Repost because I can't get my colors right -- GWA Insurrection Role-play board

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Date Posted: 14:00:11 08/02/02 Fri
Author: Xtreme
Subject: Repost because I can't get my colors right

(The scene opens in the familiar living room of Xtreme. It is dusk out and Xtreme is sitting in his E-Z chair wearing a shirt that says �I�m Cooler Than You�, watching Match Game on the Game Show network. Jake is nowhere to be seen or heard, but Xtreme seems confident that he is not getting into any trouble. Even with all the antics of the Match Game crew, Xtreme does not seem happy)

Xtreme: I�m watching Gene Rayburn and Charles Nelson Riley but�I�m not happy at all. I just won my first GWA championship and you�d think I�d be a little happy but I�m not. You know why I�m not happy? Because someone beat the shit out of me and stole my title! That�s why I�m not happy! I�ve been working my ass off in this company for over a year now, beating people, winning matches, and now as soon as I win my first title, someone steals it from me! I mean, who the fuck steals a title!? Come on, now! I got the shit beaten out of me by Skylar Thomas but I pulled off the win, then I destroy Kira Benson and the Outlaw at the same time, so needless to say I was out of it, and then someone smacks me upside the head with something and steals my fucking title! I mean, I came off a grueling match with Skylar Thomas, and then went through hell with Outlaw and Kira Benson only to get my title stolen! At first I thought�maybe it was Chris Damm? He was the first Colloseum champion, and he got stripped of it by Mr. Storm; so maybe he was angry and wanted it back? No, Damm is after bigger things now than my Colloseum title. Then I started thinking more clearly�who would want my title more than anyone else? Who is closer to getting my title than anyone? That person, my friends, is Michael Merlin, the self titled �Pinfall Wizard�. He has a shot at my Colloseum title at Insurrection, so maybe he just couldn�t wait to get his hands on my gold. I went through a considerable amount more than Merlin did at To The Max and he knew I would be wiped out, so he saw his chance to steal my Colloseum title. He saw his chance to make his little AW ass famous, so he stepped up the plate and did something he will regret. Now, I know I�m making wild accusations, based on nothing but my own misguided delusions, but wouldn�t it make perfect sense for this little AW nobody to steal my title to make a name for himself? He talks about how is this great wrestler that never cheats to win, never hurts anyone to get what he wants, never does anything wrong. Well I guess the GWA has a new golden boy, doesn�t it? What, Merlin, do you feel special now that you�ve preached to us all about how clean you are? Do you feel special? Do you want a cookie or something? You want to make fun of my name? Well there�s an original idea! Let�s see�this makes you the�eighty seventh person to do that! Wow, you are original, aren�t you? Well two can play at this game, Merlin. Merlin? So I guess this means you have magical powers, am I right? Magical powers? Who do you think you are, Harry Potter or something? But everyone knows Merlin just played second fiddle to King Arthur, just like the AW plays second fiddle to the GWA. You�ll never be as good as me, or anyone else in the GWA. How do I know this? Because you losers were stuck in the AW while I was performing for the GWA; in the big time!

(Xtreme pauses momentarily)

Xtreme: Now, not only are you jealous of my success for being able to get into the GWA, not only for being a champion in the GWA, but you are jealous of my winning methods, too. Why else would you put down the way I won? A win is a win in my book, no matter how I came by it. Did I disqualified? No, so it wasn�t cheating, Merlin. Haven�t you ever heard the phrase �If the ref didn�t see it, it never happened�? Well that holds true here, too. Besides, I don�t think of it as cheating, more like �Maximizing my winning opportunities�. Sure the ref saw my low blows to the Outlaw�s mean bean machine, but did he stop the match? No, so they must�ve been legal. I would�ve won the match one or another, even if I hadn�t low blowed him twice. Kira Benson was in la la land after the Xtreme Assault, plus Pussy Galore had some �issues� with her. Outlaw was so far gone it was only a matter of time before he got an Xtreme Assault of his own. Either way, I win the Colloseum championship and although I have nothing to show for it right now, I intend to have my title back the morning after Insurrection. Yes, Merlin, you are a quick one and I know you�ve figured I�m implying that I am going to beat you. I intend to conduct a thorough investigation on Wednesday to find out who stole my title and make sure they never screw with me again�but if I find that you are the culprit, Merlin, you�ve upgraded you�re ass whoopin� ticket to first class. You see, you may say that you don�t want to hurt me, you don�t want to destroy me, or kill me�well there�s the difference between you and me. I take great pride and joy in make my opponents suffer, and you will be the first of my examples as Colloseum champion. I revel in making my opponents wish they had never even heard the name of Xtreme. Did you see the beating I took from Thomas at To The Max? I admit it, I took one hell of a beating but I still came out on top. I love the thrill of a good, bloody, fight but I don�t think you will be able to give it to me. The more I hurt, the more I want to fight and make my opponents hurt. You, on the other hand, are a little girl and think that violence is not the answer. Well, Mr. Rodgers, you�re in the wrong damn business if you don�t like violence. So why don�t you go home and organize your sweater collection and just forget about my Colloseum championship. I won�t have to cheat to beat you, Merlin, I won�t need Mr. Storm�s help, just good old fashioned Philly street fighting. I haven�t needed Mr. Storm�s help so far, and I won�t need it to take down the �Pinfall Wizard� Mr. Rodgers either. XTREME HAS SPOKEN.

(Suddenly, Jake bursts through Xtreme�s front door and into his living room. Jake is panting and pointing out the door. He is speaking very fast and almost inaudibly, and Xtreme looks confused. Finally, Xtreme puts his hands up, motioning for Jake to slow down or preferably stop)

Xtreme: Whoa, whoa, whoa�what in the hell are you rambling about?

Jake: Turtles, Xtreme! Out there!

Xtreme: Turtles? What are you talking about?

Jake: I saw them! They�re real!

Xtreme: Wait a minute�no, Jake. No, no, no! You did not see them!

Jake: But I did, I swear!

(Xtreme turns to the camera)Xtreme: Let me explain this mess to you�a few days ago we rented the first two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle�s movies and Jake just got back from returning them. We only rented the first two because the third sucked�

Jake: Yeah, it did.

Xtreme: But now I�m guessing that Jake thinks he saw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles out on the street somewhere, am I right, Jake?

Jake: I swear, Xtreme! I saw them crawl into the sewer and everything!

Xtreme: Jake, are you really that stupid? I mean�it�s a movie! They aren�t real! I don�t know what you saw�hell, it was probably nothing!

Jake: I swear to you I saw something go into the sewer in the alley behind the apartment building. I know I did�they lifted up the manhole and crawled into the sewer, just like the Turtles!

Xtreme: No, Jake! I refuse to believe you.

Jake: Then I�ll prove to you something is there! Lets go!

Xtreme: Jake�it�s almost night time�I�m tired�I�m still pissed off that someone stole my Colloseum title right after I won it, and now you�re pulling this stupid crap? No, Jake! We are not going into the sewers and that�s final!

TEN MINUTES LATER

(Xtreme and Jake are in the alley behind Xtreme�s apartment; Jake has a flashlight)

Xtreme: What the hell Jake�

Jake: Look! The manhole cover is still open! They left it open after they went into their sewer home!

Xtreme: First off, the Turtles lived in New York, not Philadelphia. Why would they be here if I am even agreeing they are real!

Jake: They�re hiding out from the Foot and Shredder!

Xtreme: You can go into the sewer but I am not going�

FIVE MINUTES LATER

(Xtreme and Jake are wandering around in the sewers)

Xtreme: What did I do to deserve this�do you even know where you�re going?

Jake: Well no�but I�m sure we�ll find them soon.

Xtreme: Jake�do you know how many sewers there are in Philadelphia? We could get lost and be wandering forever!

Jake: If the Turtles came in here, then they�re hideout must be near here. Right?

Xtreme: That makes a little sense I suppose. Hold on�I just stepped on something�I think it was rat�

Jake: Eww�

Xtreme: Jake, if we don�t find anything soon, we are leaving and you are getting smacked upside the head for dragging me into the sewers.

(Just then, the two hear something that sounds like voices coming from a length of sewer to their right)

Jake: Did you hear that? It�s them!

Xtreme: It was nothing�probably just our echoes.

(Xtreme and Jake continue down the sewer until they see shadows on the wall of the sewer around a corner)

(Jake whispers) Jake: Look, it�s them!

(Jake runs off down the sewer. Xtreme tries to stop him, but does not so he chases after Jake. Jake rounds the corner but instead of seeing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles�he sees three hobos sitting on boxes, huddles around a small fire in a barrel. The hobos are just as surprised as Jake and Xtreme are)

Drunk hobo: Hey�who�re yous guys?

Smelly hobo: Yeah! Why are you down here!

(Jake stands frozen in fear so Xtreme steps forward)

Xtreme: Well you see, my dim witted friend here thought he saw Ninja Turtles down here and�

Ugly hobo: Hey these guys are gonna tell the sewer department we�re down here! I hate those guys!

Drunk hobo: Yeah�(hic) We can�t let yous two do that�

Xtreme: Come on now guys�we won�t tell anyone�we promise�

Smelly hobo: Get �em!

Xtreme and Jake: AAAAAHHHH!

(Xtreme turns and high tails it out of the sewer, and Jake follows close behind. The hobos, being homeless and malnutritioned can�t keep up but try their hardest�except the drunk hobo who is too drunk to stand up straight. Xtreme seems to remember the way out, and leads Jake back to the manhole. They finally see the open manhole and climb up the ladder as fast as their legs can carry them. They can hear the hobos behind them and once Jake is out, Xtreme drags the manhole back over the opening and stands on it. They can heart he hobos yelling from below, but after a minute or so, they stop and all is quiet. Xtreme and Jake, who are now quite foul smelling from their trip to the sewer, walk quickly back into Xtreme�s building. On the stairs Xtreme says)

Xtreme: Jake�that was by far the stupidest thing we�ve ever done.

Jake: Stupider than going into the lion�s den at the zoo?

Xtreme: Well, maybe not as stupid as that, but still this is right up there.

Jake: I�m glad we got out of there, hobos have diseases don�t they?

Xtreme: Yes, many, but be glad I don�t kick you out and YOU have to become a hobo after this.

Jake: I�m sorry Xtreme. I really am this time. Hey�match you for first shower.

(Xtreme and Jake stop and hold out their hands to play rock paper scissors. Xtreme throws paper and Jake throws scissors)

Jake: Paper? Haha! I get first shower!

(Jake races up the stairs to Xtreme�s apartment and leaves Xtreme on the stairs, stewing in his own filth and hangs his head over losing to Jake at RPS)

Xtreme: No respect, I get no respect around here�

(You said it, Rodney�I mean Xtreme. The scene fades out as Xtreme makes his way the stairs and to his apartment but in the background a song from the first Ninja Turtles movie starts to play)

T-U-R-T-L-E Power
T-U-R-T-L-E Power
T-U-R-T-L-E Power
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

On the half shell, they�re the heroes four
In this day and age who could ask for more?
The crime wave was high with muggings mysterious
All police and detectives are furious
�Cuz they can�t find the source, of this lethally evil force
This is serious to give me a quarter
I was a witness, get me a reporter
Get April O�Neill in on this case and you better hurry up there�s no time to waste
We need help like quick on the double
We need help like the Lone Ranger when Tanto came pronto, when there was danger
They didn�t say they�d be there in half an hour, cuz they displayed Turtle Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power
T-U-R-T-L-E Power
T-U-R-T-L-E Power
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

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