Tastykakes, terrorists, and Pokemon -- GWA Insurrection Role-play board

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Date Posted: 21:09:53 09/16/02 Mon
Author: Xtreme
Subject: Tastykakes, terrorists, and Pokemon

(The scene opens in the familiar living room of GWA superstar, Xtreme. Jake is sitting on the floor leaning against the couch and has chocolate smeared all over his mouth. Jake is sitting on the floor in the middle of a pile of empty Tastykake wrappers. For those of you who don�t know, Tastykakes are like Drake�s or Hostess foods except a thousand times better. Jake continues to eat a pack of chocolate cupcakes as Xtreme enters the apartment and walks into the living room)

Xtreme: Hey Jake, you know what Mitch just told me�.what the hell is this?!

(Xtreme stops dead in his tracks and motions to all the Tastykake wrappers on the floor and empty boxes sitting next to him)

Xtreme: Where did all these Tastykakes come from? How did you eat so many?? Are you high, Jake?!

Jake: What�

Xtreme: You�re high, aren�t you Jake! You�ve got the munchies!

Jake: No Xtreme�I�m just really hungry�so I uh�bought all these Tastykakes at the corner store�

Xtreme: Oh, ok then.

(Xtreme says nothing more about the piles of empty wrappers and walks over to his E-Z chair)

Xtreme: So anyway, Mitch just told me he was watching the news and saw something about a Tastykake truck being hijacked or something. Who would steal a Tastykake truck?

(Jake freezes and does not say anything except�)

Jake: Umm...I have to go�

(Jake gets up from the pile and runs to the door of the apartment. He nearly knocks over Ambre, who is entering the apartment at the exact same time. Jake doesn�t say hi but leaves the apartment and rushes down the stairs. Ambre gives him a strange look and walks into the living room and sees the mess for the first time too)

Ambre: What�s all this?

Xtreme: Jake�s mess.

Ambre: Speaking of Jake, where did he just run off to?

Xtreme: I have no idea. He�ll probably be back soon without having gotten into too much trouble.

Ambre: Probably�can I ask you a question, Xtreme?

Xtreme: Shoot.

(Ambre walks over to the couch and sits down)

Ambre: Do you ever train for matches?

Xtreme: Depends on what you call training.

Ambre: Going to the gym, lifting weights, running, ya know, stuff like that.

Xtreme: Usually I do that, but for Mysterio on I�m the Xtreme Workout plan.

Ambre: Which is?

Xtreme: Getting drunk and going to the batting cages until I get kicked out for causing a scene.

Ambre: I see�

Xtreme: Normally I do train, Ambre, but why waste my time doing that when the match itself will only be a waste of my time. This Mysterio guy doesn�t deserve to face me at all, let alone at my peak so why should I waste my valuable time training for this match when he doesn�t care about it at all. I�ve worked too hard and too long to let some punk like K. Mysterio get in my way. I�m destined for greatness in the GWA but I highly doubt K. Mysterio is destined for anything else but a kick to the curb. I�ve seen too many guys like him walk through the doors of the GWA and not do shit. They think they�re all high and mighty because they made it into the GWA but they forget one thing�making it to the GWA is not the end, it�s only the beginning. K. Mysterio thinks he�s so fucking great just because he�s in the GWA but he has no idea who wrong he is. Just because you make it into the GWA doesn�t mean shit, it�s what you do once you get here and so far K. Mysterio has done next to nothing. I, on the other hand, have proven myself time and time again that I am a competitor yet I still have to face nobodies like K. Mysterio. When I saw that my name was next to his on the card I thought, �This must be a mistake. Does Mr. Storm really want me to waste my time and his TV time by showing this loser what wrestling really means?� But I suppose he does so just because K. Mysterio is making me waste my time with him when I could be fighting real opponent, he is going to get an extra painful beat down. I should be wrestling people like Crisis and Skylar Thomas, not fucking K. Mysterio. I�ve pinned legends, I�ve pinned champions, but now I have to squander a TV appearance fighting this loser. I�m a former Colosseum champion and now I�m reduced to fighting a lower than dirt wrestler like K. Mysterio? What�s happening to me? Wait�I know what�s happening to me�this is all Lost World�s fault! Ever since he�s accused me of adultery, I�ve been getting the short end of the stick in the GWA! Do people actually believe his wild accusations and slanderous lies about me? I thought at first people were actually smarter than Lost to believe me but now I see that I gave the people of the GWA too much credit. It�s obvious they all take me for a lecherous wife stealer when the fact is that Lost is just delusional and I am a man of my word. If I say I didn�t do something the simple fact of the matter is that I didn�t do it! But now everyone believes Lost Worlds am I�m getting put in matches with friggin� K. Mysterio! I mean, what the hell is up with that! Ever since I lost my shot at the Legion titles with Assassin who now likes to be call Glenn, I�ve been on a downward slide! Nothing has gone right since then! I lose my Legion title shot, I lose a match to Nicholas Wolfwood, I lose to Lost Worlds and now this K. Mysterio thinks he has the slightest chance in hell of beating me?! Not bloody likely! I can only hope Mysterio tries to compete with me because if he didn�t, tearing him apart just wouldn�t be as satisfying. XTREME HAS SPOKEN.

(Just then a worried looking Jake comes running in the door and slams it behind him. He runs into the bathroom, past Xtreme and Ambre, without saying a word. Xtreme shrugs it off and doesn�t bother to ask and continues to watch Match Game �78 on Game Show Network. A few minutes later there is a knock at the door and Xtreme gets up to answer it. Much to his surprise, it is a police officer that has come a calling)

Xtreme: Oh�hello, officer�.I paid off that ticket, you know.

Cop: That�s not why I�m here, sir. A Tastykake truck was hijacked last night and it was spotted in this area.

Xtreme: Really�

Cop: We think it may have been the work of terrorists trying to deprive people of their Tastykakes. I know the boys down at the precinct are pretty upset but that isn�t the point right now, I would just like to ask you a few questions.

Xtreme: Sure, go ahead.

Cop: Have you seen anything suspicious in the last twenty four hours?

Xtreme: Um�no, not that I can recall�

Cop: Have you noticed any strange people around you area lately?

Xtreme: My area? No one comes close to my area.

Cop: I see�Well if you see anything call us and let us know.

Xtreme: Will do, officer�

(The cop begins to walk away and Xtreme closes the door behind him. The gears in Xtreme�s head start to move and he puts two and two together and finally makes four. He stomps to the bathroom and pounds on the door)

Xtreme: Jake! Get out here now!

Ambre: What�s going on?

Xtreme: Nothing much except Jake could be going to jail, that�s all�Jake I mean now!

(Jake opens the door and nonchalantly strolls out of the door and looks at Xtreme)

Jake: Who was at the door? Was it the girl scouts selling those cookies? If it was get me a box of thin mints and a box of�

(Xtreme cuts him off)

Xtreme: It wasn�t any damn girl scout, Jake, it was a cop! He questioned me about a Tastykake truck that got hijacked by some terrorists last night! You wouldn�t happen to know anything about it, would you?

Jake: Umm�no�

Xtreme: Ok Jake�you don�t know anything. Then where did you get all those Tastykake boxes then? You don�t have any money, Jake, you couldn�t have bought them!

Jake: I�uh�took your money! Yeah that�s it!

Xtreme: So you�re admitting that you stole my money. You sure you want to do that?

(Jake looks like he is about to panic and he blurts out)

Jake: Ok, Xtreme, ok! I give up just stop yelling at me! No one hijacked that truck, I found it and brought it back here!

(Xtreme looks like Sammy Sosa just nailed him in the beanbag with a bat)

Xtreme: Whoa, whoa, whoa�you found it�and brought�it back here? Am I hearing this correctly, Jake?

Jake: Sorta�

Xtreme: How do you just find a Tastykake truck filled with delicious Tastykakes and why in God�s name did you bring it here!?

Jake: Will you let me explain? I went out last night with Minion and I was really drunk and he dared me�no triple dog dared me to get into the truck and drive it around and since it was a triple dog dare I couldn�t not do it. Then I forget what happened next and when I woke up I was inside the truck in the parking garage surrounded by empty packages of Tastykakes.

Xtreme: Where did Minion go?

Jake: I don�t know, I forget.

Xtreme: But how do you just �find� a Tastykake truck, Jake?

Jake: It was in the parking lot of the Wawa down the street and the keys were in it so�

Xtreme: So you stole it when the guy was probably making a delivery. But the one thing I want to know is�why do they think it was terrorists?

Jake: I dunno�everything that goes wrong they will probably blame on terrorism.

Xtreme: So what are we going to do about the truck?

Jake: We could always take it back to the Tastykake factory and give it back.

Xtreme: Yeah and then you go to jail, Jake.

Jake: Oh yeah�so what are we going to do? We can�t just leave it in the garage.

Xtreme: I�m thinking, Jake�

(Xtreme begins to ponder and rubs his chin. Jake looks equally lost in thought, either that or he is staring off into space. Ambre probably feels it�s best to stay out of the situation and continues to watch TV. After a few minutes, Jake says)

Jake: I got it! Wait no�never mind, we�d never find enough monkeys�

(Xtreme gives Jake a strange look but Jake is back in his trance like state of thought. A few moments pass before Xtreme says)

Xtreme: I think I have an idea�you want to get back at the Pikachu Posse for all the stuff they�ve done to you, right?

Jake: Well yeah but what do they have to do with anything?

Xtreme: You�ll see, Jake. Just go to the park and tell them you want to challenge them to a Pokemon battle in the garage in fifteen minutes. They�ll get what�s coming to them�

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER

(The parking lot of Xtreme�s apartment building is virtually empty with the exception of a few cars and the large Tastykake truck which is taking up many parking spaces. Suddenly from the street entrance, in walks Morton and his two Pikachu goons with their cards in hand. They seem surprised to see a Tastykake truck sitting, and even more surprised that Jake and Xtreme are nowhere to be seen)

Morton: Hello?

(The boys walk farther into the garage when out of nowhere, three cop car come racing into the garage, sirens blaring. The cops jump out of their cars and draw their guns, aimed at the Pikachu Posse. The Pikachu Posse raises their hands high above their heads and drop their cards on the ground. From behind the truck jump Xtreme and Jake pointing at the Pikachu Posse and yelling)

Xtreme: That�s them! Those are the guys I saw this morning!

Jake: Yeah, they came back to get their truck those terrorists!

Morton: What�s going on!?

Cop: Keep your mouth shut, terrorist! We know you stole this truck and now you�re going to jail!

Morton: Stole what truck?! This truck?! I�m ten, I can�t drive!

Cop: That�s why you have these two helper terrorists with you, they pressed the pedals while you drover now get on the ground slowly!

Morton: I don�t know what you�s two guys did but I�ll get you�s for this! Especially you, Jake!

Jake: Did you hear that! The terrorist just threatened me!

Cop: Hurry up and get these two guys out of here before they do anything to hurt these fine upstanding citizens!

(The cops swarm the Pikachu Posse and drag them into the police cars. Xtreme and Jake stare in awe that their plan actually worked and they high five each other as soon as the last cop drives away. Ambre is waiting for them as they leave the garage)

Ambre: You know they�ll probably figure out that you two set up the Pikachu Posse. Sooner or later, at least.

Xtreme: Yeah I know, but it�ll buy us time to get Jake to Mexico!

Jake: What?!

(The three of them begin to laugh as the scene freezes and fades out to black. Just another day in the life of wrestler/superstar/role model, Xtreme)

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