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Date Posted: 16:14:08 08/09/02 Fri
Author: Xtreme
Subject: A night to remember...

(The scene opens in Xtreme's apartment the day after the whole Cuddles the spider incident with Mitch, the landlord. Jake is no where to be seen or heard right now, and one must wonder how he is coping with his nagging depression, especially now that he's had happiness for a few short moments only to have it torn away from him. Xtreme is sitting on his E-Z Chair watching a tape he made of Insurrection. He watches the part where OutLaw attacks him and we see that he is the one who attacked him at the PPV and stole his title belt. We listen to OutLaw's pea brained comments all over again until Xtreme fast forwards to his match with Michael Merlin. Xtreme watches with pleasure as every time Merlin tried to amount some sort of offense, Xtreme put a stop to it. He watches the part where squeaky clean "I'm a good guy who doesn't need to cheat", low blows Xtreme but fails to achieve victory. He watches as he hefts Merlin onto his shoulders and delivers a devastating Xtreme Assault then proceeds to get a clean 1-2-3 on his opponent, the "Pinfalled Wizard". He smirks to himself as his hand is raised in victory...just like he said would happen)


Xtreme: Well it seems Merlin really wasn't up to the challenge; it seems he really wasn't ready to be a GWA champion after all. This week he a shot at a Falconer #1 contendership, which I'm sure he is going to fail at...just he failed to achieve victory against me. I know he is going to whine and complain, saying he "wasn't prepared" something stupid like that. I bet he is going to try and place this on Chris Damm somehow, saying the...ahem..."welcoming" Damm gave him was the reason he was unable to beat me. Well, Merlin, it doesn't take a wizard to see that you don't talk shit about someone like Chris Damm without suffering some severe repercussions. But then again, we're talking about Michael Merlin, the man who claims himself "better than Jesus"; the man who promised he would defeat me and take my Colosseum Championship; the man who said all it would take to beat me was pinning my shoulders to the mat for three quick seconds. I told you it was going to take more than a backslide or a roll up to beat me, but nooo, Merlin didn't want to listen. I told him he was going to need more than high petty AW high flying maneuvers to pin me, but Merlin had to do it his way. Well it looks like Merlin's way...FAILED. But there is one thing that surprised me, Merlin...you actually cheated! I was shocked and appalled when I felt my family jewels crushed by your less than massive forearms; not just because you low blowed me but because just a few days prior, you were the one who was reprimanding me for cheating in my matches. I mean cheating, Merlin? Who do you think you are? ME?! True, I did say if the ref didn't see it, it never happened...but you said "Xtreme was robbing the fans when he cheated". You said "I don't have to cheat to win", Merlin. Well guess what...you can't even cheat right! You can't beat me fair and you can't beat me even when you cheat! Man, you are more pathetic than I could've imagined. You know what you are, Merlin? You're nothing more than a failure who will never amount to ANYTHING. Don't bother challenging me to a rematch, trying to save face and act tough because brother...you don't deserve one.


(Xtreme pauses and turns off the VCR. The he changes the channel to the Preview channel and lets it scroll as if he is looking for something, but finds nothing. He mutes the TV, then looks at the watch on his wrist, and looks up almost worried. The look fades quickly as he turns back to the camera)


Xtreme: But now stepping away from the past, I must look forward to the future... a future filled with the blood of my enemies and gold around my waist. But it seems at this time I must address two people who pose equal threats and annoyances to me and my championship. First off we have OutLaw, a full grown infant who has done nothing but whine, moan and complain about EVERYTHING possible. Next on my agenda is Skylar Thomas, a man I beat in the semi-finals of the Colosseum title tournament. Some people question how I beat him, but I still got my hand raised at the conclusion of the match so who cares what road I took to get there. Since both of these men are equal threats to me, deciding who to talk about first is difficult enough. Lets flip a coin to see who gets the first tongue lashing and who gets sloppy seconds.


(Xtreme pulls a quarter out of his pocket and holds it on top of his thumb, ready to flip it)


Xtreme: Heads OutLaw, tails Skylar Thomas.


(He flips the coin and watches it spin for a few seconds in the air until he snatches it with one hand and places it, still covered, on the back of his other hand. He waits a few moments to reveal the face of our first president, George Washington)


Xtreme: Heads it is and that means OutLaw will be the first to receive a gift basket of smack from Xtreme. I barely know this guy yet all I've ever seen him do is bitch about this and that. First he was crying about how he shouldn't have to fight for the Colosseum gold, then he was crying that he lost to me, then he was crying about how he was forced to, and I quote, "Put Xtreme over". No one "put Xtreme over", I put myself over...I AM over! People finally stood up and took notice to me, Mr. Storm's Chosen Champion, when I won my first GWA championship. I've been beating my opponents for a combined time of over a year now and it is about time the people said "Xtreme is for real, he isn't a joke like some of the other people in the GWA. He is here to stay", and for once, the people are right. But OutLaw, I'm afraid your time is up; you're time has passed. The people are sick of your less than competent wrestling skills and your constant whining and complaining. Quite frankly, I am sick of you're constant complaining and your lack of wrestling skill. You want to know why you didn't beat me at To The Max? It's not because you were told to put me over. It's not because you did the job...it's because I beat you! Accept it, OutLaw! You lost now pick up and move on! I'm sick of dealing with you and I don't feel like having to sit through your shit week after week. If you want me to kick your ass again, I will. I've done it once and I'll do it again. I thought all the times you insulted me and Mr. Storm before TTM was bad, I thought all the trash you talked about me after TTM was worse, but at Insurrection you crossed the line. You attacked me from behind with a bat and threw my Colosseum title in the trash. You not only disrespected me, but you disrespected the GWA. You disrespected the company that made you, OutLaw; that gave you the chance to compete in front of the world and this is how you repay us? You think I'm going to sit back and let you disrespect me like that? Well OutLaw, I may and I may not. You'll just have to be on your guard at Insurrection. I might sink down to you're level, or I might not. You've never been on good terms with Mr. Storm, and I'm sure he would look the other way if something were to happen to you. Do you think a lawsuit is going to stop Mr. Storm or make him reconsider his actions against you or the GWA? Hell no! He's done what he's done for a reason and while you may not understand why he's done the things he's done but you will someday. Mr. Storm has more money than God and is more than ready to counter any lawsuit or any team of lawyers you and your little Circle-Jerk buddies can throw at him. But OutLaw, this isn't about your worthless little lawsuit against Storm, this is about you obviously having some unfinished business with me. Why can't you accept the fact that I beat you and move on? Why can't you accept the fact that I am better than you? I've beaten you once, and I'll beat you again if I have to but for the love of god! Get over it! It's one loss, OutLaw and if continue on your current path there'll be many, MANY more for you.


(Xtreme gets up and walks into his kitchen. He opens his fridge to reveal rows upon rows of bottles and cans of beer. He picks up a Rolling Rock and hops up onto a counter to take a seat. He opens the bottle and takes a swig then starts to talk again)


Xtreme: But now more clear and present danger to me and my title, Skylar Thomas. I've beaten Skylar Thomas once, and a win is a win so don't question my methods. I'm sure Mr. Thomas will be eagerly awaiting a chance to get me in the ring, seeing as how he has the chance for revenge and a chance to win my Colosseum championship. But that is all he has...a chance. I know Mr. Thomas will be more willing to do bodily harm to me...more than he did at To The Max. Yes, he beat the shit out of me, but he did not kill me. I'm still standing here, am I not? I'm still going out there to the ring and defending my title, aren't I? You may have beaten me down at To The Max, but you did not pin my shoulders to the mat...I believe I was the one who did that to YOU. Do you remember, Skylar? Do you remember how I you were the one counting the lights on the ceiling, and not me as you claimed I would be doing. Do you remember the pull of the tights, and the extra pressure I put on you as you listened to the 1-2-3 ring in your head? I cheated, I admit it. I'm not trying to hide it, Thomas, so don't try and put me down for doing it. I got the win, didn't I? As I've told Merlin, if the ref didn't see it, it never happened. But that is the past, Thomas and I know you're eager to get a glimpse of the future. Does your future hold Colosseum gold, or does it hold yet another loss at the hands of Xtreme? Sure, you're a legend in the GWA. Sure, you've beaten and competed with the best but if you're so great...why am I the champion now and you haven't held a title in years? If you're so high and mighty, why does Xtreme hold the win over the "Assassin"? Thomas, I told you that you were too old to compete and I proved myself right at To The Max. I told you your career was fading and your loss to me should've told you something...it should've told you to get your ass out of the business and open up a roster spot for someone who is ready to make a name for themselves...not someone who is hanging on to their GWA fame by a thread. Yes, you can still kick ass like you used to, I can vouch for that myself. But you lack that certain something that makes a normal wrestler a gladiator. Over the years of facing less than stellar opponents, you've gone soft. You've lost your edge and while you can still give me a good fight, I will always be the one who comes out on top. I am coming into my own here in the GWA and I still have yet to reach my prime. Some people win titles then figure there’s nothing left to do and start to fade away...I have only begun here in the GWA. I have only begun with my Colosseum title, and I have only begun to beat people...people like you. You can destroy me, Thomas, you can bleed me dry like you tried to do at To The Max, but you won't pin me. You can cut my skin, you can bruise my body, but I will never stop until you lie on your back and are listening to the 1-2-3 ring in your ears like thousand angry bees. I am the Colosseum champion, Skylar, and you will understand why I am the champion at Insurrection. But at Insurrection, I will have to fight in two matches. I don't know why I have to fight in two matches, but I do. First I have to tag with the REAL Assassin against the Union and The Usual Suspects for a shot at the Legion titles. While having another belt around my waist would be nice, it is not my top priority. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to blow off the match but I have bigger problems than the Legion titles right now. Skylar, if I seem less than fresh in our match, you'll know why. I know you are going to try and use it to your advantage, but after our match I still put on the best performance of my life against OutLaw and Kira Benson. I'm used to having to fight twice in one night, so this upcoming Insurrection will be nothing new to me. I'm more than ready, willing and able to take on the Union, The Usual Suspects and you all in one night. It will be a welcome challenge for me to see if I truly am tough enough to run with the big boys in the GWA. If I am able to defeat two well known tag teams with a man I've never tagged with before, and then defeat a GWA legend, I think I will have MORE than proven myself as a dominant force in the GWA. I know myself and Assassin have had our problems in the past, but we are on the same team now and I know we will be able to achieve greatness if we try. I am a champion right now and Assassin is no stranger to gold either and I am sure we will be able to come out on top if we work together like a team should. Mr. Storm is counting on us to bring back the #1 Contendership for the Legion titles and then go on to take the Legion titles from the Violent Femmes who haven't had real challengers for their titles in far too long. I've got a lot on my plate right now in the GWA, but I am no stranger to uphill battles and no matter what may happen in the match, Xtreme always comes out on top. XTREME HAS SPOKEN.


(Xtreme takes another swig of his beer and looks at his watch again. He shakes his head slowly but just then, his front door opens. In walks a sullen Jake, with his head hanging and almost dragging his feet. He takes off his shoes next to the door as Xtreme speaks up to him)


Xtreme: How was your walk?


(Jake does not answer, but straightens his shoes on the floor and walks over to the couch and sits down. Xtreme walks into the living room and stops)


Xtreme: You want a beer?


(Jake shakes his head no and Xtreme goes over to the couch and sits down next to Jake. Jake's head is still hanging and Xtreme places his drink down on the end table closest to him)


Xtreme: Come on, Jake, snap out of this. Seeing you depressed like this is making me depressed too. What's the matter Jake? Are you still sad about Cuddles? We can go back to the store and try and sneak him in without Mitch knowing...


Jake: Xtreme, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up...really I do. I'm not still sad about Cuddles...I kinda knew it would happen. I don't know what's wrong....


Xtreme: Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?


Jake: I don't know Xtreme...it's just that...I'm lonely. A pet isn't going to help...I want a...a...


Xtreme: A what?


Jake: A...girlfriend, Xtreme. I want a girlfriend.


(Xtreme looks like he just took another shot to the nuts with a bat. He doesn't know what to say to Jake)


Xtreme: Well, Jake...I can't really help you with that. If you want a girlfriend that's something you have to do on your own.


Jake: I know but the thing is...I'm too down to talk to anyone but you, really. I don't know what I'm going to do...I'm going up to the roof to think for a while...


(With Jake depressed like he's been, Xtreme doesn't know if the roof is the best place for Jake to be alone right now)


Xtreme: The roof, Jake? Are you sure you don't want to just go out on to my porch?


Jake: Don't worry Xtreme...I won't do anything stupid. I promise.


(Jake gets up and walks out the door. Xtreme is left alone again, wondering what he can do to help out one of his best friends. He thinks for a while...rubbing his chin and pondering...then he jumps up off the couch, holding his index finger in the air)


Xtreme: I've got it!


(Xtreme goes over to the phone and dials 1-800-YOU-DATE. Apparently Xtreme is going to do anything to get Jake out of this depression, even calling one of those lame dating services. The phone rings a few times before a female voice answers and says)


Lady: Thank you for calling the Date Rater dating service. My name is Tammy, how can I help you?


Xtreme: Did you just say Date Raper? Why would you call your business that!?


Tammy: Date RATER sir. Can I help you today, sir?


Xtreme: Yes, actually you can. You see, I have this friend and he's been really down lately and I was thinking maybe I could set him up on a date with someone.


Tammy: Sure, sir...your friend.


Xtreme: I'm serious, it is for my friend.


Tammy: Ok, sir...can you tell me a few things your friend likes to do in his spare time?


Xtreme: Hmm...well let's see...he likes to drink...eat...watch TV...sit around...you know.


Tammy: Ok sir...what does he look for in a woman?


Xtreme: Well...I don't know...a lot of the same I suppose.


Tammy: Does he have any hobbies?


Xtreme: Well...he likes...Pokemon, I suppose...oh and drinking games.


Tammy: Pokemon and drinking games? How old is your friend sir?


Xtreme: He's...twenty five. Yeah that's right, he's twenty five.


Tammy: Twenty five...likes to drink, eat, watch TV, and play Pokemon...let me check our database.


(Tammy puts Xtreme on hold and some annoying muzak song starts. Xtreme listens to it for a few minutes and then starts to get impatient. Just as he was about to start wondering aloud what was taking so long, Tammy comes back on the line and the muzak stops)


Tammy: Sir are you still there?


Xtreme: Yes, I'm still here.


Tammy: Well sir, we've found a match. We've arranged a date for you and your friend with a miss T.T. Glu'tton at Bookbinders restaurant.


Xtreme: Glutton? Is that what you just said?


Tammy: It's pronounced glue-ton, sir.


Xtreme: Bookbinders? Isn't that place sort of expensive?


Tammy: Not terribly and it will make a good first impression for you...ahem...friend.


Xtreme: It is for my friend!


Tammy: May we have your friends name, please?


Xtreme: His name is Jake.


Tammy: Jake what, sir?


Xtreme: Jake...


(Just then a truck goes by Xtreme's apartment and blows it's horn so we cannot hear his last name)


Tammy: Ok sir, the date will be at seven thirty at Bookbinders. We hope your friend has a nice date. Thank you for choosing the Date Rater service.


Xtreme: No, thank you.


(Tammy hangs up the phone, followed by Xtreme hanging up the phone. Xtreme gets all excited now and heads out his door and to the roof to go tell Jake the good news. Xtreme races up the stairs to the roof and opens the door, but does not see Jake anywhere. He looks from side to side, but does not see him. Xtreme gets...no pun intended...extremely worried and goes over to the side of the roof and looks over the edge, but sees nothing out of the ordinary. He goes to the other side and sees nothing but still calls out his name)


Xtreme: JAKE! JAKE!!


(Just then, someone puts their hand on Xtreme's shoulder. Xtreme turns around to see a befuddled Jake, who is wondering why Xtreme is up there and calling his name over the side of the building)


Xtreme: Oh, Jake...I didn't see you up here...I thought you had...


Jake: No, Xtreme I wouldn't do that...I don't jump off of buildings...I'm not you.


Xtreme: That wasn't funny, Jake.


(Jake was poking fun at when Xtreme faked jumping off a GWA arena last year for those of you who don't know or don't remember)


Jake: I was standing over there, at the back of the building looking over the river. Why did you come up here?


Xtreme: I've got good news Jake...I got you a date tonight?


(Jake's eyes widen and he looks almost excited)


Jake: A date? With a girl??


Xtreme: Yes, Jake, with a girl. Tonight at seven thirty at Bookbinders.


Jake: Oh, Xtreme, you're my best friend! Thank you!


Xtreme: Hey it's no problem, buddy. It's getting late, shouldn't you go and get ready?


Jake: Yeah, you're right! I can't wear this! Thank you, Xtreme! Thank you!


(Xtreme smiles to see Jake happy again as he runs off down the stairs. Xtreme follows him down the stairs as the scene fades out to black)


LATER THAT NIGHT



(The scene opens in the Bookbinders restaurants. Xtreme is wearing a pair of denim pants and a shirt that says "I'm Cooler Than You" and Jake is wearing a tuxedo. They are waiting to talk to the host)


Xtreme: Why did you wear my tuxedo?


Jake: I want to make a good first impression.


Xtreme: Ok whatever. Well, I'm going to go, you two have fun.


Jake: No, Xtreme, please stay! Just go to the bar and make sure everything goes ok! Please!


Xtreme: Sure, Jake, whatever you say.


(Xtreme walks over to the bar and sits down. He orders a bottle of Rolling Rock and the bartender puts it down and untwists the cap. Xtreme grabs it and takes a sip. He surveys the people in the restaurant and then looks back over to Jake, who is being led to his table by the host. He tries to guess which table it will be, but is wrong each time until Jake is seated at a table with a rather large woman. Xtreme seems to recognize her and stares at her a second before it hits him like a ton of bricks. He spits out his beer in surprise and rushes over to the table where Jake is about to be sitting. He gets opposite the woman to make sure he is right about what he thinks)


Jake: Xtreme? What is it, I just sat down!


Xtreme: Jake...it's...it's...


(Xtreme points at the woman, who lifts her head and Jake suddenly realizes why Xtreme came running over. They both point and yell at the same time)


Xtreme and Jake: THUNDER THIGHS!


(The other people in the restaurant seem perturbed by the screaming, but Jake and Xtreme pay no mind. Thunder Thighs gets up out of her chair and yells)


Thunder Thighs: Rar! Xtreme and Jake...well you're not Lost Worlds but I'm sure you two will make a tasty dinner!


Xtreme: Damnit, Thunder Thighs! I should've know...T.T. Glutton! I'm not going to let you eat us!


Thunder Thighs: Grr...you think you think will stop me from eating you? I'm going to eat you and your little friend just like I ate that waiter who didn't bring me my bread sticks fast enough!


Host: So that's what happened to Jean-Luke!


Thunder Thighs: That's right, and I'll eat you too if you get in my way, short man! RAR!


(Thunder Thighs leaps at Xtreme and Jake who side step her and run as fast as they can toward the door. Thunder Thighs gives chase but is considerably slower. In their race to the door, Jake turns to Xtreme and says)


Jake: I'm sorry I got us into this, Xtreme! I promise I'll try and be happier from now on!


Xtreme: It's not your fault, Jake I should've known from the beginning! This depression stuff was starting to get me down too!


Jake: Well if we make it out of here in one piece, I'll be glad to be alive!


(Jake and Xtreme reach the door and head to their car, Thunder Thighs reaches the door and takes a few steps into the parking lot watching the two drive off. Two police officers jump on her to try and detain her, but she shrugs them off and bites one in the arm. She walks farther into the parking lot, raises her hands into the air and roars a loud, piercing roar. Xtreme looks into the rear view mirror and says)


Xtreme: It's kinda like...Jurassic Park...


(Xtreme continues to drive fast, until the roar of Thunder Thighs is no longer heard. We can only hope Jake snaps out of his depression after this terrifying encounter with Thunder Thighs, though any encounter with that man eater is enough to make a person love life more than anything)

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