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Narrator: After a stop-over at a less-than-friendly rest stop, John Grim and Thanatos are back on the road to Greensboro, locale of this week’s Insurrection. Thanatos is taking his turn at the wheel, flying down the interstate. Thanatos is flipping the car through the gears, accelerating hard to pass a big rig, then flying back into the left lane, dropping between the rig and the one in front, safe from radar. Grim is fiddling with the radio, looking for music. Grim: Dammit, do people down here listen to anything besides country? Thanatos: Hey, we’re in the south, what so you expect? All they have down here are three-toothed hillbillies who like to have sex with their sister… Grim: Like Daher? Thanatos: No… he’s a three-toothed hillbilly who likes to have sex with men. Grim: Not much difference, huh? Thanatos: Not really… Anyways, all they listen to is country down here, man… why don’t you throw a CD in? Grim: Too lazy… Thanatos: Oh, like it’s really that difficult to reach your hand behind the seat and grab the CDs… do it, ya big ape! Grim turns around and grabs the CDs, opening the case and flipping through the pages. Grim: So what do you want to listen to? We got some Zombie… Static-X… Pantera… Stuck Mojo… Thanatos: What, no easy listening? No Barry Manilow? No Kenny G? Grim: Fuck no, man… ah, here we go, let’s toss in some Deftones… Thanatos: New stuff or the older? Grim: The new stuff sucks ass… Let’s go for some off “Around the Fur.” Thanatos: Whatever… you’re the music man… Grim tosses the CD in, and “My Own Summer (Shove It)” comes blasting over the speakers. Grim swiftly flicks the volume knob, turning it down so that he can talk over it. Grim: You juiced for Insurrection? Thanatos: Awww, hell yeah mothersuckah… This match should be no sweat… Grim: No sweat? Hold on a minute, boy… you didn’t win the last six man battle you fought... remember, the one where Jimmy boy handed you your ass on a platter at the end? Thanatos: You don’t have to remind me… But come on, look who I’m going against! Grim: Well, there’s Lost Worlds… Thanatos: You mean Lost HisMind? Hell, if he even shows up for the match I’ll be surprised. Grim: But isn’t he an ex-Gladiator champion or something? Thanatos: That’s in the past… you know, that’s something that bugs me about a lot of our competition we’ve been facing lately… In fact, it goes for the majority of our competitors… They love to talk about being “3-time champion of such-and-such” or ex-Buttfuck title holder” or stuff like that… It’s in the past! The past doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter if you held a championship 26 times… you still aren’t holding it at the moment! I mean, Daher likes to brag about being 2-time Falconer champ, ending the career of some dumbfuck I never even heard of… Guess what? You also lost that title twice… one of which was to a women! And then your little sandbox pals, Doom and Drakestone… former Legion tag champions… emphasis on FORMER… They thought they were hot shit because they’ve been around a while, because they WERE champions… they didn’t take us seriously… and who walked out of Malicious Intentions a winner? WE DID! So you see, John boy, the past is just that, the past. We aren’t part of the past. We are part of the now, the current. You know why these people did well in the past? Because we weren’t around to stop them. But we’re here. Now. And the past will stay in the past because we, The Wicked, are the future. Grim: You done? Thanatos: Um… Grim: Going to get down off your soapbox now? Thanatos: Well, let me catch my breath… Grim: Well, there are still four other opponents in your match… think you can go without any more ten-minute spiels? Thanatos: I’ll try… Grim: Well, you also have to take on Mercury… Thanatos: You mean Mr. FWF? Maybe he should stick with one organization, cuz he doesn’t belong in this one… anyways, he’s got a match against Doom’s little bitch earlier in the night, he’ll be worn down. Grim: Well, if she’s anything like Doom, Mercury will get an easy win there… Thanatos: True, true… Grim: Well, I guess we can count those two out of the match… what about Snoops, the current Olympic champion? Thanatos: See, I can see him being a bit of competition… although the only reason that he’s champion is because Rayne laid down for him… Grim: Do you think after the lesson we gave him and his partner last week at Malicious Intentions that he’ll even be a threat? Thanatos: Hell, after the beating we have those two, I won’t be surprised if Snoops goes and eliminates himself. He’ll probably jump over the top rope the minute I go after him… Grim: How about Shadow Craven? Thanatos: Who? Grim: Shadow Craven… Thanatos: Like I said, who? He’s not even worth my time… All he does is get in the way, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the first eliminated… Grim: Well, that’s everyone… except Azul. Thanatos: She worries me the most… after all, she’s the one that got us into this match. She did make the final elimination for our team… Grim: With a little help… Thanatos: And the women have been on a tear for the last few weeks here in the GWA… but this is for the number one contendership for the Gladiator title! Ain’t nobody going to stand in my way for this! It’s the number one title in all of wrestling! The MOST IMPORTANT TITLE ANYWHERE! Grim: More important than the FWF World Title, or whatever they call it? Thanatos: Oh hell yeah… Like I said, and I meant it, the Gladiator belt is the most coveted belt ANYWHERE! And anyone that says different? I’d like to meet them in a dark alley. Grim: I ain’t gonna argue on that one, don’t worry… Thanatos: Good, I wouldn’t want to have to kick your ass… Grim: Like you could… Thanatos: Just wait a fuckin’ minute here… who eliminated who at Malicious Intentions? Grim: And who got eliminated all of four seconds later? Thanatos: Still, I pinned you… Grim: Yeah, but you used a move that you never use anymore… why the hell are you still using that move from your old gimmick? Thanatos: Good question… Grim: Some time down the road, we’ll match up… and we’ll see who’s better than who… The conversation stalls for a moment as the CD plays on in the background.
You’re plain boring
And
You bore me asleep
But
It’s classical anyways how cool are you
I remember
And
I feel sickened
And
Who the fuck are you anyway you fuck?
Grim: Damn straight… who the fuck do all these people think they are? They’re boring. They’re awful… their promos and interviews make me want to suck on a shotgun and pull the trigger… Thanatos: Cheer up, dude… Get your mind off those other people, you got a match coming up. Grim: What match? Thanatos: The one against Maxwell for the Maximus belt. Grim: Oh, yeah… that one… Well, ya know, I hate having to fight Drake at this moment… it’s important that all of us non-Union members stay on high alert, to fight back against these pricks… Thanatos: You think this might be a setup? Grim: Of course, man! Hold on a minute, let me logicize this for ya… Thanatos: Logi-who? Grim: Just a word I made up… Let me explain… if you’re J.J., what better way to eliminate anti-Union people then to have them face off in a no-holds-barred, hardcore match? It’s prime for people like Assassin, Snoops, Daher or any of those other Union morons to come out and whip the hell out of both of us after the match… or even during it. Thanatos: Don’t worry man… if anyone comes down, I’ll be there watching your back… Grim: Just don’t interfere in the match, kiddo… I want this to be an even match, I got nothing against Drake, but I will do whatever I have to in order to win the match. Thanatos: It’s just a shame that J.J. went and pulled this on us… trying to eliminate the competition, right? Grim: Aye… it’s a shame that Fury went on hiatus. He was a total prick, but he was better than what we got right now… Thanatos: Hopefully he’ll get his ass back here soon, get all this under control… This whole Union bit has given J.J. too much power… I don’t like it at all. Grim: All we gotta do is survive… The duo rides on down the highway as the CD comes to an end… Copyright 2002, The Wicked
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