Narrator: Hello there. Let me introduce myself… I’m Bill, the narrator for The Wicked. You’ll be hearing from me a lot in the near future. Today, we would like to take the opportunity to introduce the public to Thanatos and John Grim, the members of The Wicked. While you may have seen them this past Wednesday on GWA’s Insurrection, I’m sure that, up until now, you never really took notice of them. Well, let’s go to the gym where they train, shall we?

The camera fades in from black to the interior of a desolate warehouse that has been converted into a training facility. The camera pans around, but there is nobody there to be found.

Narrator: Oh. Well, I guess they aren’t there now… let’s try at the hotel, maybe they’re still in their rooms.

The camera fades out, then fades back in to the interior of a hotel room. It is very quiet, the only sounds being squeaking from the bed in the room above. The camera pans around. It is obvious that someone is living here, but they aren’t in at the moment.

Narrator: Dammit, those two are never where they tell me they will be… One last place could be the hotel bar… those two love to drink.

Once again, the camera fades out. It fades back in this time to Thanatos and John Grim sitting at the bar. Thanatos looks at the camera, then taps John on the shoulder. John turns to face Thanatos, who points towards the camera.

John: What the bloody hell is this?

Thanatos: Well, dumbass, this would be a video camera. And that guy behind it? That’s the camera operator… hold on, do I have to slow this down a little for you?

John: Oh, shut up, will you… I know what that is… but what the hell is it doing here in the bar, and why is it pointed at us?

Thanatos: Well, do you remember that promo that we said we would do, introducing us to the fans of the GWA and such?

John: Vaguely…

Thanatos: I guess they want us to do it now then.

John: Damn it… All I wanted to do was have a nice drink. But nooooo, the job always has to get in the way… So what do we do now?

Thanatos: Well, first we introduce ourselves, tell the fans a little about ourselves. Then we talk about our goals and objectives here in the GWA. Then we talk about Wednesday’s match that we had against the Violent Femmes…

John: Do we have to? My testicles are still throbbing from that.

Thanatos: I don’t know why you’re complaining… you had on her back, legs spread and in the air…

John: Yeah… and then I got nailed from behind.

Thanatos: Oh well… after we talked about that match, then we do some trash talking about members of the GWA…

John: Yeah, that’s the fun part.

Thanatos: And then we wrap it up, maybe think of some catchy phrases, some sayings that will become popular with the fans yet will become increasingly annoying when repeated over… and over… and over… and… you get the idea.

John: Well ,then, let’s get started… Hey there, my name is John Grim…

Thanatos: And I’m Thanatos…

John: And combined, we make up the tag team of The Wicked!

Thanatos: While we wrestle as a tag team often, we also wrestle separately, or, in the lingo of the profession, as singles wrestlers.

John: If you can’t tell already, I’m in the heavyweight division…

Thanatos: And I’m not.

John: I’m from Dark City, USA… I stand almost seven feet tall, and I weigh over three hundred pounds.

Thanatos: I’m from unknown, USA…

John: That’s a town?

Thanatos: No, jackass, that means that I’m not telling where I’m from… I weigh in at roughly two hundred and thirty-five pounds, give or take an ounce or two, and I stand a little over six feet tall.

John: Now what do we talk about?

Thanatos: Well, according to the outline that was given to us, now we talk about…

Thanatos pulls out a piece of notebook paper and unfolds it. He scans through it, then quickly folds it up and puts it back in his pocket.

Thanatos: Uh, yeah… now we talk about our goals here in the GWA, what we intend on accomplishing.

John: Well, it doesn’t take a moron to figure those out. My goal is to hold every singles belt at least once… well, except the Falconer belt and the Valkyrie belt. The Falconer I can’t hold unless I lose about a hundred pounds, and the Valkyrie belt I can’t hold unless I get a lengthy, painful surgery…

Thanatos: Well, I wouldn’t want to see you as a women anyways, you’d be a damn ugly one… as for myself, I intend as well to hold every singles gold at least once… and because I am a lightweight, I can hold the Falconer title, so I get a shot at one more belt than Johnny boy does.

John: Very true. And of course, together as a tag team, we intend on decimating… that’s a good word, isn’t it?

Thanatos: Yes, quite descriptive if I may say so.

John: So, yes, we intend on decimating the tag team division and to hold the Legion Tag belts, in the very near future. That is, if we don’t get our asses beat by a pair of broads again.

Thanatos: Ah yes, you’re sticking to the order of the promo very well there… On to Wednesday night’s match against the Violent Broads… er, Violent Femmes. It was interesting, to say the least. I’m not sure which happened more often during that match, Tyrone Tranza saying “suckah” or one of us getting kneed, kicked or punched in the package.

John: I don’t know if you two broads realize it, but you went and set my sex life back a whole month doing that…

Thanatos: Not only that, but you had to cheat, I don’t know, a good dozen times to beat us.

John: Not that there’s anything wrong with cheating.

Thanatos: Come on now, cheating is always wrong… unless, of course, we’re the ones doing it…

John: True.

Thanatos: But anyhow, we digress. What it boils down to is you guys won, we lost, big deal, yadda yadda yadda.

John: We won’t let that slow us down though, no ma’am… One loss does not a career end.

Thanatos: Well, it can…

John: Okay, okay, if you do what Foley did and make it a loser leaves wrestling match, yes, a loss can end a career.

Thanatos: But of course, this was not a match with that stipulation.

John: On an interesting note, we were not the only ones that lost a match to women this week either.

Thanatos: You got that right… Mr. Ex-Falconer champion, no longer the only Falconer that matters, Jim Daher, you got pinned by a WOMAN!

John: It’s true, it’s damn true

Narrator: Ahem, please do not use copyrighted material.

Thanatos: Shut up. It’s not time for you to talk yet.

Narrator: Oh, sorry… my bad.

John: Thank you… See, it took TWO…

Thanatos: That’s right, two…

John: …women to take me down and pin me.

Thanatos: And in other interesting news… oh, wait, there was no other interesting news on Wednesday.

John: Yeah. In all reality, it was a pretty fuckin’ boring night… I believe, besides our match, the only other interesting part was when Jimmy Jackson…

Thanatos: THE Jimmy Jackson?

John: Yep.

Thanatos “Rock Hard” Jimmy Jackson?

John: That’s the one.

Thanatos: THE “Rock Hard”…

John: Okay, it’s getting a little old now… yes, Jimmy Jackson and Gabriel…

Thanatos: Who?

John: Exactly… they came down to announce the final match. While the match itself was boring, I found their commentary to be hilarious… even though I was holding an ice pack on Little John and the twins at the time…

Thanatos: I too thought it was funny as hell… They were more entertaining than the usual duo of Boring Kevin Gaines and Tyrone “Suckah” Tranza.

John: Most definitely… Now what do we do?

Thanatos: I think the next thing is that we trash talk about our competitors in the GWA.

John: Um, sure, okay… Rayne, you suck… Odyssey, you suck… Drakestone, you suck even worse than those two previous guys combined…

Thanatos: Come on, you gotta be more creative than that. Be original. Anyone can tell someone that they suck. Hell, I know people who have made a career out of telling people that they suck.

John: Okay, let’s try this one… Bedlam, you couldn’t fight your way out of a paper bag!

Thanatos: Nah… it’s true, but it’s way too cliché.

John: Okay… um…

Thanatos: Let the master of trash talking demonstrate for you…

John: Go ahead, let’s hear it…

Thanatos: Okay, here goes… Charlie Dream, you whipped little bitch, you have less balls than… than… oh shit, now I forget what I was going to say.

John: Oh yeah, the master of trash talking… my ass you are.

Thanatos: Hold on, let me try another one… Tempest, you little dancing fairy, you fight like dogs fuck… you couldn’t pin a cushion…. How was that.

John: I don’t quite understand it, but it sounded half decent.

Thanatos: Well, I’m sorry, it’s kind of difficult to slam on these losers, they make it so easy you almost feel pitty for them… hey, I got one more, about our favorite subject of humiliation…

John: Daher? Let’s hear it!

Thanatos: Alrighty… Jimmy boy Daher, you little pansy, you lover of men, you got your ass pinned by a pussy… Yeah, that’s right, a woman… so what did you do afterwards? Go back to the hotel room, where Drakestone coddled you in his arms and whispered in your ear that everything is okay? And then you cut a promo telling Caprice and Charlie to watch their backs… right, I think only Charlie has to worry about watching his back, for fear that he’ll get ass-raped… of course, you never know, he might enjoy that… So, how was that?

John gets up off his bar stool and bows down to Thanatos.

John: I bow to thee, oh Master Trash Talker.

Thanatos: As well you should… well, I guess we have to wrap this up now… got any ideas for a catchphrase or smart-ass saying that we can use so often it becomes annoying and pointless?

John: How about… “I am the object of Jim Daher’s boyfriend’s masterbations?”

Thanatos: Nah, too lengthy, too wordy… how about “And that’s the bottom line, because The Wicked said so!”

Narrator: What did I say earlier about using copyrighted material?

Thanatos: Will you just shut up… it’s almost time for you to talk again, trust me, we’ll let you know when it’s time to talk.

John: Here’s one… “Whooo! We are, WHOOO the Wicked WHOOO and we WHOOO will kick WHOOO your ass… WHOOOOOOO!”

Thanatos: Okay Nature Boy… that sucked. Hold on, I’ve had an epiphany.

John: A what?

Thanatos: An epiphany… you know, a light bulb just went on in my head, I just got a good idea.

John: Well then, let’s hear it.

Thanatos: I’ve got the perfect slogan… “The Wicked: Better than your mother!”

John: But that’s not a catchphrase…

Thanatos: You’re right… hey, Mr. Narrator, you got any ideas, smart-ass?

Narrator: Um, sure… it’s not a catchphrase, but it’s a good slogan… “The Wicked: Better than Sex with Jaime Pressley.”

Thanatos: Hey, I like that one… but we still need a catchphrase… we’ll have to think about that til next time.

John: Yup… til next time, we’re The Wicked…

Thanatos: And you’re not!

The two pause for a moment, waiting for something.

Thanatos: Hey, narrator dude, it’s your turn to talk now!

Silence as the duo holds their pose.

Thanatos: Hey, jack-ass, speak or I’ll fire you!

Narrator: Fine, fine…

The scene fades to black as the duo goes back about their business, the narrator talking over the fade out.

Narrator: And so we leave the Wicked until next time… I hope that today has brought you some insight into who The Wicked are, their personalities, their characteristics. And I hope this serves as a warning to all those in the GWA… these guys aren’t your normal wrestlers.