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Date Posted: 22:04:31 03/25/02 Mon
Author: DT
Subject: Uh... Yeah...



((( The scene opens with one of the weirdest looking fellows you could possibly imagine, walking up to the camera. Jim Daher! OR, wait, maybe not. Nope, it's not Jim Daher, but he looks like him. I mean, look at the dorky, "Rock Wannabe" attire and the all-around dorky look? It fooled me for a second! Hey, maybe it is Jim Daher? Well, let's just let him talk, I'm sure we'll laugh either way. Take a look at that crazy hair! Oh, and we're in a scienece center/zoo/library. Where nerds hang out, after all, this dude's a nerd. Anyway, here we go. Oh... we'll name him Jim, okay? )))

Jim: "Hello, friends, I am... er... I forget, but do you wanna hear about all the science stuff I know?"

((( Jim pushes up his glasses and then trips and falls on his face. He gets up all wobbly and nerdy-like, you know. )))

Jim: "There's this cool thing called gravity. It makes you hurt yourself! Anyway, would you like to see my Rock collection? I chased him down one day at Raw and ripped off his spandex!!!"

((( Jim reaches down into his pants and yanks REALLY hard. He squints as he rips the spandex right off his ass! Damn! That must of hurt! )))

Jim: "Ow! I wish there was an easier way to take off underwear and pants rather than just ripping them off and smashing your balls! I have to spend so much money on pants and undies!! Anyway, I like to wear them a lot. I like them so much I weld them together every time I rip them off! It still smells like him, too!"

((( Jim dips his face into the spandex and takes a huge wiff... he stumbles back coughing and hacking violently and stumbles onto the ground. He spasms on the floor for a little bit... but then gets up and pulls out a welding torch. )))

Jim: "Damn, that shit's strong! Well, let me weld these babies back together! It'll only take a second!"

((( Jim puts his spandex around himself under his pants procedes to weld them to his hips! He screeches... the sound of melting, sizzling flesh fills the air. )))

Jim: "Ouchies... Well, it's welded, anyway! Hey, Alix!!! ALIIIIXXX!!!"

((( He screams in a hot chick's ear. )))

Alix: "Fuck! I can hear you, why the fuck are you screaming in my fucking ear, for??!!"

((( Jim stares blankly.... wait, he's gone brain dead or something, wait a second... hey somebody get him to wake up!! A hammer falls out of the sky and brings Jim back to the green earth. )))

Jim: "Oh, I'm sorry, well, you still wanna do the vertical tango?"

((( Says Jim, making suggestive hip thrusts and raising his painted eyebrow. Alix laughs. )))

Jim: "Hey, size doesn't matter!!!"

((( Alix walks off. )))

Jim: "Well, I guess I'd better start telling you about this match I have!"

((( Jim looks at the Siberian tiger in the pit. Don't lean too close! Whoops, he fell in! Jim lands flat on his back, making a spine shattering "smack!" on the hard concrete. The tiger jumps on him, clawing and biting. )))

Jim: "Ouch! Get off of me!! AAAAAAAAAH!!!"

((( The tiger procedes to butt-fuck him for a while... okay, too much info, skip... )))

Jim: "Well, that was really uncomfortable... I'd sue him if I didn't enjoy it in a strange way! Anyway, let's talk about this match I have with Dark Tiger..."

((( Jim continues in a chilly, icy voice that can wet yer fucking panties! )))

Jim: "Dark Tiger is really big!!! So? I'm really small, but... Well, I've definitely got a bigger ego than he does, right?! I mean, that counts for something doesn't it??! Well, okay maybe it doesn't... Maybe I'm just gonna get my ass kicked, but hey... uh... Oh, I dunno!!! Dark Tiger, please don't hurt me, okay?!! I'm sorry!!! I didn't mean to say all those stupid fucking things I did a little while ago, I mean... uh..."

((( Tiger rushes in from off screen followed closely by Jack Otis. Tiger scoops up the look-a-like and tosses him away like nothing. Tiger glares at the camera with his stern, black eyes. )))

Tiger: "Enough of this bullshit! Jack, why th' hell did you do that?!"

((( Jack shrugs and looks away. )))

Jack: "Well... it's funny!"

((( Tiger stares at Jack for a second then shakes his head. )))

Tiger: "That's your style, Jack, not mine, okay? I'll do things my way, not yours. I'm the fuckin' former Gladiator Champion, not you! I'm the wrestler right now, not you, got it?"

(((( Jack scowls and saunters off screen. Tiger looks at the camera again. )))

Tiger: "Jim Daher, I dunno who you think you are. I mean, c'mon! You honestly thought I wasn't gonna say anything? You honestly thought you have have a chance on Wednesday? I've been thinkin' about this stupid match me 'n' you have a lot these four days. That's what I do with these matches. I think about them. I think about how I'm gonna crush whoever I fight."

((( A pause )))

Tiger: "...and you?! You of all people! I am truely wasting my time by fightin' you! Yer a joke! Jack Otis can beat you and I can definitely beat you! You are nothing, my friend, nothing and I will prove it to ou on Wednesday! You think you've got the tiger by its tail? Well, pal, anyone who's done that has gotten his head fuckin' bitten off! You think yer gonna pull some trigger and win? Well, kid, it's gonna blow up in yer face!!!"

(((( Tiger shakes his head, grimacing darkly. )))

Tiger: "So, Jim Daher, we'll fight. We'll fight. And you'd better be prepared. To lose."

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