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Date Posted: 18:58:56 07/14/02 Sun
Author: Xtreme
Subject: The internet, the landlord, and the old lady...more random-ness abound

(The scene opens in Xtreme's Philadelphia apartment. Xtreme is in his kitchen talking on the phone, and Jake is sitting on the couch watching TV. Xtreme isn't yelling, so it couldn't be anything too bad. Jake motions the cameraman over to the couch and the cameraman sits down. Jake enlightens us as to what is going on)


Jake: I bet you're wondering who Xtreme is on the phone with right now? Yeah, you're not that interested but I'm going to tell you anyway. Xtreme is on the phone with the guy who is designing Xtreme's website. He's been working on it for quite some time and Xtreme is asking him when it's going to be done.


(All of a sudden we hear)


Xtreme: Well it better be done!


(Xtreme hangs up the phone and walks into the living and drops down into his E-Z chair and leans back. Jake looks over to him and says)


Jake: What was that about?


Xtreme: That ass who was making my website said that he's going to need more money since it took him so long to do the website. So I have to pay him more since he's a lazy bum.


Jake: Is it up yet?


Xtreme: He said it would be up tomorrow.


Jake: Does your computer even work anymore? Weren't you having trouble with it before?


Xtreme: Yeah I was having trouble with it, but I straightened that piece of junk out.


(Jake looks him strangely then goes over and tries to turn on the computer, which is on a desk right next to the TV. Jake presses the power button and some sparks fly out of the back of the machine. Then smoke starts to come out of the exhaust fan. Jake immediately presses the power button again to shut it off and Xtreme just looks at the computer, not surprised that any of that stuff happened. Jake turns around in the computer chair and asks)


Jake: What in the hell did you do to this thing anyway?


Xtreme: Well it started back talking me one day so I smacked it around a little.


Jake: Back talking you how? The computer only does what you tell it to do.


Xtreme: Well I wanted to use that program you got for my computer to teach me how to use it. Well I wanted to use it so I clicked on the little picture dealy and it said I had to insert a disc. I don't know where the damn disc is and it kept dinging and asking me to insert it and so I started hitting the big white thing there with that mouse over there.


(Jake looks around and sees the computer disc sitting right next to the keyboard)


Jake: Is this the disc you were looking for?


Xtreme: Oh...there it is.(Xtreme says nonchalantly)


Jake: So you ruined a eleven hundred dollar piece of equipment because it was "back talking" you? What the hell, Xtreme.


Xtreme: So I'll just go buy another with all the money I'm making in the GWA.


Jake: You aren't making any money right now. You haven't wrestled in two weeks.


Xtreme: I'm not making any money! Damnit! Well at least I've got that match against Sean Fury next week. That'll be some easy money.


Jake: Sean Fury will be easy money? Steven Fury's cousin? The cousin of the man who ran GWA for a long time? The man who gave you a JOB?


Xtreme: What part of "easy money" didn't you understand?


Jake: You better take this guy seriously, Xtreme. Sean Fury could be a real challenge to you.


Xtreme: Look, Jake, I’ve dominated all of my opponents since I’ve comeback. Dryden, Xtreme-1, Johnny Razor, Porcia Raventhorne; they all went down at my hand.


Jake: Actually, Porcia was nearly dead. You just pinned her.


Xtreme: Shut up. I still pinned her didn’t I? Everyone that I have faced so far has been less than a challenge for me and I don’t see why this match will be any different. Just like before, no one respects me in the GWA, so no one gives a shit about me. Well, I’m just gonna keep destroying everyone I face until I get the respect that I deserve; and do you know when that’s going to happen?


Jake: When?


Xtreme: When I tear through the competition and become the next GWA Coliseum Champion. It’s about time I get my hands on some GWA gold and once I get that championship, people will have to stand up and take notice to me. I mean, you can’t ignore a champion, can you? No, you can’t. It has been far too long since I’ve held gold of any kind and now I’m going to get my hands on some real GWA gold. I know I’ve got a long way to go before I get my shot at the belt but I’m confident that if the rest of the tournament is as easy the rest of my matches have been in the GWA, getting that belt will be no trouble whatsoever. Sean Fury? Just because you’re related to the former boss doesn’t mean crap to me, pal. I’ve seen better wrestlers on local cable access than I have in the GWA recently, so this guy will be a pushover. No one in the GWA has yet to give me a real challenge of any kind. All I want is a good fight but so far, I’ve yet to find one. I want a fight that will make me feel alive again because quite frankly, I’m bored. I’m bored with fighting these losers who don’t deserve to be here. I’m bored of fighting nobodies who are going nowhere. I’m bored of it all. But you know what the sad thing is? I don’t think Sean Fury can give me the fight I want, no…need. I’m tired of beating opponents without breaking a sweat. I’m tired of all of it. I want a real fight. A real match that will make me actually have to work. So far, I haven’t even gotten a workout from any of my matches. I don’t know what the hell is up with these people lately but none of them have been able to beat me. Is it because I’m just that damn good? No…it can’t be that. No one is trying anymore and it’s pissing me off. I came to the GWA about a year ago looking for competition and I still haven’t found any. My record before I took my leave was about 11-1 I think? Now I’m up to 4-0 and I still haven’t found anyone worthy…


(Just then there is a loud knock on the door. Xtreme gets up and goes to the door. He looks through the little eyehole and sees it is his landlord, Mitch. Xtreme realizes he hasn’t paid his rent yet, and that is why Mitch is gracing him with a visit. Xtreme opens the door and Mitch walks in. Mitch is wearing a white beater, sweat pants and sandals. Mitch does not look too happy)


Xtreme: Mitch; it is truly delightful to see you.


Mitch: Hey der mister fancy pants wrestler man. Seeing as how rent day was 5 days ago, and I haven’t seen a check wit your name on it in my office, I put two and two together and decided that you’re pissing me off.


Xtreme: Mitch…I was just about to go downstairs and put the check in you’re office but I…


Mitch: Oh really…so where’s dis check at? I don’t see no freakin’ check heres.


Xtreme: Well ya see…I actually haven’t wrestled in a few weeks so I don’t really have the money to pay you right now…


Mitch: Oh I see…you lie to me and now you say you got no money…That check better in my office tomorrow mornin’ or else you and your little buddy der ain’t gonna be having no more of dem little drinkin’ parties keepin’ me up half the night.


Xtreme: That would truly be a shame, Mitch.


Mitch: Yeah it would be…wait…no it wouldn’t!


Xtreme: Can I ask just how much my rent is this time?


Mitch: Well because of it’s extreme lateness…let’s say eight hundred bucks.


Xtreme: Eight hundred? Thank you for that news Mitch. It has truly been a pleasure.


Mitch: Yeah I bet it has…you better get me dat money by tomorrow.


(Mitch walks out the door and Xtreme shuts it behind him. Xtreme walks back into the living room and sits down in his E-Z chair. Jake looks over at him)


Jake: How are you going to get eight hundred dollars by tomorrow morning?


Xtreme: You mean how are WE going to get eight hundred dollars by tomorrow.


Jake: This isn’t a we thing, Xtreme. It’s your apartment.


Xtreme: But Mitch mentioned you so you’re in this too.


Jake: Damn you, Mitch…my archnemesis!


Xtreme: No he’s not…he’s just my landlord.


Jake: Oh yeah…so how are we going to get the money?


Xtreme: Hold on, I’m thinking….I got it!


Jake: I had an idea but tell me yours first.


Xtreme: I used to do this back in high school. Whenever one of my friends got into trouble and got a Saturday detention, me and a couple other guys would go around the neighborhood and act like a charity calling us the “The Get Whoever was in detention Out Of Detention”. It actually worked quite well.


Jake: How could that work well? People actually gave you money?


Xtreme: Yeah they did. I figure we do the same; call ourselves the “Save Xtreme from Being Kicked out Of His House” fund. So what was your idea?


Jake: Oh well…I was gonna say should move to Mexico and assume the lives of bull fighters but that’s a good idea too.


(Xtreme gives Jake a weird look and Jake just shrugs)


Xtreme: Come on, lets go.


(The scene fades out but then fades back into Xtreme and Jake standing in front of a random door in his apartment complex. They are both wearing suits and Jake is holding a coffee can. We look into the coffee can and we can see checks written out and lots of ten and twenty dollar bills. Looks like Xtreme’s scheme worked after all. Xtreme knocks on the door and a minute or two later, an old lady answers)


Old Lady: Hello? Who is it?


Xtreme: Good afternoon maim; we are from the Save Xtreme from Being Kicked out Of His House fund. Did you know everyday; wrestlers are being evicted from their homes for not having enough money? Can you believe that? I know it’s hard to take but if you donate to our fund you can save one wrestler from being brutally evicted from his home. He has done no wrong to world, and now he can’t even live in his own home anymore. Will you donate to our cause and help save this poor man from homelessness?


Old Lady: Well of course dear. Is a hundred dollars enough?


(Xtreme’s eyes widen) Xtreme: More than enough, ma’am. Thank you again for donating to our very special cause.


(The old lady goes into her apartment and writes out a hundred dollar check)


Old Lady: Who should I make it out to?


Xtreme: Cash, ma’am. That’s my name.


(The old lady returns and Jake holds up the coffee can. The old lady deposits the check into the can and Xtreme smiles at her as she closes her door. Jake looks into the can and says)





Xtreme: Definitely. Now let’s go to the bank, get the cash, and pay back that son of a bitch, crazy Mitch.


(Well it seems Xtreme has solved his money problems for now. Tune in next for Xtreme and the computer nerd, “What do you mean my computer doesn’t have a cup holder?”)

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