VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3], 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 21:06:40 05/13/02 Mon
Author: DT
Subject: Untitled.

((( Sometimes I wonder just how good I am. Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am? Or maybe I'm not as good as I used to be. Maybe my talents have gotten dulled over time. I've thought about it a long time and I worry about it a lot. What if I'm pass my prime? What if I can no longer over come greater challenges? Or maybe this constant worrying makes me weaker. A clouded mind cannot enter the battle with the body. It must stay ccalm and indifferent. It cannot be angry or depressed or vexed in any way, but it is impossible for me to do anything about it. I can't just force myself to relax. And if I manage to get in what I think is a more stable state, I get tunnel vision and get bitch-slapped by someone like Jim Daher.


I need to find a balanced state of mind if I want to advance. My career is spinning out of control. I'll go on hiatus, then come back, then leave again, lose, then win. What the hell is going on? I became Gladiator Champion about a year ago, but now I'm losing to Jim Daher, a man that used to be at the bottom of my threat list. It's like a vicious cycle. If I win, I'm off-guard and I lose the next time.


So this victory over Deacon Riggs. Should it even matter? If I decimate someone, he wasn't even worth the fight to begin with. I don't know much about Deacon Riggs. I've never fought him and he stayed quiet before the match. This victory I attained two weeks didn't mean one damn thing. As soon as I won, people totally forgot about it, which means I'll have to captiolize with a bigger win. I'll need to prove that I'm still in this game. To prove that people like Odyssey, Crisis, have still got something to learn from the ones who were here first.


And I start this path by facing Jakob Grimes. This man I haven't watched closely. In fact, I very rarely pay any attention to to any of the wrestlers that grace the presence of the ring, but I've noticed this man has come in and out of the federation. I also watched him lose a bitter match to Joey Jackson. And this doesn't make him any less of a wrestler. I could never manage to beat any of the Jacksons. They succeeded in beating me the times I've fought them. But Jakob Grimes has lost. This means one thing...


One thing I forget often, over and over, is that I am an individual with unique thoughts and experiences, but at the same time I am still much like anyone in the world. I have a lot in common with these people in the ring that I fight. When I lose, my confidence drops a little no matter what. I know this Man Jakob Grims has an ego, just like I do. And when your ego is hurt, your mind cannot concentrate and your body cannot work, either.


I've found that there is no real secret to winning a fight, but to be better than the person you are fighting. You must train your body until it reacts without having to consult the mind for more than moving the limbs. This is because your mind is weak when it comes to this. If you try to apply your mind to a battle when you have already entered it, you will perish, most likely, unless the one you are fighting is less competent than you are, in which case you are lucky. But like Deacon Riggs, it was not something worth celebration over.


I do not know how Jakoib Grimes feels exactly about his loss, but I do know that he is not happy about it. I know that he is not feeling past okay, which is why I know I can accomplish much. But I cannot just attack his body. I am larger than he is, but that does not matter. It matters very little in a place like the GWA. In the GWA, the "giants" are the ones with skill, not size. And a body will heal. A body will learn. A body will become stronger. A body is under control of its mind when it comes to improving and actually succeeding in a goal.


The mind is merely a tool used to plan, but it is weak.


The heart is what I must strike. The heart is what must be injured. The heart is what must be crushed under one brutal series of attacks that never pause, even to see if the enemy raises his head.




I'll make Jakob Grimes fall into the same spiral I was in. I'll yank him down into a void of self-doubt. He's stumbled in that last match with Joey Jackson, so I'll finish his spirit in this match. I'll bring him down to a level I once was, but crush his heart before he can lift his head... just...


...like the mugger's head was crushed.




...I'm tired... I feel like...


...something must be crushed.





Tick.



"The ones that stand above the rest, the ones that everyone else raises onto their shoulders, the ones that seem like more than most... are not. In fact, they are often less. Not to say that any hero is not a hero, but to say that they are human. Or at least, imperfect for lack of better term for the unearthly things. A true hero is someone you will always respect, and admire, but not always look up to as a superior. If you looked up to the sensei of a karate class until your skill matched his, you have lost awe. And you have realized that your hero was either not as strong as you had imagined or just was not as unbeatable as you thought. Either way, he has become less "god-like" in your eyes.


"But to overcome obstacles, you must think of everyone as beatable. You must think of everyone as equal. If you were to look at someone as unreachable... untouchable... you will almost certainly not beat him. If you get this down, you will become nearly unbeatable yourself. Everyone is a stepping stone. Cave men had no one to learn from. No one to use as a stepping stone, so they had climb on whatever they could provide for themselves. Their tools were shooty, their drawings rivaled pre-schoolers', and they were not that big or strong or healthy either. But they were stepping stones. We stepped on their heads and rose and rose until we became what we are today.


"But when you are on top, when you have reached the ultimate goal, when you have reached the end of the line, you can only look down on what you have scaled. You can only watch as others rise and challenge your perch. And the scary thing about this is that cannot do much about it when they beat you. It is hard to treat them as a stepping stone after they take their spot, standing on top of you. I despise the thought of someone defeating me ultimately. I know how Frank Pheonix feels. It would be the ultimate shame. I think I would leave the world of the living unhappy if I were to know that I had been defeated for good. That is why Frank Pheonix is bound to the GWA. I feel sorry for him, because he'll work himself to nothing and not get anywhere. He will only get a lot of heart ache and lack of accomplishment.


"As I look down on all that I've scaled, I watch plenty of people succeed and fail. And many challenge me. I want to leave this roster. But I cannot leave this life. I cannot die. I cannot leave time, something which does not even exist. The only thing that exists is the world, a complicated swirl of unlimitedly complex scientific problems and matters. Whether it is filled with the things that have left their biological bodies and gone to a place that is not considered in the world of the 'living' or they still tread places like Earth, it's all that exists. But I do not rot. I do not die. And I think I am going insane. There is so much that has happened, so much that I have experienced, and no matter what I do, no matter where I go, it becomes so boring. It becomes the same thing. Life is dull for me. It has lost it's luster long ago. I do not even remember my first love. And I sometimes doubt I even knew such a thing... such a thing that I have loved... Have I ever even loved before? Or was I just fucking some austrolopithicine?...


"I used to be a human being. I used to be... someone like Frank Pheonix. Soemtimes I think I used to be him... and I wish I was him, sometimes. And I know how he feels. The way I have grown tired of life and the way it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth to have that word lash against my tounge... it makes Frank Pheonix sick to continue to fight... but Dark Tiger? He will not rest... until he has proven to himself... but he continues, also, to deny that he has to prove anything to himself, rather to everyone watching. I used to be like that, to. OR I might not have been... and that's scary. I might have just been close to someone who was like that. I might have just known someone like Frank Pheonix... like Dark Tiger... There has been such a long time since I was born and had a solid mind... and an actual beating, blood pumping heart... and when my body and soul were two seperate things... I do not know anyone any more. It is an existence equivalent to Hell.


"...this is how I know I was once human... and deep down, still am. Because humans will destroy themselves eventually... in body, mind, and spirit. Even though I have not truelly died, I have still been thrown into Hell... and Frank Pheonix is unable to quit his career. He is in torture. One part pulls him one way, while one another. The only thing I can do is hope and pray... but it hurts to pray, now. I think I used to pray..."

Tick.


((( Bach bows his head in the dark, tail twitching slowly, only by the very tip. This is a prison Bach has created out of pure time. Living so long has thrown a veil over his eyes -- almost like a film that has formed onto his eyes that darkens everything and lowers his expectation of life. The silence was so perfect, that Feles' voice could make human ears bleed. )))


Feles: "Bach, I'm surprised you have not destroyed yourself by now. Most of your kind do just that, you know."


((( Bach whips around, narrowing his eyes which begin to glow a bright red. )))


Bach: "What?"


((( It is more of a statement than a question... although back seems to treat it as an attack. A verbal spear in the form of, "what". His eyes begin turning yellowish-red as he squints them, sparks flying from them. The effect you would get if you pressed coals together as they burned. )))


Feles: "You still cannot hurt people with your words, Bach, but old habits do not die easily, do they? In your case... being so old... that one will probably never die."


((( Bach sits on his haunches. )))


Bach: "What do you mean, 'others'?"


((( Feles smiles in a dry sort of way. )))


Feles: "You mean, you have not thought of the possibility that there are others like you? That there are things that had no future like you until they stumbled upon something and become almost like gods? Bach... you have lived for long, yet you remain naive. I and the rest of the Consul imagined that you would have figured that out. I guess you really aren't such a genius, huh?"


((( Bach shakes his head slowly, his eyes, now bright flames giving off sparks of matter, which hit the ground and become black pebbles quickly. )))


Bach: "There weren't any others. I searched for ages... and I couldn't sense them. Everyone out there I could sense... but there weren't any like me... I felt so alone..."


((( The shadow that is Feles oozes forward a little. )))


Feles: "The reason you could not sense any of them was because by the time you were powerful enough to reach that far out into the universe we had already gathered them up and housed them."


((( Bach narrows his eyes. )))


Bach: "Housed them and started experimenting on them right? Figures... you guys have always been like that. Constantly poking at things until they fall apart. I'm sure you helped them go insane! Tell me, how many of them are left alive and how many more will die?"


((( The shadowy gas swells as it laughs. )))


Feles: "They're alive and well, Bach. Actually, we saved many of them... but some still went insane. Like you are, Bach. Your mind will peel away, soon."


((( Bach shrinks back. )))


Bach: "Yeah, sure, sure... I'm not like the rest of them. I'm not like any of you."


((( Feles' eyes widen. )))


Feles: "Oh? Well, a common symptom is taking the form of an animale more than your original form. How often do you walk on two feet, Bach? How often do you spend as a cat? I haven't seen you as a human since... I cannot even remember."


((( Bach narrows his eyes and the burning is reduced to grayish jagged rocks will fall to the ground. Diamonds in the rough. )))


Bach: "No..."


((( Feles shakes his head and sighs. )))


Feles: "I'm not here to fight with you Bach. All you want to do is fight. I am here to talk about something completely different. You are abusing your powers, Bach. This Second Mind thing you presented to the world long ago... it was never approved. No one thought it was safe, and it was not. And you actually have the nerve to try this on something as fragile as a human being? I am an officer, Bach. I will have to arrest you for this."


((( Bach begins to alter in form. )))


Bach: "How is it dangerous? You are all idiots. Frank Pheonix is fine. In fact, he broke his losing streak because of my Second Mind."


((( Feles begins to advance, slowly. )))


Feles: "He's being pulled apart, slowly, can't you see that? It pushes him too hard and Frank Pheonix cannot do anything to stop it. The Second Mind has no idea how far he can push Frank's body before it breaks. Frank is just a piece of meat to the Second Mind. Not only that, but he's quickly become distant from his family and f riends. He has hardly seen his wife since the Second Mind made him kill that mugger... You are a dangerous man, Bach."


((( Bach's teeth begin to lengthen as he shakes his head eratically. )))


Bach: "No! You idiots! Shit eating worms!"


((( Feles takes and step forward. )))


Feles: "It's not entirely your fault, Bach. You have not being feeling well... your mind has become bored with life and the information has piled too high. We can fix you, though. We can make it so this will never happen again... But you must be jailed for a while..."


((( Bach lurches. )))


Bach: "I refuse to be a... a... some sort of rat for your damn experiments. I experiment on you, not the other way around. If you even touch me, I swear I'll blow holes throug the universe that cannot be repaired. I will kill every Consul member, including you!! I swear..."


((( Feles is upon Bach, now. )))


Feles: "Come on, Bach! You are coming with me. You will be tried and if you are lucky you will spend only about seventy-five years in jail!"


((( Bach viciously bucks Feles off of him. )))


Bach: "Haha... no... sorry, man, can't let you do that."

Tick.


((( The field is filled with them. And they are all crawling on their little legs... their bodies showing only a little bit in the pool of moonlight that falls apon where Tiger lies, stuck to the earth, unable to move. Like tiny shadows, move swiftly across his body, grazing his skin with their creepy, tiny feet. He wants to move -- to shake these shadowy ants off him, but he is unable to move -- his body will not listen to him. Is he going insane? Has he fallen into another one of his super natural adventures?...


But now, he relaxes. It is only an effect of the Second Mind. His own brain does not shut down as fast as it used to. It is only an effect of trying to move your body when it has already turned off for the night. His body lies a useless tool as these phantoms of his own fatigue continue to parade over him.


He slowly begins to slip into sleep. Finally. But no, the phantasm hanging over him grabs him by his soul a throttles him. Tiger's body starts on its own record, but he can tell he is, even now, not in control of it. The shadow looks down at him -- it is him... but isn't. Its hollow eyes seem to pierce into his, mentally scorning him for his lathargic state.


"Get up."


Tiger sighs angrily, the pain in every muscle amplified at the thought of getting up and training some more.


"You gotta be kiddin' me."


The shadow tosses him to his feet off the bed with ease.
"I had an idea. No need to put on anything, just keep your boxers on. The cold will help you."


Tiger is dragged down into the basement by his shadowy puppeteer and opens the windows. Ice-cold, stinging rain comes pouring in, hitting Tiger's skin like small, frozen spears. Tiger slowly moves his hands through the air, doing open hand blocks as the Second Mind presses against them, giving resistence. Tiger's eyes begin to roll back into his head, but his body keeps going. He feels sick. He feels like he is going to die -- like he is being pulled apart, little by little.


"Frank?..."


Tiger's eyes are pleading.


"H-h-help me..."

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.