VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 16:11:20 08/03/02 Sat
Author: Xtreme
Subject: Xtreme Teen Hunger Force! Part 1 of 2

(The scene opens in Xtreme's living room where Xtreme is sitting on the couch watching TV, and Jake is someplace. He's probably out chasing a squirrel or something but all of a sudden Xtreme's TV starts to go all static-y and Xtreme scowls. He begins to get up to hit the TV to make it work, but from out of nowhere, a picture starts to come in but it is not what he was watching before. Instead, it is now two odd looking creatures standing at a barbeque, grilling two chickens, two t-bone steaks, and two halves of a watermelon. The watermelons seem to be on fire. They appear to be a spaceship, as there are buttons and the walls are all metal and shiny. One creature is tall and green, but has no arms or legs only spikes all over his body. The shorter creature next to him looks the same way except he is stouter and orange. The green creature has a sweatband above his eyes and the other has it around his neck. The orange one speaks, but speaks with a German accent)


German creature: Hey neighbor, vhat is up?


Xtreme: What are you guys?! Aliens? Oh god aliens! Are you a peaceful race?


Alien: Vell yes! Ve are barbequing are ve not?


(The green alien speaks with a man's voice even though it's name is apparently Emily)


Emily: How do you want your melon?


Alien: Emily, zi melons are on fire!


Emily: Well of course they're on fire; they're not made to be cooked.


Alien: Vhat do you know of fire; you prance around like you have laser eyes!


Xtreme: So you don't have laser eyes?


Alien: Hey...ve are barbequing here...vhy don't you come and join us?


Emily: Yeah and bring a cold six.


Xtreme: Ok...how do I do that? Do you have some sort of particle transmitter or something?


Alien: Particle trans...What do we look like a couple of nerds!


(Emily whispers)Emily: We totally have a particle transmitter...


Alien: Oh yes...one of zose...ve have zat.


(Xtreme disintegrates and the scene cuts to the inside of the alien spaceship, where the orange alien knocks over the barbeque and starts yelling)


Alien: Get zese raw shanks of flesh out of my dominion!


Emily: Oh that is great, why don't you just burn the whole ship down.


Alien: Shut up...I have an amazing plan to betray our new friend.


Emily: I thought the plan was to barbeque with him.


Alien: Plans are for fools! Vhen he gets here ve vill melt him...and laugh...on into zi night.


Emily: Why don't we just talk to him?


Alien: Vhy don't you shut up and let me do vhat I vant for a change?


(Just then Xtreme appears off to the left of the aliens, holding a six pack of Bud. The aliens are still bickering when he gets there, and don't appear to notice him)


Emily: We gotta do something about this fire.


Alien: Vell put it out!


(There is a sound of a fire extinguishing heard as the aliens walk over to Xtreme)


Alien: Who are you!


Xtreme: I'm Xtreme...we spoke earlier.


No!


Emily: Welcome to...uh...space.


Alien: Oh look over zere...zi room vhere ve melt people. You melt avay, ya?


(The scene quickly pans over to a small pod like room with flashing lights on it and then back to the three of them)


Xtreme: No I'd rather not...hey what is this thing around your neck? Some kind of galactic space collar?


Alien: Thish? Oh, thish is a sveat band.


Emily: Yeah it keeps the sweat out of our eyes.


Alien: Vell that’s vhat yours does, mine doesn't work then, it's broken.


Emily: Yeah because yours is more of a drool band.


Alien: Oh sank you, very good, Emily! Oh look over zere...oh it's Melt Disney Vorld!


(The scene quickly pans over to the melting room again and back to the three)


Xtreme: Yeah I've seen it, ok! Well what are these spikes all over you're body? Surely they have a purpose.


Alien: Zese? No, no, no...zese are not spikesh...zhey are pointy arms.


Emily: Yeah we squirt soap out of them and that's how we keep the ship so clean.


(Emily squirts a blue drop of something out of one of his "arms" and it falls to the floor)


Xtreme: That's soap? Because it kinda smells like waste.


Emily: Well one man's waste...is another man's soap. Am I right guys?


(The orange one now has a frisbee in one of his "arms")


Alien: Hey vhat is all zis interogation? Let's toss zi frisbee...over zere...vhere ve vill melt you into fluid!


(The orange one drops the frisbee to the ground and starts to stomp on it, trying to be menacing)


Xtreme: Is there maybe a higher brain form I can speak with?


Alien: Nien! Ve are on top secret mission of vorld domination.


Xtreme: World domination? You guys couldn't take over a damn bowl of jello!


Emily: Is that like...an important place or something?


Alien: Vhere is it?


Xtreme: I've had enough. Which of these buttons beams me outta here?


(Xtreme walks over to a control panel and starts to press buttons)


Alien: Zose buttons are red! You'll destroy us all!


(All of a sudden, happy music starts to play as balloons and confetti falls from the ceiling)


Emily: Alright, party time.


Alien: Who's berthday is it? Someone gets a spanking!


(Xtreme starts to presses buttons again and instead of starting the balloons over again, somehow has beamed Jake aboard the ship as well)


Jake: Hey hey, happy birthday! Who's the lucky boy?


Xtreme: Jake, how did you get in that beam?


Jake: Hey, that beam came from space. You don't own space so stop acting like you do.


Xtreme: That's it, I'm outta here.


(Xtreme presses another button and disintegrates out of the ship leaving Jake alone with the aliens, who seem very surprised by Jake appearing on the ship. Jake begins to walk slowly up to the aliens)


Jake: Hey how ya doing.


Emily: Oh fine...fine.


Jake: Boy I'll tell ya, I wish I was..ugh...that beam coming up like that? The speed? I want to adjust that because it really did something to back...and ya know I don't want to say whiplash because, thats a bit far but...you guys are insured right?


Alien: Oh vhat is zat over zere? Is zat...


(The scene quickly pans over to the melting room and then back to Jake and the aliens)


Jake: Maybe if I could ya know...lay down for a while my back my straighten out a bit...


(Jake lays down on the floor and closes his eyes)


Alien: Vell I just zought you might like to know, ve are about to destroy your planet!


Jake: That's ok...I'm not there right now...


Emily: You really think we need to blow up their planet?


Alien: Is zat vhat ve said, blow it up? Let's blow it up!


(The two aliens walk over to the control panel and now a view of the earth can be seen out of a window near the control panel. Emily presses a button and the same music and more balloons fall out of the ceiling as before)


Emily: Did it blow up, man?


Alien: You are toying vith me! Now drag zi slave into zi meltirium!(Motioning to Jake who is still on the floor)


(The scene then cuts back to Xtreme's apartment where Xtreme is sitting in his E-Z chair wearing a shirt that says "I'm Still Cooler Than You, Jackass", and Minion is in his apartment, sitting on the floor. Why is Minion there? Who knows, but he is there, sitting on the floor)


Xtreme: I don't know what's going on, just like I don't know what's going inside the head of my next opponent, Michael Merlin. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 a good movie? I don't know how much pure crack you'd need to enjoy that movie, but I'm sure it would be a lot. It doesn't have anything to do with the Ninja Turtles other than the fact that the Ninja Turtles are in it. But are you denying Vanilla Ice's coolness? How could a guy who beat up manikins with a baseball bat on MTV not be cool? But getting away from the Ninja Turtles...getting away from Vanilla Ice...back to the topic at hand. Michael Merlin...Merlin...Merlin; do you really think I give a shit about the real Merlin? Christ, was he even real? I don't know, and I don't care to know. I was trying to make a witty analogy, but apparently Mr. "I know everything and take everything as seriously as humanly possible" didn't find it funny. But have one to ask you, Mr. Serious, who doesn't like my off beat shenanigans...who doesn't like off beat shenanigans? Well I'm sorry if you think my promo's are too long, or that they make you sleep. I guess I'll just have to make my next promo's longer and longer just so I can make sure you're getting the maximum fun out of them that you can, and afterwards there'll be a survey to find out just what I can do make sure we can all have more fun. I'm sorry, my promo's can't be short, unimaginative, unfunny, and overall boring like yours are. I mean, do I really give a shit about you renting some guy a movie in Delaware? I mean...who gives a shit about Delaware anyway? I bet if you quizzed a hundred Americans, six might know that Delaware even existed. Delaware is the armpit of America, right up there with New Jersey; and trust me I've been to both states and they truly are, the armpits of America. Delaware is a small insignificant state that no one cares about...kind of like you, Merlin...a small time insignificant wrestler the fans and the front office could care less about. I've asked Mr. Stone myself about you and when I mentioned your name he said "Merlin...isn't that the wizard from that cartoon show about a football team who got sent back in time to create King Arthur's court and the quarterback was King Arthur?" and I told him yes it was. Don't know what show I'm talking about? It was shitty stupid show about a shitty stupid wizard that no one cares about, but trust me it existed and it couldn't have sucked more if it was a ten dollar whore from the "mean suburban streets" of Delaware. Am I done bashing Delaware yet? Oh no...not by a long shot. I was to a couple parties in Delaware before when I was a teenager but you know what, I was only drinking to try and forget I was in Delaware and only hoped that when I woke up I was in a better place...like a dumpster in Philly because that would've been nicer than being in Delaware. I think that's enough Delaware bashing for today...tomorrow is another day though but after our match, Merlin, you'll wish the days would end. Every morning when you wake up, you'll wish you stayed asleep. I bet you think I'm going to say because "you'll be in agonizing pain every day" like a clichéd loser would but no...I'm not going to say that. You'll wish you didn't wake up because you seem like such a proud wrestler, so proud that a loss to me would eat away at your brain...at the core of your very being until you could not take it anymore. You seem obsessed with the fact that you only need to put my back to the mat for three little seconds and you win, but do you think I'm going to lay down for you? Do you expect me to lay down at your feet? You seem to think all it takes is a pin...but how do you expect to be able to pin me if you don't want to fight me? You want me to make you hurt? Don't worry, I'll make you hurt...but fact that you would go insane suffering a loss at my hands is more satisfaction than any beat down in the ring. Don't worry, we'll have brutal match, just the way I want it, and just the way you want it too. I'll bleed you, I'll give you concussions...but not more than Troy Aikman...I'm from Philly, Merlin; I'll give you more concussions than Eric frickin' Lindros, bitch. So seem so content on stressing the fact that you are a "wrestler" in the ring and you don't want to "cheat the fans" of a wrestling match. I'm not one to brag about the past, but were you a state champion in WRESTLING when you were in high school? Have you been wrestling since you could walk? I'm a wrestler more than anything, Merlin, so don't think for a SECOND you could out wrestle me...because you never will. I prefer to hurt people in the ring...just like I preferred to hurt people on the mat. My coach always told me "Wrestling is not a nice sport...you do everything legal you can to win. Legal pain...legal pain. If you shoot a fireman’s carry, don't just hook the leg and take him over; give him a shot in the nuts to let him know you're there. Sink in the half (that’s a half nelson if you can't follow me) as deep as possible, crank his neck to make sure he can't bridge. That's what it's about, gentlemen, legal pain" and that's why I was the best heavyweight our school ever had. Yes, I was the heavyweight. I was only two hundred twenty pounds back then, but that was still heavyweight...a class that could go up to two hundred seventy five pounds and I was at a considerable weight disadvantage most of my career. But did it stop me? Hell no, I made sure that every person I wrestled never forgot our match; just like I want you to always remember our match, Merlin. Not remembering about how many cracks you made about my name, even though you use the same jokes over and over. Not remembering about how you whined and complained about me cheating every chance you got...but remember how even though you claimed to be my superior, I still got the W next to my name on the card. Even though you thought all your "knowledge of the ring" and knowledge about cheating couldn't save you from losing your one shot at greatness in the GWA. I'm done joking around, Merlin, and if you want a match you got it...you want a fight, you got it...you want a brawl...you got it. I am the Colloseum Champion...I'm always ready to smack around guys who are too big for their britches and you, Merlin, have out grown yours. XTREME HAS SPOKEN.


(Suddenly Minion speaks up and looks over at Xtreme)


Minion: Hey Xtreme, look at your carpet...it's on fire.


(Sure enough, a small fire is burning on Xtreme's carpet)


Xtreme: Fire is bad, Minion! You shouldn't play with it!


Minion: Oh I know...I use it in my work.


(The scene cuts to the parking lot of the apartment building where Mitch, the landlord, is looking at his car, which is on fire)


Mitch: What is this! Who did this!?


(He looks dumbfounded as the car bursts into more flames. The scene cuts back to Xtreme and Minion)


Xtreme: You can use matches to wash a car, Minion!


Minion: Look I know that. You gotta use matches or else how do you expect it to spread into the street?


(Suddenly Mitch pounds on the door and yells)


Mitch: Open dis damn door now!


(Suddenly the words TO BE CONTINUED appear on the screen in big red letters. Who knew that aliens are actually real and why does one of them speak with a German accent? What will happen to Jake? What will Mitch do when he gets his hands on Jake and Minion? Find out the answers to most of these questions next time, same bat time, same bat channel)

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.