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Date Posted: 23:07:55 06/15/02 Sat
Author: Xtreme
Subject: The wackiness is just never-ending, isn't it?

(The scene opens outside of Xtreme’s apartment door. Yelling and screaming can be heard from inside his apartment and the cameraman is scared to enter or knock on the door. All of a sudden Jake rushes out of the apartment and runs into the cameraman, almost knocking him over. Jake says to the cameraman)


Jake: Oh it’s you. Don’t go in there….ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH IN THERE!


(Xtreme yells back out)


Xtreme: Fuck you, you ungrateful bastard!


(Jake, obviously upset, runs down the stairs sobbing like a little schoolgirl with a skinned knee. The cameraman enters Xtreme’s apartment, and he is sitting on his E-Z Chair sipping a beer. We can now see that it is dark outside, and Xtreme is watching Dave Letterman so it is obviously late)


Xtreme: I suppose you’re all wondering what that was about. Well I really have no idea. I asked him to get me another beer and he said no and then some stuff happened and he was all like “You don’t respect me” or something bullshit like that. I was like “Christ, Jake, what are you girl or something?” So he spazzed and that’s when you showed up. He’s full of shit but the funny and ironic thing is, that’s what my next opponent sounds like. I’ve tried to sit through a few of his promos but I fell asleep. Nothing but long, boring, drawn out babble from this Dryden guy. Jesus Christ, does he expect me to actually sit through one of those things? Damn, I can barely sit through a promo from Odyssey and now this guy comes along. Hell, if I was an insomniac, I wouldn’t need to take any drugs, I’d just watch Dryden’s promos. I’m so goddamned sick of seeing people try to make their promos like fucking Indy movies; all artsy and shit. If I wanted to watch a two gay cowboys eating pudding movie, I’d go to the Sundance film festival. But seriously, why the hell do I care if you miss your dead wife or whatever your last promo was about because I really have no idea what the hell it was about. Can I ask a question? Why is it that it seems to be the trend in the GWA for people to do promos that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR MATCH? Seriously! I’ve let this go for a while but fucking seriously! I waited through fifteen minutes…FIFTEEN DAMN MINUTES for Dryden to say something relevant to the GWA. Dryden, you’re like a politician….yak and yak on and on about bullshit, never really saying anything new or saying anything about anything. I’m looking to change all this shit in the GWA. I’m going bring entertainment back into this company. I’m going to do something that hasn’t been done in the GWA since Lost and I have been gone…actually entertain the fans. Without the fans, we don’t have anything yet it seems everyone is just thinking about themselves and making their own promos look as artsy as possible. I mean, come on now. I may not be as successful as some but at least I make my promos as entertaining as possible. These people all they think about is “How am I going to get an Oscar nomination for my promo?” Boring slobs like Dryden who don’t even have respect enough for their opponent to do promos about them. It’s people like Dryden who are making the promo segments on GWA TV harder and harder to get through. Dryden, I intend to shut you up for good for boring myself and all the GWA fans who feel the same way as I do. I mean, you put all that effort forth against Joey Jackson, yet so far I haven’t heard a damn word about me. I’m getting all nostalgic now because in my first stint in the GWA, I could’ve sworn I told people not to underestimate me or my abilities…but it seems history is doomed to repeat itself. Xtreme-1, Johnny Razor…and now you Dryden? The first two didn’t think I mattered enough to bother talking about and look what happened to them…I ran all over them. I’m sure you wouldn’t want a lowly mid-carder like me to do the same to big bad Dryden who has matches with people like Joey Jackson. You don’ have time to worry about me…so you just go have fun with your main eventer friends while you can because at Insurrection I’m going to brutally assault you just like I did those FOS punks. That’s exactly what I’m going to do, Dryden, I’m going to make you re-think ever not taking me seriously. Go ahead…see what I care right now if you think I’m not a threat to you. I’ll tear you limb from limb until you cry for your mommy. You say pain is your sanctuary? Well, at Insurrection you will be familiar with pain but it sure as hell won’t be your sanctuary. I can guarantee you that. Now where the hell is that no good Jake? I thought he’d have blown off some steam and been back by now but he hasn’t. Well he’ll probably come back sometime tonight.


(Xtreme gets up out of his chair and walks into the kitchen as the scene fades to black. The scene fades back in and now it is morning and we are still in Xtreme’s apartment. Xtreme is asleep on his couch and there a bunch of empty Rolling Rock bottles around him on the floor. He starts to stir, then he moans, and rolls off the couch onto the floor. The fall startles him and Xtreme jumps up. He is still wearing the same clothes as last night. He looks around confused and says)


Xtreme: This isn’t good…Jake didn’t come back last night. I wonder what kind of trouble that suburban kid has gotten himself into in the big city. Well, if he ain’t dead by now I better go find him and bring him back before he gets himself killed.


(Xtreme rushes into his room and changes clothes quickly. He comes out wearing a light gray t-shirt and dark blue denim jeans. He walks down the stairs to his apartment building and stands on the stoop for a minute to think)


Xtreme: Now if I was Jake and I didn’t know where to go or what to do…what would I do….eat! To Tony Luke’s!


(Xtreme quickly walks off his stoop and down the street. The scene cuts to Xtreme walking into Tony Luke’s cheese steak place. It’s early in the morning…well early in the morning for Xtreme is about 12 so there aren’t that many people in Tony Luke’s. Luckily no one is at the counter so Xtreme walks up to it and talks to Tony Luke.)


Tony Luke(In his thick Italian accent): ‘Ey, Xtreme! How you doin’? You doin’ good? Can I get you sumthin’ to eat?


Xtreme: I’m doing good, Tony. I’m not hungry right now, but have you seen Jake lately? You know that little guy I hang out with?


Tony Luke: Yeah, I know ‘im…Jake….Jake….I think he was here last night. He was wit’ dis group of guys.


Xtreme: What guys? Do you know them?


Tony Luke: No, sorry Xtreme, I don’t know who those guys were.


(All of a sudden the lady that hands out the orders next to Tony Luke said)


Lady: I don’t know they were either, Xtreme but they said they were going to the Cheerleader club up the street.


Xtreme: The Cheerleader club? Well, thanks a lot. I’ll be seeing you guys around.


Tony Luke: No problem, Xtreme. You come back later, get you something to eat?


Xtreme: Probably, Tony. I’ll see you guys later.


(Xtreme walks out of the door and begins to head up the street to the Cheerleader club. He starts to think out loud to himself)


Xtreme: The Cheerleader club? Why would Jake go there? He wouldn’t fit in at a place like that…especially without me. But more importantly…why am I talking to myself out loud? People are starting to stare at me. I better stop.


(Xtreme stops talking to himself but the people around him continue to stare at him oddly. He starts to walk faster until he comes to the outside of the club and he stands there for a few seconds looking at the sign out front, and then he goes in. There are girls dancing but it is blurred out. The music is almost as bad as the music that was in Showgirls when that girl from Saved By The Bell was dancing in the strip clubs…but ANYWAY, Xtreme takes a seat at the bar and the female bartender comes up to him and says)


Bartender: Hello, Mr. Xtreme. How are you doing today?


Xtreme: I’m doing good, how are you, Faith?


Faith: I’m doing great. Can I get you something to drink?


Xtreme: Just a Rolling Rock.


(She hands him his drink)Faith: You know your buddy Jake was in here last night.


Xtreme: Was he? What time?


Faith: He was in around 2, I think. He was causing quite the scene. Nearly got kicked out.


Xtreme: Jake did?


Faith: Yup, Jake. He kept dancing with the dancers on the stage, getting up on tables and trying to dance. He even tried to start a fight with Bruce the bouncer who is at the dressing room door. The only reason Bruce didn’t deck him was because he thought Jake was just messing around. Jake left on his own at about 3 without the group he came in with.


Xtreme: Do you have any idea where he went?


Faith: No sorry, I don’t. Why, is something wrong?


Xtreme: Well me and Jake argued last night and he left and I know he hasn’t ever been out on his own before so I wanted to find him before he got into serious trouble.


Faith: Aw, isn’t that sweet. Well I hope you find him before he gets into too much trouble. You’re a good friend, Xtreme.


(Smiling)Xtreme: Yeah, yeah…


(Xtreme finishes his beer and finishes watching the dance going on and leaves. He starts walking aimlessly until he comes to a children’s park that has a few old playground equipment pieces, a few benches, and a lot of open space. Xtreme starts to wander through the park)


Xtreme: I hope Jake is ok. I know I always treated him like shit but still…he was a good friend. As much as I hope Jake is ok, there’s one thing that I cannot get off my mind and that is you, Dryden. I bet you think that everything is under control. A guy like me could never be too much for someone like you to handle, right? I’m not shit to a guy like you, right? Wrong, Dryden….all wrong. You see, all too often people underestimate me. They think that I can’t hold my own in the GWA. They think that I’m just along for the ride with Lost. Well that’s all bullshit because already I’ve proved that I can hold my own. Back before I took my leave of absence I was feuding with some of the top people in the company. People like Odyssey and Ashram Kenjin were just a few of the people I had problems with on a weekly basis. Now if I can hang with people like that, especially our current Gladiator Champion, then why would I not be able to hang with you? Because you’re English, Dryden? Is it because you’re English that you’re so pissed off at the world that’s given you so much? Well…if I was English I’d be pissed off too but that’s beside the point. Maybe that’s the reason you’re such a smug, pompous asshole to think that you’re better than I am. I’ve been utterly destroying my opponents as of late, Dryden, do you think I’m going to make an exception for you? Hell no! I’m going make a bigger example out of you than anyone I’ve faced thus far in the GWA. I want to show everyone that I am for real and not just as a joke or for comic relief with Lost Worlds. I’m here to make a name for myself, and that name gets start made when you go down in defeat at my hands. You’re a big enough star that when I annihilate you at Insurrection, people will have to stand up and take notice to me. I’m climbing the ladder here in the GWA all over and I’m not gonna let you stop me on my way to the top of that ladder. I will not allow you to stop me, nor will I let anyone stop me. I’ve worked too hard and come too far to fail now. The GWA could be the final resting place of my career…not anytime soon of course but you know what I mean…and I’m going to make every match I have count. Even my matches against people like Xtreme-1 and Johnny Razor I put forth my best effort and our match will be no different. So Mr. Darco, I pose you this question, are you going to respect me enough to recognize my threat to your very existence or will you fall victim to the Xtreme Assault like so many before you? The ball is in your court now…don’t drop it.


(Xtreme stops walking and stand in front of a bench that someone is lying on with their back to the camera. Xtreme does not pay attention to them but looks out into the city and wonders aloud)


Xtreme: Where are you, Jake?


(Just then the person behind on the bench rustles and falls off the bench. We can now see the former derelict figure is Jake!)


Xtreme: Jake! Is that you?


Jake: Xtreme…how did you find me? I thought I would’ve been lost forever!


Xtreme: I tracked you down…but you wouldn’t have been lost forever.


Jake: You think I could’ve survived on my own?


Xtreme: No…my apartment is right over there.


(Xtreme points off in the distance and sure enough it is Xtreme’s apartment building)


Jake: Oh….I guess you’re mad at me, huh.


Xtreme: Yes, but right now lets just go back to my apartment and watch some TV.


Jake: Sounds good to me. I think I learned a valuable lesson today.


Xtreme: Oh yeah, what’s that?


Jake: Never poke a hungry raccoon with a stick…they only get angry.


(Xtreme just shoots Jake a strange look but Jake smiles and the two walk off into the distance towards Xtreme’s apartment. Well, wasn’t that just a swell ending? Golly gee it sure was swell…and by that I mean what kind of zany adventures will our two anti-heroes get into next week? Only one way to find out and that’s to tune in next time, same Jackass time, same Jackass channel.)

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