Narrator: Well, it seems that the fans of the GWA are not altogether enthralled with the “gimmick” that The Wicked have. So, in their infinite wisdom, the GWA executives sent the dynamic duo to an image consultant to see what could be done with them. We join The Wicked now as they’re stuffing their faces in Philadelphia.

The camera opens to John Grim and Thanatos sitting on a bench outside a multi-storied building in downtown Philadelphia Pennsylvania. People are milling around them in the open area in front of the building. Grim is munching away on one of Philly’s famous soft pretzels while Thanatos is finishing downing a large cheese steak. Grim stops eating for a second and looks at the camera.

Grim: Hey. Narrator dude. What did we say earlier about you talking shit about us? Will you just knock it off?

Narrator: Fine. But finish up eating, you have an appointment to make.

Thanatos (sarcastically): Really? We have an appointment? Is that why we’re here?

Narrator: Stop mocking me. I am a professional, and I conduct myself in a way becoming of one. You two, however, seem to not care…

Thanatos (imitating the voice of the narrator): Stop mocking me guys, puhleeeeeeeze! I’m a professional, really… (seriously) will you just calm down there. We know what we’re doing.

Grim (points to the last bite of Thanatos’ cheese steak): How can you eat all that shit and stay in shape?

Thanatos: It’s called exercise… and I wouldn’t be commenting on my cheese steak if I were you… you seen the reports on what those pretzel vendors do?

Grim: No, why?

Thanatos raises an eyebrow and points to a pretzel vendor, who has his hands down his pants, scratching his crotch. Grim turns in time to see the vendor pulling his hand out.

Grim: Eh, I’ve had worse… anyways, it adds flavor…

Thanatos: You like the taste of a sweaty, smelly old man’s nut sack?

Grim: I… NO! Oh course not. Once you put on the mustard, it covers up the taste.

Thanatos: Do you know what’s in the mustard? Do you think they don’t cut it with something to make it last longer?

Grim looks at his pretzel, looks around, then tosses it into the bushes behind him.

Grim: I was getting a little full anyways…

Thanatos just nods and finishes off his cheese steak as Grim gets up to throw away the trash. Thanatos rises and walks up next to Grim.

Grim: So is this the building?

Thanatos: Um, yeah, this is definitely Kruger Place.

Grim: That’s the building we’re going to?

Thanatos: Um, yeah, that’s what is on the slip of paper…

Grim: So how do you know this is that building?

Thanatos: Because it says so on the sign above the entrance, jackass…

Grim turns to look at the entrance, then looks back. He shakes his head once towards the building. Thanatos just shrugs his shoulders as Grim shakes his head towards the building again.

Thanatos: What, you got a nervous twitch or something?

Grim: No, that means let’s go, it’s almost time for our appointment.

The duo walk through the crowds of people who are on their lunch break. They walk up to the entrance, past a group of schoolchildren on a field trip.

Kid: Hey, I know you! You’re those guys from… from… that TV show!

Thanatos: Oh yeah, ‘that TV show,’ that really narrows it down…

Kid: Yeah, the wrestlers…

Thanatos: Well, you got that right… what else would a gorilla like him do?

Kid: So let me see you do The Worm!

Thanatos: Sure, no prob… say what?

Kid: Yeah, do The Worm!

Thanatos: Wait a minute, wait a minute…

Kid: Aren’t you Scotty 2 Hotty, and isn’t that Albert?

Thanatos: Um… NO! Go back to picking your nose, half pint….

The kid looks sad as Thanatos walks away, Grim trailing. They walk to the building directory and proceed to search for the office they have been directed to.

Grim: Now why’d you have to go and act like that… the kid was just in awe of being in your presence.

Thanatos: Oh come on, he thought I was Scott Taylor… That’s just wrong man.

Grim: Admittedly… but he was just a kid, I mean… couldn’t you have handled it any better?

Thanatos: Nope… Here it is. Staley Image Consultants. 24th floor. Let’s go.

The pair wander over to the elevators, where they stand and wait behind a group of black-suited executives.

Thanatos: Damn, that’s gotta suck, having to wear a suit and tie to work…

Grim: Hey, wait a second, didn’t you used to do that?

Thanatos: Well… yeah, but I did it by choice, not because my boss would fire me if I didn’t.

Grim: But you still wore a suit and tie to work.

Thanatos: But that’s not my point… these guys don’t have a choice. I did.

Grim: But you still wore a suit and tie to work.

Thanatos: Yes but… oh, never mind. You’re hopeless, ya know that?

Grim: Why don’t you kiss my ass you sorry sack of shit… I ought to throw you through that window over there. Maybe that would cure the Napoleon complex you got going!

The duo look at the group in front of them, all of whom have turned around to look at the two large men arguing loudly. Thanatos and Grim manage bashful smiles and give a little wave as the businessmen look at them, unimpressed. The elevator arrives and the group enters the elevator, making sure to not leave room for Grim or Thanatos.

Grim: I guess we get the next one, eh?

Thanatos: Well, its here now, so let’s jump on.

They get aboard and Thanatos frantically press the button to close the doors as they see other people start to walk for it… the doors close, and you hear a banging on the doors as the elevator starts to rise.

Grim: Man, you are ruder than usual today.

Thanatos: Oh, come now, this isn’t that bad. I could be worse…

Grim: I gotta wonder how… wait, no, I don’t really think I want to know.

The elevator hits the 24th floor and stops, and the duo gets off. As he exits the door, Thanatos reaches back and slaps a whole bunch of buttons.

Grim: Juvenile much?

Thanatos: Once in a while… come on, it’s funny as hell!

Grim: Somehow I doubt the next person that gets on the elevator will think so…

They hear yelling coming up from the floor below as someone gets into the elevator.

Grim: See?

Thanatos: Pull that stick out of your ass… have some fun.

Grim: You are incorrigible, you know that?

Thanatos: Yup… let’s go see this guy now, eh?

Grim and Thanatos saunter down the hallway until they get to a door that says “Staley Image Consultants.” Walking through the door, they wander into a waiting room, with a desk on the side staffed by a good looking member of the female gender.

Secretary: So, what can I do for you two?

Thanatos: Well, for starters, you can go to one of the empty offices with me, we can lock the doors and I’ll… OWWWW! What the hell did you do that for, man?

Grim pulls his hand down from giving Thanatos a thump on the back of the head.

Grim (ignoring Thanatos): Well, ma’am, you could tell… um, what was that guys name again?

Thanatos (shoots a mean look at Grim): Washington. Craig Washington, you dumb oaf.

Grim: Could you tell Mr. Washington that The Wicked are here for their appointment?

Secretary: Well, as far as your request, I can handle that… but as far as your little friend’s request, I don’t go for guys…

Thanatos: So, how about a three way with… DAMN IT! Stop hitting me, you damn dirty ape!

The secretary gives Thanatos a cruel glance, turns and smiles at Grim, then buzzes back to Mr. Washington’s office. After a short conversation, she hangs up and turns back to the pair.

Secretary: If you had let me finish, I would have said guys that have such lousy come-on lines like you have… and Mr. Washington asked that you wait out here, he’s still in with another appointment.

Thanatos sits down in a chair and picks up the latest Newsweek. Grim goes to sit in a chair as well, and as he sits, the chair creaks and groans, causing the secretary and Thanatos both to glance up. Grim looks a bit embarrassed.

Thanatos: Hey, fat ass, try another seat, I think that one will break if you sit there too long.

Grim gets up gingerly and goes for another seat. This seat too creaks, causing the secretary to look up once again, and Thanatos sits there chuckling.

Grim: You don’t get many large people in here often, do you?

Secretary: No sir… at least, not as large as you are.

Thanatos: I think she’s checking you out!

Secretary: What was that?

Thanatos: Um… I said… Why don’t they have a couch?

Secretary: Oh… I thought you had said something else, sorry… I don’t know where you could sit, Mr. Grim…

Thanatos: I know where you could sit, babe…

Secretary: What was that, Mr. Thanatos?

Thanatos: Just Thanatos, babe, no mister… and ah.. I said, ah… um…

Thanatos quickly pulls the Newsweek up in front of his face.

Grim: Ignore him. He’s got some bad problems…

Thanatos: I HEARD that!

Grim: Eh… I guess I’ll have to sit on the floor then…

The secretary goes back behind her desk as Grim looks for an open space against the far wall. He finds one near the door and sits down, only to hear the floor squeak and groan under him. He blushes as the secretary gives him a cock-eyed look, while Thanatos is muffling his chuckles with the magazine. They sit in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds being the chattering off the keyboard as the secretary types away. The door opens, almost nailing Grim, and in walks a distinguished looking, gray haired man.

Thanatos: Hey… aren’t you…?

Man: Yes, I’m Marc Howard, Channel Six news.

Thanatos: Oh, never mind, I thought you were someone important.

Marc: I am, though. I am possibly the most esteemed news anchor in this city…

Thanatos: That’s not saying much… it’s Philadelphia, for christ’s sake, it’s not like it’s an important city. I mean, come on, if you were the most esteemed anchor in, say, Seattle… or Dallas… or Chicago… or LA or New York, that would be something…. But Philly?

Both Marc Howard and the secretary are shooting evil looks at Thanatos now.

Thanatos: Okay, um, I’ll shut up now…

Grim starts to chuckle as Marc turns to the secretary. Thanatos wings the magazine at Grim, narrowly missing.

Marc: Is Mr. Staley in? I know I’m a few minutes early, but I’d rather not be stuck in here with these two shitheads…

Secretary: Yes sir, he’s in… why don’t you go right back there, I’ll quick call and tell him you’re coming.

Marc walks to the back as the secretary gets on the phone

Thanatos: Hey, John, did you hear what he called us?

Grim: Well, you are acting like one, can’t say I blame him.

Thanatos: Oh well… why the hell does he get an appointment with the head honcho, and we get stuck with some associate who’s probably got his head up his ass?

Grim: Well, he IS the most esteemed news anchor in the Philadelphia region…

Thanatos: So? We’re two of the most esteemed wrestlers in the GWA… what, was the exec board too cheap to get us in with the big man?

Grim: Guess so… Figures, they skimp on everything else…

A door opens in the back, and out walks Michael Bolton

Thanatos: Hey, isn’t that the fag who won the Emmys once?

Grim: You mean the Grammys?

Thanatos: Yeah, those… I had a friend named Michael Bolton back in college… he said that ass-puncher ruined the name…

Grim: Why didn’t he go by Mike instead of Michael?

Thanatos: Why should he go by Mike instead of Michael? He didn’t make the name look bad, that piece of queer bait did…

Bolton walks out of the door, oblivious to the conversation. From the back comes a man who looks like one of the Backstreet Boys.

Man (in a light, lispy voice): Okay, boys, I guess you’re my next appointment… its fabulous to see you!

The duo exchanges wary glances and get up to follow the man into the back room as the camera fades to black.

Narrator: Well, we’ll leave The Wicked until next time… In the grasp of an evil image consultant, a man here solely to destroy The Wicked and rebuild them in his own perverted image… oh, who are we kidding? He’s just a limp-wristed, mincing little homosexual. We’ll see if he survives dealing with The Wicked next time, same place, same people, same time. Until then… na-na na-naa-naaaaaaa!