Ace: “Can you believe that bullshit that Daher was talking about?”

Thurston: “What, that little ‘Thurston is lying, here’s the TRUE story’ bit he put on?”

Ace: “Yeah, that’s the one.”

Thurston: “You know, for someone who can think up as many useless catchphrases as he can, for someone who tries, and fails I might add, to be flashy such as he does, you’d think that at least he’d have the common courtesy not to lie to ‘the people’ that he’s always talking about…”

Ace: “The people? I think you have him confused with the person he’s trying to emulate… I guess you could say, the man of Daher’s masturbations, to paraphrase The Icon himself…”

Thurston: “And I can only remember one person who ever pulled off a good emulation of the Rock… and that was the Divine One, if I remember correctly… but it’s been a while. Anyways, about that blatant promo Daher cut, you’d think that if he was going to lie about his past, that he would at least make it somewhat flashy… he can’t even make up an interesting lie, no, he has to go and BORE the millions of viewers TO DEATH with ten minutes of unimportant drivel that he was obviously reading off of the cue cards that the cameraman was holding up… he can’t even think for himself, what kind of person is he?”

Ace: “Well, he is the Falconer champion…”

Thurston: “For all of what, 6 more days? Yeah, that’s what I thought. And to top it all off, not only does he attend to befoul my name, but he can’t even do a good job of it… do I need to point out the number of obviously blatant lies and the transference of misinformation in his little promo?”

The Figure: “Something tells me that you would tell us anyways, even if we didn’t want to know…”

Thurston: “Sometimes I wonder why I brought you along. But yes, I will tell you anyways. First of all, that whole incident regarding the principle, where he claims ‘I went to the principal to ask for her help...and instead of helping me, she b*tched me out right then and there and threatened to spank me if I didn't get to class.’ Would not have happened… corporal punishment has been outlawed in public schools for over 20 years now… And to claim that a principle bitched you out for asking for help? That is besmirching the profession of school administrators, and I believe that he owes her, as well as the whole profession, an apology for attempting to spread the idea that principles and other administrators are bad.”

Ace: “Well, come on, remember our principle?”

Thurston: “He only hated you because you were the worst student in the school… but let’s continue with Daher, shall we? I checked with various sources about town, who have been through the schools here and who have lived here for twenty plus years, and I found no one that could recall a teacher named Geraldine Aluko… seems kind of suspicious to me, the fact that a character central to Jim Daher’s LIE never even EXISTED! Doesn’t that seem odd to you?”

Cameraman: “Um, sure, yeah, but can I put this camera down? I mean we’re not using it right now, and it is heavy…”

Thurston: “Yes, yes, put it down somewhere soft… I’m not done with Daher yet. When I’m done bitching about him and calm down, then we’ll continue on our little research mission here. CAPISCE?”

Cameraman: “What the hell does that mean?”

Thurston: “It’s Italian… it means ‘understand?’ Just put the damn case down... Now, he goes on to talk about having an IQ of 127 and getting in the gifted program… now, I understand that the standards down here aren’t like they are up north, so that IQ test score was probably about 30 points too high…”

Ace: “Oh, come on Thurston, you know that being born south of the Mason-Dixon line means that automatically your IQ is 20 points lower…”

Thurston: “And anyhow, I know up north it usually takes an IQ of 140 or more to get into the gifted programs… hell, my 162 was one of the lowest in our program. Maybe I can let that oversight go… later on in his promo, he talks about how his middle school did not have showers… Now, I checked out the middle school yesterday, and there were showers. I talked to one of the janitors there, a Mr. Washburn, and he said that the showers had been there and had been in use for decades…”

Ace: “I don’t know of any middle schools that don’t have showers… then again, as I pointed out earlier, we are in the south….”

Thurston: “Very true… The rest of his blatant promo was fairly true… I found a series of photos of his current girlfriend though…”

Thurston pulls a large envelope out of his back pocket and pulls out the pictures.

Ace: “Damn, that is one ugly broad… hey, wait a second, that looks like Drakestone!”

Thurston: “This is the only person Daher ever spends significant time with. This would also explain why they room together on the road.”

Ace: “That must be painful…”

Thurston: “Well, depends who’s giving and who’s taking… but I’d rather not think about that… well, let’s get that camera turned on and speak with the owners of the house… what was their name again? LeMans?”

Ace: “LeMond.”

The cameraman kneels down and opens his case, pulling the camera out and sliding a new battery in it. He stands up and aims it at the door, waiting for the signal from Thurston.

Thurston: “Hold on, before we start filming, I want to know how Daher found out what we were doing down here….”

Cameraman: “That’s a good question, and I’d like to know how too… see, this camera can’t transmit to anywhere, and the tape never left my body, so how could he know about it?”

Thurston: “Let’s just make sure that he doesn’t get a hold of this tape… we’ll put it in the hotel safe when we get back. I want to make a bit of a compilation for the next pay-per-view… say, maybe, ‘A Tribute to Jim Daher- The Life and Times of NeedleDick’… how does that sound?”

Ace: “Sounds good to me… let’s get this done then.”

Cameraman: “In three….two…. one… action.”

Thurston: “We’re standing here in front of the old Daher homestead, where many of The Icon’s formative years were spent. Regrettably, the Daher family vacated these premises a few years back. However, we are hoping to get some information through the current residents and the neighbors, to get some opinions of what Jim was like.”

Thurston raps stiffly on the door. A voice is heard in the background, some sounds, and the door creaks open, revealing a man in his late thirties

Thurston: “Hello, sir, my name is Thurston Marshall, I am a field reporter for the GWA, and I was wondering if I could ask you some questions?”

Man: “Uh… sure, I guess… is this some news show or something?”

Thurston: “It’s for an expose that we are doing on a wrestler… What’s you’re name, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Man: “Greg… Greg LeMond…”

Thurston: “Pleased to meet you… anyways, do you know anything about the family that used to live here, before you bought the place?”

Man: “I really don’t know much… most of what we know we learned from the neighbors… although the last people, the Daher’s, they left some really strange stuff here when they moved out.”

Thurston: “Could you tell us any specifics, especially regarding their son, Jim? You see, he’s the wrestler who were doing this piece on and…”

Man: “Oh, he’s a wrestler? I should have figured. The small bedroom that we cleaned out and renovated had some old wrestling figures and there was even a poster behind… We found a lot of strange stuff while renovating that room.”

Thurston: “Such as?”

Man: “A lot of odds and ends… some pictures… some old ADD medications… some nudie mags…

Thurston: “What’s strange about that? I have a subscription to Hustler and Playboy.”

Man: “Umm… well, they were nudie mags featuring gay men… and some were of the pedophiliac nature… we turned them over to the police, who I think just burned them and didn’t bother going after the Daher’s for it. I mean, this is the south, so pedophilia is nothing… hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if this Daher’s mother was his cousin and his daughter too…”

Thurston: “I’m assuming from those comments that you aren’t from the south originally, am I not correct?”

Man: “Oh hell no, I’m from Montana originally… my job needed me to move down here. I can’t wait to leave this place. I really hate the smell of cow shit in the morning…”

Thurston: “So, can you tell us anything else about the Daher family and the residence?”

Man: “I’m afraid I really don’t know anything else… I’d recommend talking to the neighbors, they might be able to tell you something.”

Thurston: “Well, thank you for the help and the leads with the neighbors…”

Man: “No problem, sir…”

The man turns around and closes the door as Thurston motions to the cameraman to cut, which he promptly does. As he begins to pack up, Thurston and the other two walk back to the car.

Thurston: “Man, this is getting sicker and sicker by the moment… what the hell will the fans think when I break this story on Daher? His career could be ruined!”

Ace: “Oh well… so, how was Tiffany last night? I heard your bed squeaking for a good two, three hours…”

Thurston: “Oh, my brother, you exaggerate… it was only an hour of actual fornication…”

Ace: “That’s pretty damn good…”

Thurston: “Aye, and so was she for a Southerner… She had a nice ass, and a beautiful pair of tits… not too big, not too small, they were a nice firm handful.”

Ace: “So you going to try for two nights in a row?”

Thurston: “Now brother, you’ve known me for a while… what do you think?”

Ace: “I think I’ll plan on not being able to fall asleep until three in the morning…”

The cameraman returns to the cars, throwing the case in the back of the first one and climbing in. The others hop in the cars as well, which peel off down the street.