks to the right, which the camera follows since Extremehas the microphone.



Extreme: Hello everybody. I'm sure most of you don't know me, and some of you do. That is if anyone watches this low funding show. Now the topic tonight is a man named Ben Der. Now I know that Joe Daniel has been taking lessons from Ben Der, but for short B.D., of being gay. Now Ben, it appears we have a match this Monday, and oh boy am I looking forward to kicking your ass to all the corners of the ring. Before you said that I can only win by cheating, and some s--- like that, well it's fun to do that. That's the whole point of wrestling, to do whatever possible to get the crowd on their feet. The crowd loved the fact that I got EJ to bleed, and that I hit him into the pole because I removed the padding. Now what I see is that you are on a losing streak, not a big losing streak, but a losing streak. Right now there is only one day left till our match. In this match you will of course gain a loss, but you will lose something, and that is the Euro Title because it's mine, and I will show you it should be mine after beating you on monday, and taking it away from you. All I have to do three simple things, walking down to the ring, climbing in the ring, and beating you. You've been saying that this match is just going to be a repeat, but I have to tell you something Ben Der, there aren't three people in the ring at the same time. It's two on two. The kind of fighting that I like, the kind of fighting you can't handle, the kind of fighting that will add to your losing streak. It will be like trying to handle Michael Jordan in a basketball game. No one ever did, no team ever did, so how can you handle Extreme? I just have to laugh out loud that you actually think that you can beat me. The only way you can use the term, "I will beat Extreme", is if you wish. In real life, now that's different, it's different than wishing, it's different to praying to god because god can't even handle me, which is a task you must find out at our match on monday. I know you can fight great, you know the same about me as well. You see we are both great fighters, but there's a difference between both of us, one of us is better, and I'm sorry to say it, it's not you. You can keep saying these untrue goddamn speeches, do them as much as you want to gain support, and to make you feel better. The only thing is that no matter what you say, you can't psyche me out, you can't hurt my feelings because I know I will win no matter what you say. It doesn't matter what anyone says, not even Prez, I will win this match because the more people say I will lose, the more of a reason I will win, to show that I can't lose, and to make fun of the experts that say I will. As the clock ticks, the better I feel because the ticking mechanism of a clock makes me think of breaking bones, which I will hear many times in the match because I will do this many times to you in our match on Monday. You will feel like you are getting whipped on Monday, and you will be red all over because my arm will hit, slap and nail you all over your body so much blood will drizzle down your body like you were whipped. Also I do moves quickly, which you will be shown on Monday. I just can't wait to see your frightened face as I set up to do The Extreme Measures. Then when I do it, you will be crying and screaming in pain because I know it hurts and no one can hold back the pain of my finisher besides me. I have a whole one day to get ready for this match, to get ready to beat you, but most of all take away the only thing that makes you known in the HWF still, the thing you call dignity. I hoped you enjoyed it, and cleaned it well because it my precious belt is dirty, or messed up, we will fight in the ring to see who has to clean it. All I know on Monday so far is that I will win the match on Monday because my job is to win, and that's what I do because my name is Extreme.



Extreme is grinning a grin of victory, and looks over to his right to see Joe Daniel lunging at Extreme. Joe Daniel body presses Extreme to the ground, and Extreme starts to pant.

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