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Date Posted: 13:55:11 01/12/02 Sat
Author: Santos
Subject: The Ref of Refs, (Lost, Daher, Caprice, Assassin all get airtime)

[Scene opens at registration office of Lake Superior Community College. The place is full of students desperately trying to get in to classes at the last second. a Line of at least 30 people is waiting to speak to the few registration councilors that are available. The line advances a few people and Santos is at the front of the line. He is wearing black slacks and a ref's shirt. His hair is uncombed and is going every which direction and is still spray painted black and white. He has a clean shaved face except for long sideburns that right down his jaw line. Santos stares intensely forward with his baby blue eyes as he waits for the next register to become available. ]


Register: Next.


[Santos sprints over to the desk and hops into the seat across from this older lady who looks like she has had enough of students today. Her hair is completely gray but has that blue-ish tint to it. She is wearing a very conservative business outfit that looks like it once fit her a little better but the years have added pounds to her.]


Register: (In an aggravated voice) My name is Mary Lou Stew. How can I help you ?


Santos: I need to sign up for some referee classes.


[Mary Lou opens up the class catalog and starts looking for the correct page.]


Mary Lou: What kind of sport do you want to ref?


[Santos gets a big smile on his face and flexes his chest with pride. He looks up at the sky as if he was saying something magical almost.]


Santos: Mary Lou Stew, I am going to be the Ref of refs!!! The days of inequity and injustice are gone.. I am going to replace them with justice and fairness.... Take the match this last Wednesday... The ref clearly missed several crucial calls which lead to an injustice in Lost Worlds losing the match... I would have called it RIGHT down the middle and Lost Worlds would have surely won then.


[Mary Lou has a confused look on his face.]


Mary Lou: Son, we have a no drug policy here so I think it would be best if you just left before I have to call security.


Santos: Mary Lou Stew, don't be afraid. I am just HIGH on LIFE!!! When greatness is right at your hands it is hard not to be excited, but I will try to calm down a bit.


[Santos stands up and sits back down in his chair and tries to sit still but his legs are shaking frantically with excitement.]


Mary Lou: Are you sure you are ok?


Santos: What do you want me to do Mary Lou Stew? I got to do what I got to do!!!


Mary Lou: Ok we have classes for refereeing Basketball, Tennis, Football, baseball, and softball. Which one of them would you like?


Santos: All of them Mary Lou.. Don't you see I got to be the Ref of Refs. I got to show these slimy magoes what to do. Sign me up Mary Lou Stew. Sign me up for all you can Mrs. Stew.


Mary Lou: Why are you rhyming?


Santos: Why ask why. Bud dry.


Mary Lou: Lord help me.. Here is your schedule. Class starts on Monday.


[Santos grabs his school schedule from Mary Lou and jumps out of his chair and runs out of the building. The scene fades out and reopens with Santos driving down the road in his "Lost Express" Scooby Doo style van. Santos is driving recklessly through traffic and barely avoid several accidents.]


Santos: I remember the good old days of wrestling when there was some integrity and honor. The days when the fans cheered for the good guys and booed the bad guys. Today's wrestling has turned into something so ugly. I don't understand why the fans do not cheer for Lost Worlds. He is a certified bad ass, gets more fine women then James Bond, and puts on five star match after five star match....... Now you look at a piece of garbage like Jim Daher. I will admit the guy is good looking and would be very popular in prison but besides the prison population cheering for him I do not see what the big deal is. He is on a bigger losing streak then the Carolina Panthers. His whole act is to come down to the ring and swear and call people stupid, and he has to feel like a real man by attacking a beautiful women before her match and nail her with his finishing move..... Sure she ended up winning regardless... LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN!!!! DAHER LOST TO A GIRL!!!! DAHER LOST TO A GIRL!!!! DAHER LOST TO A GIRL!!!!!


[Santos starts laughing hysterically and swerves into oncoming traffic and three cars have to drive off the road to avoid a head on collision. Santos finally swerves back to his own lane.]


Santos: Don't get me wrong. I can think of nothing finer then Caprice on top of me for the one, two three, four, five.. well as long as she wants but I have not been talking all that sh!t about being the "ICON"... What does ICON stand for? I Can't Overcome Nipples." (Santos swerves again as he laughs at his own bad jokes.) One thing is for sure. Finally we have a Falconer Champion to be proud of... Finally we have a Falconer champion that the fans will be in AWE of... Finally we have a Falconer champion that I want to get in the ring with and roll around on the mat and get all sweata!!!! Hell I am getting all sweata just thinking about it.


[Santos whips some sweat off of his forehead and whips into a Burger King and pulls up to the drive through behind several other cars that are in line.]


Santos: This ref license stuff is going to take a little longer then I expected but the world has made it this long with bad refs so it will make it a few weeks longer. As for this upcoming week, I have already been working on Assassin patches to add to the Lost Worlds tour shirt.


[Santos pulls out two cloth patches of the Assassin's head. One is a normal looking face and the other one is a bloody and bruised face of the Assassin.]


Santos: Yes sports fan this coming week the Assassin head will become available for sale for only $9.95... Yes only minutes after his match with Lost Worlds when he takes a beating of a lifetime the patches will be for sale so you can add them to your collection....


[Santos holds up the patch of Assassin as a bloody mess to the camera. ]


Santos: After Wednesday this is what you are going to look like Assboy... After Wednesday you are going to be just another patch on the collection of people that have got their ass whooped by good old Lost Worlds.. Don't feel bad Assboy, this is about as famous as you are ever going to get. Assboy, on this day you are going to be immortalized as one of the many who got their clock cleaned by good old Lost Worlds.


[Santos advances in line and is next in line.]


Santos: I may be one crazy donkey but I know a money maker when I see one. Buy these collectors items while you still can.


[The scene fades with Santos pulling up and ordering his meal to go. The scene slowly goes away as Burger King gets its free advertising.]

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