VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 20:18:50 08/04/02 Sun
Author: Xtreme
Subject: Repost...I'll get these colors right someday...

(The scene opens in Xtreme's apartment where we left off yesterday. Minion and Xtreme are standing in front of the door, with Mitch pounding on the door from the outside. Minion is wearing a plain gray t-shirt and Xtreme is wearing a "I'm Still Cooler Than You, Jackass" t-shirt. Minion looks a little worried as Xtreme goes to open the door)

Minion: Ya see...don't open that...


Mitch: I heard dat! Now open dis door!


(Xtreme opens the door and Mitch walks in)


Minion: Hey Mitch...how's the car looking?


Mitch: Oh it's done...so is the paint on everyone else’s car in the lot. Where's Jake?


Xtreme: He's in space...with...aliens...


Mitch: Oh yeah sure...why would I ever question that? You know, I gave Jake twenty dollars to wash my car.


Minion: I don't know about him but look he gave me this chrome sled. Boy I sure hope it snows soon, don't you Mitch?


Mitch: Oh yeah I can't wait...a winter wonderland. Hey let me see that sled...it's my frickin' hubcap.


Minion: Well I don't know...I ain't never washed a car before.


Mitch: So where exactly in space...is he?


(The scene cuts back to the space ship where Jake is lying on his back inside of the melting room, and both aliens are standing outside the door looking into the room)


Emily: Why isn't he melting? The beams supposed to be on.


Alien: It'z not on...I'm looking right at it and it'z not on.


Emily: Maybe we need the remote...


Alien: Well maybe you shouldn't have run the melter through the VCR, shieskauff!


Emily: Well maybe it's because you said "I want all melting’s to be taped" even though you never watch 'em!


(Jake is now up and says)


Jake: Hey could you guys let me out now...I'm sorta hungry.


Alien: No don't come out yet, it'z too dangerous!(The alien shoves three magazines through a small slot into the melter) Look, make your man happy...eight vays to healthzy buns. Now vhere is zi damn remote!


(The view is now inside the melter room where Jake is standing, pushing some buttons on the wall but we can still hear the aliens fighting)


Emily: If I'd had it, he'd already be a puddle now...


Alien: Just find the VCR and...


Emily: It's in the escape pod, man...


(Suddenly a loud whoosh sound is heard)


Alien: Vhat in zi hell vas dat?


Emily: That was the...umm...escape pod.


Alien: Damnit! Quit pushing zi buttons in zere!


Jake: This whole ships a bunch of buttons, and I'm done with this Redbook, I was done with it the minute I saw it. And I'm hungry!


Alien: You vill eat vhat ve say!


Emily: You will eat when we say, that's right.


Jake: I am a guest...and you're not treating me like one!


Alien: Fine...lets see if you can eat...PIZZA!


Jake: Pizza? I'm ready! Bring it on!


(The walls all around Jake become fuzzy and then it becomes what looks like an aquarium with two slices of pizza being passed through it. Jake chases after the slices but soon realizes that they're not real and only images projected onto the wall behind him)


Jake: Are you kidding? I can't eat this!


(The scene then cuts back to outside the melter)


Emily: We could still melt him. I got this...really...bitching hair dryer...


Alien: Well if you think zhat vould vork break it out zen. Zat vould only take four zousand more tries!


Emily: Hey I'm just trying to help, man.


Alien: Vell I sink screwing everysing up is a funny vay of help...


(Suddenly a phone starts to ring)


Alien: Zi space phone is ringing...vhere is zi phone?


Emily: You had it last, man.


(The shot is now inside the melter with Jake, pizza still going behind him, and a phone ringing right next to him but we can hear the aliens outside)


Alien: No if I had it last it vould be put back in zi closet because I know how to put sings back!


(Jake looks at the phone for a second before picking it up)


Jake: Hello...


(Just then, the orange alien bursts in the room and grabs the phone from Jake)


Alien: You give zat phone directly to me! I found zi phone!


(On the phone is Xtreme, asking for Jake)


Alien: Uh, zi phone is for you...


Jake: Hello?


(Back down on earth, Xtreme and Mitch are standing by the TV the aliens talked to Xtreme on before. How did they contact Jake like that? Stop asking so many questions!)


Xtreme: Jake...


Jake: What do you want?


Xtreme: Mitch is here...


Jake: What!? How did you get this number, I'm not here!


Mitch: Oh you're not there, huh?


Jake: ....Hello, Mitch.


Mitch: Hey buddy...pizza land, huh; yeah that’s lots of fun. Hey I just wanted to let you know that...YOU BLEW MY FREAKIN' CAR UP!


Jake: But the dirt is gone correct? I told you there would be risks, Mitch. That’s part of doing business.


Mitch: Oh yeah, the dirt is gone...just like your face is gonna be gone when I shove it in a pastromi slicer.


Jake: Slice my face off? Ha! You're funny, Mitch, a real quick wit...look I'll be down there real soon and we'll iron all this out.


Mitch: Good, let me go get my iron...my tire iron.


(Jake looks scared and hangs up the phone. Mitch now storms out of Xtreme's apartment and down the stairs. Xtreme sits down on his couch and looks at the camera)


Xtreme: Man, I don't know what is going on anymore...sorta like how I don't know what's going on inside the head of Michael Merlin. This kid thinks he is going to pin me on Wednesday? This kid thinks he is going to take my Colosseum title? I just won this belt and I am not going to give it up without a fight. But there's the thing about Merlin...he doesn't seem to be interested in a fight...he just wants to pin me. So while he'll be going for backslides, roll ups, and school boys; I'll be taking his head off with lariats, compressing his vertebrae with DDTs and cracking ribs with stomach crushers. Merlin seems convinced that a backslide is going to be more than enough to put me away but as I said before, how does he expect to keep my shoulders on the mat for "three simple seconds" if he doesn't want to fight me; if he doesn't want to destroy me. What are you, some kind of pacifist or something? If Merlin doesn't want to beat me up, then why in gods name did he get into the wrestling business? That's what we do, Merlin, beat each other up for the enjoyment of the fans. You say I "rob the fans of a wrestling match" and I "waste their hard earned money"...where have you been, Merlin? These people don't want to go to wrestling events to see two men lie in different holds for hours upon hours; they want blood! They want carnage, they want violence! They're like piranha, once they get a taste of blood they want more and that's what I give me. I give them what they want...I give them what they pay to see. Are you trying to deny the fans what they want to see, since you're such a good guy and always does what the fans want? Are you trying to make choices for them? You have no idea what they want, and since boring wrestling holds is the only thing you know, you try and force it upon them. They don't want half nelsons and cradles; they want chairs and tables! Since the only thing you can give them is something they don't want, you badmouth me for giving the fans what they want. You're jealous, in a way, Merlin. Jealous that while the fans boo me, I give them what they paid to see and you can't stand it. It boggles your pea brained mind that they boo me yet I still give them what they came to see. You try and defend yourself by saying you're protecting them, but protecting them from what? I cheat because I can, Merlin, not because I need to. I could beat you eight ways from Sunday without cheating, but cheating is just too much fun not to. I find that a shot to the bean bag is a much more effective way to bring someone to the mat than any of your "conventional" and frankly boring methods. I think Outlaw with agree with me on that one...but Outlaw is behind me and I must face the future; I must face you, Merlin. My first challenge since winning the Colosseum title, will be hardly a challenge to say the least. Sure, you beat three of your AW "brothers" to get this shot but I went through half the goddamn GWA roster to become the Colosseum champion and I do not intend to let go of that title for a long time. I beat Sean Fury, Chris Carpenter, Skylar Thomas, Kira Benson, and OutLaw to become the GWA Colosseum champion, Merlin. Do you think you could do that? I beat all of them, so in a sense I am better than all of them. Do you think you are better than all of them? Hell no, you aren't! All you are is a little AW piece of crap, not fit to even lace my boots or anyone else in the GWA. But I don't expect you to be too intimidated to fight, much like Sean Fury was. I want you to show up to Insurrection and fight me...so I can make an example of you; an example to everyone who steps up to the plate to challenge me. Seeing as how I have to defend my championship status weekly, there are going to be many contenders but after the thrashing I deal to you, many people who thought they could take me down will suddenly think otherwise about challenging me for my Colosseum title.


(Xtreme pauses and runs his hand through his dark brown hair. He yawns and continues to talk)


Xtreme: But not only do I have to punish Michael Merlin, I also must punish Ghetto Blaster and Filipe "I Don't Deserve To Be In This Round" Barequeririo or whatever the hell his name is. For the life of me, I can't remember his name, but hey, can you blame me? This guy every time I watched one of his promo's last round put me half to sleep and now he thinks he is going to beat me and advance? This guy shouldn't have made it past Lost Worlds, much less be in this round. Neither him, nor Ghetto Blaster should even be allowed to be in the LMS. Why? Because they are boring, lazy, and not anywhere near as athletic as the GWA Colosseum Champion. That’s right boys, you're both going to be taking on a GWA champion. Does that scare you? Does that intimidate you? Well, I hope it doesn't, because if it did you both really don't deserve to be in this tournament after all. Just because I am a GWA champion doesn't mean you two should be scared of me...hell no. You two should be scared of because of what I did to become a GWA champion. I lied, cheated, beat down, and nearly killed to get this title. Hell, ask OutLaw how bad I wanted to become a champion. I don't think he can even have kids after what I did to him. Ask the "Assassin" Skylar Thomas how bad I wanted to become a champion. I am the future of the GWA and I am Mr. Storm's, that's Johnny Storm to you mental giants out there, Chosen Champion. But since neither of you respect me enough to show your face on TV and address me, I guess I'm just gonna have to smack some respect into you. I don't know how a guy named Ghetto Blaster made it is this far in the tournament, but he will not stop me from becoming the 2002 FWF Last Man Standing Champion. Filipe had to face my buddy Lost Worlds in the last round and somehow is still alive and has advanced to this round. Well don't worry, Filipe, I'll make sure you don't have to bother yourself with anymore rounds of the LMS because you're going to be going home licking your wounds after I'm done with you. Even if you and Ghetto Blaster try to work together to take me out, it still won't be enough. I am undefeated in the GWA and undefeated in the LMS so far and I intend to keep it that way in both. This year is my year to prove to everyone that Xtreme is the best damn thing since canned beer and I think I am succeeding in my task. I've destroyed my opponents thus far, and beating two at once will be no challenge at all; especially two the likes of Ghetto Blaster and Filipe Barriqueerio. In fact, it will be a welcome change of pace to these boring matches against nobodies who don't deserve to be here...now I get to wrestle two nobodies who don't deserve to be here. I hope I have made it abundantly clear to the both of you that I am not sweating our match in the least. Beating you two will be easy compared to what I had to go through to get my Colosseum title. In fact, I just won a triple threat match against OutLaw and Kira Benson so I am more than familiar with the setting of these matches. But always remember, as my shirt says "I'm Still Cooler Than You, Jackass". XTREME HAS SPOKEN.


(The scene now cuts back up in the melting room where Jake is standing with the pizza still behind him)


Jake: This pizza sea...does it do anything else?


Alien: Oh you vant me to speed it up for you?


(The slices are now going past faster and faster behind Jake)


Jake: Don't you have anything else like a mountain adventure or something?


Emily: We do have another one...some people like it.


Jake: Alright, boot it up.


(The scene behind Jake changes from the pizza sea to what looks like an open field that pans left until we see the backside of a horse and the female voice that goes with the scene says "Welcome, to this horses anus". Jake's jaw drops, dumbfounded. The scene then cuts to Minion and Mitch standing by the burning wreck of Mitch's car)


Minion: Hey Mitch, want me to shampoo your rug?


Mitch: What's the freaking point Minion?


Minion: So you can give me some money.


(Back on the ship, the aliens are standing far away from the melter room, talking in low voices)


Emily: Man, he's been in that horse anus room for a while.


Alien: Ya, he has been in zere.


Emily: I did it once, man...that was enough.


(Suddenly the door of the melter opens and out steps a surprised looking Jake. The aliens look dumbfounded, surprised, and a little grossed out by Jake all at the same time)


Jake: Whoo man was that exciting! You start off at this blade of grass then it's like a luge you go down the esophagus, stomach, large intestine, small intestine...small intestine favorite part. You know...I like hanging out with you guys...I mean the stuff you guys have is great but uh...


(The alien changing the subject)


Alien: Oh look at zat...one hundred dollars...on zi ving of zi ship.


(Jake rushes over and knocks the alien out of the way to see the money, which really isn't there)


Jake: Wait, that's mine I dropped it!


Alien: You see it...it'z zere.


Jake: This could be very dangerous...I'll go get it.


Alien: Oh vould you...please save us...from all of zi money?


(The next scene is Jake outside in a small pod type of thing with arms, apparently looking for the money)


Jake: Jake to ship...I'm still not seeing it.


Alien: Oh you can see it, vell let me turn on zi light for you.


(The ships thrusters fire up and the ships blasts away, leaving Jake in space)


Alien: Jackass!


(Jake begins to float down to earth, where Mitch is waiting outside the parking garage with a tire iron. We can see Mitch's car in the garage and Jake touches down and opens the hatch)


Jake: Ah...earth. I name thee earth. Hey Mitch...car looks great! Why's it all burnt like that?


Mitch: I don't know, I was hoping maybe we could have a little dialogue about that!


Jake: Hey, is that you're tire iron, Mitch?


Mitch: Yeah, why don't I get in there and show you finish on it...up close.


(Mitch steps into the pod and the hatch closes and the pod starts to shake as Mitch hit's Jake. Suddenly, light blasts over the screen and Xtreme wakes up in his E-Z chair. Jake is watching Cartoon Network and looks over at Xtreme)


Xtreme: Jake, I just had the weirdest dream. It was like that Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode except I was Frylock, you were Shake, Minion was Meatwad and Mitch was Carl.


Jake: Well that's what you get for falling asleep during Adult Swim.


(Yes indeed, kids, never fall asleep when watching TV; you never know what you could miss. In fact, stay up all night and watch TV! Never ever go to sleep, just watch TV! Woohoo!)

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.