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Date Posted: 16:21:22 08/16/02 Fri
Author: Xtreme
Subject: Xtreme and the X Games

(The scene opens on the porch of Xtreme's apartment building. Xtreme is sitting on one of the chairs, holding an empty bottle of Rolling Rock. He does not look very happy, then again, does he ever? But on this day, there is a particular glumness about Xtreme. Perhaps it is the burns on his chest or arms, or maybe it's the fact that he lost his first GWA title a few short weeks after he won it. Jake is not on the porch with him, and is apparently not in the apartment either. This does not seem to worry Xtreme as he continues to sit in silence on his porch, staring out in the city of Philadelphia. Suddenly, Xtreme rears back and smashes the empty bottle on his porch. The glass scatters everywhere as Xtreme says)


Xtreme: Goddamnit! I suppose you're waiting for me to say "Congrats, Skylar, you won" or "You were the better man and I admit it"...but I'm not going to say it! You know why? Because I'm an evil, selfish, vindictive, sore loser! That's why! I mean not only did you take my title but you fucking tried to end my life! Maybe, just maybe, I could've let your beating me go without too much fuss...but you fucking set me on fire and hold a gun to me and keep EMT's from putting my ass out! What kind of sick fuck are you, man?! Fuck, I've got enough problems with Lost Worlds thinking I'm running around with his wife that now I've got to live with my first GWA loss gnawing away at my very existence. Hell, I say I'm a sore loser, just because you lose in the semi-finals of some tournament doesn't warrant setting another human being on fire, you demented, twisted freak! You've already held titles, Skylar...you've already had your time in the sun and you couldn't stand by and let a new guy like me have my time! Noooo...you had to play the role of the tough, grizzled veteran and make the new guy like me "learn my role" right? Well, Skylar, if you think I'm just gonna stand by and let what you did to me go unanswered...you're a bigger fucking idiot than I thought. I haven't been able to think clearly enough to figure out just what will happen to you...but mark my words you will not get away with this travesty. I swear on my own life that you will NOT walk out of Insurrection the Colosseum champion. I may not be able to promise much in this life, but this is one thing you can take to the bank. That Colosseum title will not be around your waist come Thursday morning. You may think I'm just talking out my ass here, but I swear to fucking Christ that I will make sure your life is a fucking miserable hell. I thought you could've taken your loss at To The Max like an adult and said "Oh well, I lost to the better man", but no you had to drag it out and make it come to this. So when Thursday morning comes and you come to the realization that you are no longer the Colosseum champion, I will take full credit and responsibility for it, and you will know just why you are not the Colosseum champion. I know I couldn't have stay undefeated forever, especially holding a title...but I didn't want to go down like that. I'm not one to usually make excuses, but after the beat I took at the hands of Shadow, it's a wonder I even competed with Skylar Thomas! If I had been fresh and ready to fight, there's no question that I would still be Colosseum champion right now, but I had a match with Michael Merlin the week before and a match with the Union and then got taken out by Shadow who had a sledgehammer! And you know what Skylar Thomas was doing during all this?? NOTHING! He has sitting on his ass at home two weeks ago licking his wounds and then when I was getting the shit kicked out of me by Shadow, he was sitting on his ass in his dressing room! If I had two fucking weeks to prepare for a title match, I would've been better prepared but this was fucking ridiculous! Goddamnit!


(Xtreme kicks a large portion of the shattered bottle to the ground and is about to head back into his apartment when Jake's voice can be heard coming from street level. Xtreme looks down and sees Jake riding a skateboard around in the street. Xtreme shakes his head and rubs his temples as he races into his apartment and out the door. He runs down the stairs to the street where Jake is very wobbly riding a skateboard up and down the street)


Xtreme: What the hell are you doing, Jake? You're gonna kill yourself, get off that thing.


(Jake slowly turns and makes his way over to Xtreme)


Jake: What are you a cop? I'm thrashing.


Xtreme: Shut up, Jake. Where did you even get that skateboard?


Jake: What's that pig? You want me to crank another 900 McTwist frontside ollie nosegrinding cherry shaver on your ass? I got it from Toys 'R' Us, cop!


(Jake continues to ride his board around on the street)


Xtreme: Just because you played Tony Hawk's video game doesn't mean you're a professional skater, dude.


(Jake begins to skate back over to Xtreme but leans back to far and the board flies forward out from under him and Jake takes one of those falls where you seem to float for a second before landing on your ass, hard. Xtreme shakes his head and walks over to Jake who is now basically laying in the middle of the street)


Xtreme: Dude, I told you that you were gonna fall and kill yourself.


(Jake does not move)


Xtreme: Dude, if you don't start breathing in another ten minutes I'm gonna call the paramedics.


(Suddenly Jake sits up and looks at Xtreme)


Jake: I just had an idea that is the best idea ever that I have ever had.


Xtreme: What did you just say...


Jake: No time for talk, I need you to drive me somewhere, now!


Xtreme: No Jake...no. Just no. I'm not doing anymore of your stupid shit for you. This is not the time, Jake. I'm serious.


Jake: Aw, come on, Xtreme! Maybe it will calm you down a little.


Xtreme: I don't need to calm down! Damnit! No, Jake, we are not doing this.


TEN MINUTES LATER



(Xtreme and Jake are sitting in Xtreme's car. Xtreme is driving down the street, shaking his head)


Xtreme: Will you at least tell me where we're going?


Jake: To the First Union Center.


Xtreme: Why in God's name are we going there?!


Jake: So I can be in the X Games!


Xtreme: Look Jake, I don't have time for this crap! I've got a big tag match with Assassin against the Usual Circle-Jerk Suspects, Lost worlds is on my ass because he thinks I'm fooling around with Ambre...which I'm not! And I lost my Colosseum title! No, Jake! No!


Jake: Fine, Xtreme...crush my dreams like so many beer cans against my head...


Xtreme: Damnit, Jake, this better not be a waste of my time.


Jake: It won't be. I know you're pissed about losing to Thomas so I'll try not to take too long.


Xtreme: You're damn right I'm pissed. But that’s not the only thing I'm pissed about. There's so many things fucked up in my life right now...it's hard to name them all. First Lost bad mouths me in front of the world saying I'm cheating with his wife, Ambre. First off, we've known each long enough that I thought Lost would know better that I would never do such a thing. But his paranoid little mind thinks that just because I was over his house to hang out with him and he wasn't home...he was off doing porn or something...I wait around with Ambre and we just talked and watched TV. Lost comes in, butt naked, and blows everything out of proportion. Here he is standing there completely naked except for a Pikachu doll, and he think I'm the one who's been fooling around? Well, Lost, I don't know what the hell has gotten into your head lately but you need to snap out of it. Right now, Lost is not the most important thing on my mind. Right now I've got my mind on more gold...gold like the Legion titles. Sure I'm pissed off about my Colosseum title, but I'm closer to the Legion titles than I am the Colosseum title. Me and Assassin destroyed Goliath and Daher at Insurrection, and I must say I thought it was a very nice going away present for Daher. At least, I thought it was. But then we have the Circle-Jerk losers, Haseem Naser Ali and Anthony "Shadow" Craven. Two men who feel themselves above Mr. Storm's booking schedule. They felt they did not need to show up to their scheduled match, and decided to attack myself and Assassin after our match with Daher and Goliath. Now this is the part I can't figure out...they skip out on their scheduled match, yet given ANOTHER shot at the Legion title #1 Contendership which is currently held by myself and the Assassin. Now why do they deserve a shot at the number one contendership if they couldn't even show up to fight in our match? I know...this is a match for the number one contender ship...this a match so me and Assassin can beat down Shadow and Ali for not showing up. Mr. Storm wants to watch and enjoy as you two get exactly what you deserve...an ass kicking for disobeying him. You Circle-Jerks may not like him, but he is your boss and you do what the boss says. You are not above Mr. Storm's law, and me and Assassin will teach you that the hard way. I've had problems with the Circle before, and now I have even more problems with these assholes now that I've allied myself with Mr. Storm. But it is no matter, the Circle does not scare me. They nothing more than a group of punks to me and I will show Ali and Craven exactly what I do to punks. Sure, Mr. Storm is dangling the #1 contendership for the Legion titles above their heads but that is all it is doing. Dangling there in front of their face...but they have no chance of ever reaching it. I lost my Colosseum title and I'll be damned if I lose this shot to regain some more gold for my waist. Ali and Craven have no respect for the GWA or anything in it, but at Insurrection Assassin and I will teach them some damned respect. It doesn't matter what kind of match they want to make it. It can be hardcore, it can be singles, it can be anything they fucking want because whatever they make it, it will only be more enjoyable for me to destroy them in. They want a Last Man Standing match inside a hell in the cell cage? That is great by me. I want nothing more than you knock Ali and Craven's asses out cold and walk out of Insurrection with our shots at the Legion title securely in place. Ali is no threat to me, but I want nothing more than to get my hands around the neck of Craven and squeeze until no air can pass through. You think that attacking me and Assassin was smart? You think you made a point? Well attacking me and my partner like that, then wanting a no DQ last man standing match was probably the stupidest thing you could've done. I know Assassin is not as vindictive as me, but I know he will be just waiting with baited breath to get back at Craven for humiliating us at Insurrection. Assassin and I will be the next GWA Legion Champions, you can count on that.


(Xtreme continues to drive for a little while longer until they come upon the FU Center where there is a huge skate park set up in the parking lot. Jake looks excitedly around to see if any pros are around. To his delight, he sees many people riding the park and the half pipe set up. Xtreme parks the car and Jake grabs his skateboard and jumps out of the car. Xtreme gets out of his car and sits on the hood and watches Jake as he runs off. Some guys are riding the half pipe and Jake runs up to a guy standing next to it. The guy hears Jake run up to him and turns around to reveal that he in none other than skating legend, Tony Hawk. Jake apparently doesn't know or realize who it is)


Tony Hawk: Who are you?


Jake: What are you a cop? Watch me pull a rail slide off that half pipe, cop!


Tony Hawk: Dude, I'm Tony Hawk. What are you doing here?


Jake: I want to be in the X Games, that's why I'm here. Besides I'm surprised we've never met on the half pipe before, Tony, I'm pretty famous for my 1080 jacknife werewolf farmer backflip bagel grab.


Tony Hawk: I've never heard of that one.(Sensing Jake knows nothing about skateboarding, Tony proposes) Fine, just pull a rail slide on the half pipe and you're in.


(Jake looks surprised and dumfounded and takes a few seconds to reply)


Jake: Gee, Tony, I'd love to show you rail slide but there’s...uh...chewing gum on my wheel and my...transpins need their ball bearings...minimilized.


Tony Hawk: What are transpins? Dude, I hope you're not one of those guys who thinks he's a pro skater just because you play my video game.


Jake: Well Tony, you've stolen my moves and called them your own...how do you like that, cop!


Tony Hawk: Stolen your moves? Dude, I've never even met you. Name one move I've stolen from you.


Jake: Oh just a little thing I like to call the...900!


(Tony looks surprised at the sheer stupidity of Jake. He shakes his head and says)


Tony Hawk: Fine, just pull a 900 and you can be in the X Games.


Jake: Well how 'bout I do a 950 and you can keep the change!


Tony Hawk: Fine lets see it.


(Jake's eyes begin to nervously shift back and forth)Jake: Uh...look over there!


(Tony looks for a half second and Jake dashes back toward Xtreme's car. Tony sees Jake dropped his board, picks it up, and chucks it at Jake)


Tony Hawk: You forgot your board, poser!


(The board hits Jake squarely in the back of the head and knocks him on his face. Xtreme laughs and says)


Xtreme: Thanks, Tony. See, Jake, I told you this would be a waste of my time. 1080 jacknife werewolf farmer backflip bagel grab? Where did you think that one up?


Jake: I don't know, I panicked...I can't believe I called Tony Hawk a cop...


Xtreme: Come on, lets get out of here before you embarrass yourself anymore.


(Suddenly the belt on Jake's pants rips and his pants fall down around his ankles. All the skaters on the half pipe point and laugh)


Jake: Too late...


Xtreme: Just get in the car, Jake.


(Jake picks up his board and rushes to get into the car. Xtreme backs out of the spot and leaves the parking lot as the scene fades to black)

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