The dead live! -- GWA Insurrection Role-play board

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Date Posted: 18:40:42 06/04/02 Tue
Author: The REAL DEAL Xtreme
Subject: The dead live!

(The scene opens atop a familiar apartment complex in the city of Philadelphia. The camera view pans around the street below to see kids had opened up a fire hydrant and were playing in the water. Parents and older kids sat on their stoops, fanning themselves and trying to get out of the sweltering heat. The thermometer on the wall says its only 90 out, but the humidity is at 100 percent, making for an unpleasant day. As the camera pans back to the center of the roof, we see Xtreme and Jake sitting on lounge chairs, taking in some sun. Xtreme looks like he�s been keeping in shape during his�well�absence and Jake looks as flabby as ever. The heat doesn�t seem to be phase the two, probably because they have their SPF 30 out and welcome the heat after a long cold winter. Xtreme has on a pair of denim shorts and sandals and Jake has on a pair of khaki shorts and sunglasses. Jake appears to be asleep so Xtreme just lets him sit there. Xtreme sits up in his chair and begins to speak)

Xtreme: The dead speaks, huh�heh. You all thought I was dead, didn�t you? You all thought I �had enough� and �couldn�t take anymore�. I played you all for fools�each and every one of you. I needed some time off so I thought, what better way to leave, and make people think I truly was crazy? Fake my own death! Now I know you�re all asking�where�s the damn remote so I can turn this jackass off? Well, since you obviously can�t find it, I�ll enlighten you on how I did it. You see it�s quite technical and confusing�I rented a big mat that stunt people use and I jumped onto it. Is everyone still following me? Good. I never died�I was always still around. But one day I was looking over a GWA card and much to my dismay�some little shit has stolen my name! I mean�I may not be a legend in the GWA�not yet anyway�but still I mean I deserve more respect than having some little unknown shitless puke steal my name. I mean before I �died�, I think my record was somewhere around 10-1? If that�s not good enough to earn me a little respect, I don�t know what is. I deserve more respect than that and come Insurrection, this little name stealing son-of-a-bitch will find out why you don�t fuck with Xtreme or the Jackasses. Actually, I think he found out a Requiem why you don�t fuck with Xtreme or the Jackasses. Did you like that little surprise, Xtreme-Name-Stealer? I thought you would�ve liked it. The way I smashed your head into the concrete. The way me and Lost utterly destroyed both you and Goliath. I mean, I think it was a thing of pure beauty. Plus when The Circle came and finished you off I especially liked. Do you think I like having two bit pukes like you stealing my name? I�ve been in this business for too damn long and worked too damn hard to get where I am to let some newcomer like you steal my name. I�ve had people steal my name before�plenty of times. But as you can tell, I�ve always managed to make sure this name stays mine and mine alone, and I�m not gonna let this time be any different. In fact, I think I�ve had to defend the right to my name once before in the GWA as well�yes it�s all coming back to me now�who was that stole my name and paid dearly? Ah yes, it was Snoops and Assassin. These two little shits decided to steal my name for their tag team so I beat them down every chance I got and eventually they said �You can keep the name, we don�t want it anymore.� Instead of saying, �You thoroughly kicked our asses and we�re sorry for stealing your name.� You think I�m going to do any different to you, kid? Hells no! I�m gonna beat the tar out of you at Insurrection and if you�re smart, you�ll change your name. Kid, if you think I was tough on you at Requiem�you ain�t seen nothing yet. It seems like I�ve missed a lot since I�ve been gone. Many title changes, one of my oldest enemies is gone in Ashram Kenjin and my other archenemy Odyssey is two time Champion since I�ve been gone. Well it looks like I�ve got a lot of catching up to do and it all starts with you, Xtreme-1. It all starts at Insurrection. The Jackasses are aiming to take the GWA down to our level, and we�re going to start with you and Goliath. But this is just the beginning. Who knows what we might do next. Hell, I don�t even know what we�re doing next. But as for right now, I can tell you that making examples out of Xtreme-1 and Goliath are at the top of our To-Do list. And mark my words, Xtreme-1, I will make an example of you. You�re going to know just what it feels like to mess with a Jackass. Soon all of the GWA will know what it means to fuck with the Jackasses.

(Xtreme stops talking and glances over at Jake to see that he is still sleeping. Xtreme decides to leave Jake out in the sweltering heat and goes down the stairs to his floor. Xtreme heads to his apartment, goes inside, and sits down in his chair. Xtreme sits down in his favorite chair and turns on the TV. He turns on the VCR with his universal remote, presses play and a Xtreme-1 promo begins to play. The REAL Xtreme starts to watch a little of it and then starts to laugh)

Xtreme: Good Lord, fake Xtreme, is that the best you can do? I mean, seriously. I was cutting better promos back when I was still farting around in backwater feds that got played on public access. If you�re going to rip my name off, at least do it some friggin� justice. Now I�ve GOT to kick your ass for one, stealing my name, and two making me look bad. Since I am the original Xtreme and all, and I�m obviously not dead enough for you to take it, you can�t have it. The name is mine and I want it back. I don�t know why people steal my name so often�I guess it�s just because I�m such a popular guy�.wait�no its not. But people want my name for some reason, and I can�t just let them have it, just like I can�t let you have it. I�m gonna defend my name as long as you think it�s yours because that�s all it is, you thinking it�s yours. The name is my, biotch, and I�m not letting it go without a fight. I�ve had this name for too damn long to let it go now and I�ve gotten too much fame with it so you�ll just have to look for another, junior because this one is taken. I got this name from my father, he got it from his father and he traded a llama for it and that llama went on to take a bullet for President Jimmy Carter. So you see, I can�t just let you have it�now I�m gonna have to hurt you. Just like I destroyed you at Requiem. You see, Fake Xtreme, you can just give it up and admit you were wrong for taking it, but people always seem to make things harder on themselves and say they had it first, or they deserve it something, but it always all bullshit. People always seem to make it harder on me and on them by insisting that the name is theirs. I don�t know why they do it, because everyone who�s challenged me for the name has lost. This name is mine and mine alone. Sometimes a name is all a man has, so I want to make sure its mine forever. Do you really think you have what it takes to beat me for what I know is rightfully mine? I doubt it. You think you do, but you really have no idea what it takes to beat me. I�ve done things, fought in matches, and won matches you�d never even consider taking part in, but I bet you still think you can beat me. How do I know�I know. I know all about kids like you. Think they�re tough; think they got something to prove. Well you may have something to prove, but you�re not going to prove it against me, that�s for sure. I�ve got too much on the line this time to let some virtual unknown take me down. My return match, defense of my name�do I need anymore reasons to beat you down as bad as I can? Well, I don�t need many reasons to beat someone down anyway but that�s beside the point the point here is�

(All of a sudden a loud yell can be heard from somewhere above and the sounds of running down the stairs follows. Jake suddenly bursts through the door yelling all sorts of obscenities. Jake still has his sunglasses on and is beet red. Xtreme starts to laugh, but tries to hold back his laughter. Jake is obviously upset that Xtreme did not wake him when he left)

Jake: Damnit! You�re such a goddamned bastard! Why didn�t you wake me up! You know how easily I burn! Now look at me! I�m redder than a lobster! You treat me like the Punky Brewster of monkey spunky!

Xtreme(Still trying to hold back his laughter): What the hell did you just say? Dude, if you�re gonna act all pissy, at least try not to sound so stupid.

Jake: Shut up Xtreme! You�re the reason I�m like this so come on, we�ve gotta go to Rite Aid to get me some aloe.

Xtreme: Fine, just stop whining you big baby.

(Jake takes off his sunglasses and there�s an outline in the sunburn around where his sunglasses were. Xtreme is nearly bursting with laughter and says)

Xtreme: Dude�.heh, you should uh�keep the sunglasses on.

Jake: Why? Why should I?

Xtreme: They uh�make you look better. Now come on, let�s go.

(Xtreme puts on some shoes and a shirt and heads for the door. Jake very carefully puts on a shirt as well and follows Xtreme. They walk down to the ground floor of Xtreme�s apartment building and head out the front door. The two begin to walk down the street and after a block, come upon a Rite Aid pharmacy store. Jake and Xtreme walk inside and Jake immediately takes off to look for the Solarcane aloe stuff. Xtreme heads for the wall where there are a ton of magazines on sale. He searches around for the new GWA magazine and finds it. He picks it up and flips to the review of Requiem and smiles at all of the shots there is of his return and the brutal beating of Xtreme-1. There are couple of little said comments such as �How is Xtreme back?�, �Isn�t he dead�, �Get all these answers and more on GWA TV.� As he continues to look through the rest of the magazine, a female clerk comes up to him)

Clerk: Hey, aren�t you Xtreme? I thought you were dead??

Xtreme: Well, I�m obviously not.

Clerk: But I saw you jump off that building, you died! I know you did!

Xtreme: Why do you want me dead so badly?

(Just then Jake comes up Xtreme and the clerk and says)

Jake: Xtreme, come help me find the stuff. I can�t find it.

Xtreme: Fine Jake, lets go.

(As Xtreme finishes saying �let�s go�, he slaps Jake. On the back, not hard just to say, ya know, �let�s go�)

Jake: AAAAHHH! GODDAMNIT XTREME! THE FUCKING HURT! YOU FUCKIN� ASSHOLE! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!

(Jake continues to yell and tears his shirt off his back and runs to the freezer where the drinks and such are kept. He opens it up and leans back into, causing himself to fall a few of the racks to break and Pepsi�s and Mountain Dew�s go flying everywhere. Realizing what he has done, Jake gets up and makes a run for the door, as does Xtreme. The two continue to run until they are well away from the Rite Aid, where they both slow down and Jake punches Xtreme in the arm)

Jake: You ass! What�s your problem!

Xtreme: Sorry man, I forgot! What the hell is YOUR problem! Did you actually think the drink rack was going to hold your massive body up!

Jake: Hey! I�m not massive but�umm�not really. It was still pretty funny though.

Xtreme: Yeah it was. Put your shirt back on, we�ll go to the Eckerd down the street.

(Jake puts his shirt back on and they walk to the Eckerd that down the street the other way from Xtreme�s apartment. On the way there, they pass a few kids who walk past them, but then turn around yell out to Xtreme and Jake)

Kid #1: Xtreme is that you?

Xtreme: No, kid its not.

Kid #2: It is Xtreme! Hey you guys, it really is Xtreme!

Xtreme: Yes, you caught me. It really is Xtreme.

Kid #3: How come you came back?

Kid #1: Yeah, we liked you more when you were dead.

Xtreme: Thanks kid, that really means a lot to me.

Kid #2: Well, see you around Xtreme.

Xtreme: What do you mean see you around? Don�t you want a picture or an autograph or something?

Kid #1: Why would we want that?

Xtreme: Never mind, kid.

Jake: Were you really gonna give those kids an autograph?

Xtreme: No�but it�s the principle of the thing that they ask damnit.

(Xtreme and Jake continue to walk to the Eckerd Drug Store and when they get there, Xtreme goes with Jake this time to look for the Solarcane stuff)

Jake: So what�s this Xtreme-1 guy like, I don�t think I�ve seen him yet.

Xtreme: Well, from what I can gather so far, he�s like all the rest of these new guys now a days. Think they�re the best thing to come down the pike since canned beer, and the truth is that none of them ever are. They all talk big, but none of them can back it up. I�ve seen too many kids lately try and take on guys with three times the ability only to end up hurt and have their pride hurt as well. This Xtreme-1 character is no different. The only promo I�ve seen from him so far is him trying to make fun of Jonathan Lindsay by pretending to be him and have nightmares about Xtreme-1. Very original�wait�no it wasn�t. Then he goes on to say how he �brutally beat� some punk to death when he was a kid or some bullshit like that. Is that supposed to make him look tough, or scary? Is that supposed to make me nervous? Seriously, is that bullshit story the best he can come up with?

Jake: I wouldn�t be surprised if it was.

Xtreme: Well come Insurrection, he won�t be able to hide behind his �psychopathic murderer� story; he�ll have to show me what kind of a man he really is. He�ll have to show me if he deserves the name Xtreme or if he is just another poser. He�ll have to prove to me if he is good enough to fight me for the name of Xtreme. This name is all I have in the GWA right now and I�ll be damned if I�m going to just let you have it. I was making this name famous for a long time before you showed up and I�ll not gonna let you just show up and take it away from me. I was working my ass off in the GWA just trying to get noticed and when I need a little time off, I come back to find that someone has stolen my name! How would you feel if you had the name before me and I just show up with basically the same name? Pretty pissed, right? You damn right, you would. That�s just how I feel, pissed off and I want something back for all this mental anguish I�ve had to go through. Beating you down and getting the 1-2-3 over you will do quite nicely. Xtreme always delivers on his word, and at Insurrection, you�ll see why I am the one and only TRUE Xtreme. XTREME HAS SPOKEN.

(As the screen fades to black, Xtreme and Jake continue to look for some kind of an aloe that will make Jake stop whining like a little girl about his sunburn)

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