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Date Posted: 23:43:31 10/15/01 Mon
Author: Chris Carpenter
Subject: Korea...AGAIN!!



Public Service Announcement:"H to the Izzo.. B to the Izza.. Not guilty yall' got to feel me..."


~ The Olympic title.. The very title that has been thrown around the GWA like nothing.. Practically the quote on quote "slut" championship.. I mean, who HAS'NT held it?.. With nobodys like Sledgehammer and Rayne holding it, you might as well flush the damn title down the toilet.. That is untill a knight in shining armor brought great prestigue back to the championship.. He made the title go from meaning absolutley nothing, to meaning everything.. To mean everything everyone could ever want in their wrestling careers.. This knight is not just some chump.. This knight is the leader of the cult like worshiping Canadian Iconoholics.. Yeah, you've got it! It's "The Canadian Icon" Chris Carpenter who has brought great prestigue back to the Olympic Championship belt.. Much like when the Houston Rockets won the NBA Championship the year that Jordan left to play baseball, only to be shown as nothings the next year when Jordan returned and showed everyone whose the man.. Carpenter was the champion before his injury, much like the Bulls before Jordan leaving.. And now after returning Carpenter is once again the champion, also like the Chicago Bulls.. And well, much like the Chicago Bulls of that time were.. Carpenter is the best.. To steal a line from a little someone someone Carpenter's "The best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be".. "The Canadian Icon" looks to continue bring more and more praise to the Olympic Championship, which is practically of more prestigue then the Gladiator Championship because of having as much as a paper champion as Lost Worlds is.. He looks to continue is in a couple days when he faces off against the proclaimed "Eagle", Joey Jackson.. Carpenter and Jackson are pretty welll acquainted with each other after last weeks fluke of a win by Joey Jackson.. Jackson got lucky as Carpenter had a so to say "off day"..Jackson beat Carpenter, yes he did.. But, not for the title.. It was'nt worth anything to Carpenter so he didd'nt seem to well show up inside the ring.. At least the way he usually does.. At Insurrection this week Carpenter will have to show up.. He will have to show up to meet, greet, and defeat Joey Jackson inside the ring to keep the prestigue he brought to the Olympic Championship in tact.. The Olympic Championship belt that Carpenter wears on his very waist at the time being strolling down a dirt road filled with Korean markets roadside.. Carpenter walks with a grin on his face thinking of just how fun he is going to have two days from now showing Jackson up in the ring.. Carpenter sports a Andruw Jones jersey unbuttoned with a wife beater on, a pair of baggy kahki shorts, a pair of blue nike flip flop sandals, and a white nike visor on backwards... He struts a bit walking beside his so called good friends, Ty Jones and Scotty Williams.. Come to think of it Ty is'nt all that bad, actually Ty is a cool guy.. But Scotty, he just pisses the shit out of Carpenter every other second of the damn day.. Ty walks with a little bounce in his step for some reason or another, wearing a Fubu football jersey and some blue jean shorts.. Scotty Williams on the other hand is wearing a white Toga with some kind of weed on his ear and a pair of really old brown sandals on.. What a weirdo.. What a freaking weirdo.. Carpenter looks over at Scotty and chuckles a bit to himself as they walk down the almost bare streets besides the vendors themselves, those which continue to yell at the three men as they walk by.. The only thing is that Carpenter and the gang dont quite understand the language that well.. Make that not the slightest bit.. The three men continue walking down the seemingly endless market place looking at each individual vendor to see if it's whatever they are looking for.. Carpenter looks over at Scotty and shakes his head back and forth thinking of just how retarted Scotty looks..~



Canadian Icon: Your a weird one.. You really are...



Scotty Williams: Why's that?



~ Carpenter shakes his head back and forth a few times.. How could he even think that he's not weird..I mean, the mans practically Steve friggin' Urkle.. Or or.. Screech Powers.. He's just a freaking weird person.. If he does'nt realize it, well.. That just makes the sorry excuse for a human beeing even worse when you thought he could'nt go any farther in weirdness..~



Scotty Williams: I said, why's that?



Canadian Icon: Just look at your goofy ass..



Scotty Williams: I happen to like my ass.. Thank you..



Canadian Icon: Not literally you fucking moron..



Scotty Williams: Oh.. So you were'nt making fun of my ass..



Canadian Icon: Not your ass ass, no.. I was just making fun of you as a whole.. Not as a body part..



Scotty Williams: Ohhhhhhh..



Ty Jones: Yeah ya dumb suckah..



Scotty Williams: Heeey.. I'm not dumb.. What makes you think I'm dumb, you barley even know me..



Ty Jones: Barley know your suckah ass, my ass!!



Scotty Williams: What's that supposed to mean?



Ty Jones: I know ya quite well..



Scotty Williams: I've only known you for two weeks, how's that possible?



Canadian Icon: Actually.. I was kind of pondering on that thought myself..



Ty Jones: It's quite simple.. I'm a die hard Canadian Iconoholic..



Scotty Williams: Soooo.. What's that have to do with me?



Ty Jones: Everything, suckah!!!!



Scotty Williams: Ummm.. Please explain..



Ty Jones: Being I give mad props to good ol' Carp.. Big fan ya know..



Scotty Williams: What are you getting at..



Ty Jones: I've watched darn near everyone of his promos and matches since the brotha was in the Fans Wrestlin' Federation..



Canadian Icon: Ahhh.. I see.. I see..



Scotty Williams: I dont.. I still dont see what that has to do with me...



~ Ty Jones looks at Williams then makes eye contact with Carpenter and they shake their heads at each other then grin a bit looking back over at Scotty.. Wondering exactly how many times he was dropped on his head as a child.. That or how many times he was the victim of shakin' baby syndrom..~



Canadian Icon: God your stupid!... Just explain it to him in terms a Kindergartner could comprehend..



Ty Jones: Ight.. Ight.. Yo, Scotty.. It's like dis.. I watched all Carp's promos ya know..



Scotty Williams: Yeaah..



Ty Jones: And you.. Well, you like Carp's right hand mand.. So yer in bout' ninty percent of em'..



Scotty Williams: Ohhhhhh.. I get it.. I get how you know me pretty well then!



Ty Jones: Yeah.. I know bout the time you drank moose piss..



~ Scotty makes a disgusted face as he sticks out his tounge remembering the taste.. Carpenter chuckles a bit shaking his head..~



Canadian Icon: That was funny.. That was funny as hell..



Ty Jones: Almost as funny as the time you tried hooking the suckah up with women..



Canadian Icon:~Nods~ Yeah I remember that..



Scotty Williams: That was'nt cool.. That was'nt cool at all..



Ty Jones: Dat little black book was hillarious..



Scotty Williams: That thing.. I miss it.. I miss it greatly..



~ Something suddenly catches the eye of the Olympic Champion.. He quickly turns his head and stares in the direction of a small wooden shacks window.. Inside there is one man standing with numerous pretty good looking women, well for Koreans that is, standing inside.. They had to be the best looking ones Carpenter had seen since arriving in Korea nearly a week ago...He attempts to read the big yellow sign on the building, but cant get a grasp of what it says besides the word Korean.. He shakes his head and stops, noticing that bolth Scotty Williams and Ty Jones were back a few steps, stopped gawking at the women in the window.. Carpenter shakes his head a few times with a grin on his face as he lets out a deep breath..~



Canadian Icon: I dont think so fellas..



Ty Jones:~Turning his head to Carp~ Yeah, I knows what cha mean..



Canadian Icon: No ones going home with a Korean bitch.. Never know what kind of diseases they have over here.. Probably fucking mad cow disease because one weird woman had sex with a cow then a man and it was all history through that..



Scotty Williams: That's disgusting.. But still, I think we should check out to see why all those women are in there.. They might be watching wrestling or something interesting like it..



Canadian Icon: Fuck that, we've got more important things to do..



Scotty Williams: Like what?



Canadian Icon: I dont know.. But I'm sure there is something..



Scotty Williams: Come on.. Just look at em.. Nice firm bodies.. Nice and young..



Ty Jones:~Licking his lips~ You got that right, suckah..



Canadian Icon: Err.. Come on.. You guys dont seriously want to go in there.. For all we know it could be a Korean Castration facility..



Ty Jones: Ouch..



Scotty Williams: You have to be kidding me.. It's not like their that differ'nt then us..



Canadian Icon: The fuck they are!



Scotty Williams: The only difference is our language..



Canadian Icon: Only difference my ass.. North American people.. Well Canadians.. I mean, One Canadian is smart..



Scotty Williams: Shut up, Carp..



Canadian Icon: That was kinda corny, was'nt it?



Ty Jones: Just a tad, brotha.. Just a tad..



Scotty Williams: Come on Carp.. Lets go see what those women are up too.. I need a good woman..



Canadian Icon: Actually.. Come to think of it.. Maybe.. Just maybe, you might have a slight chance of getting a foreigner.. Just maybe.. A hell of a lot better chance then getting a American or Canadian..



Ty Jones: A slight chance.. Why in da hell do ya think dat, brotha?



Canadian Icon: It's quite simple.. The women cant understand what in the hell he is saying, so he cant sound stupid.. As for looking stupid fashionally.. Well, these damn Koreans have no clue what's "in" and what's "out" over in North America.. They have no friggin' clue..



~ Scotty's eyes light up hearing Carpenter's words.. And realizing that they are one hundred percent acurate..He looks over to Carpenter with his puppy dog eyes..~



Scotty Williams: Pleeeeeeeaaase....



Ty Jones: Damn dis suckah is a whiney lil' bitch..



Scotty Williams: Pretty pretty please with ice cream and cheese...



Canadian Icon: Ice cream and cheese?..



Scotty Williams: Yeah..



Canadian Icon: Disgusting! That's fucking disgusting!.. Maybe ice cream and cream cheese.. But sure as hell not Ice cream and any kind of regular cheese.. Like Swiss or Cheddar or American..That's just sick and wrong..



Scotty Williams: Fine then... With ice cream and cream cheese..



Canadian Icon: You've got me there.. Let's go..



~ Scotty begins whistle while you work.. You know that annoying song that the dwarves in Snow White sing.. Anyways all three men quickly pace over to the door of the small store with slight grins on their faces.. In Scotty's case.. A large one.. Anyways they stop at the door and Carpenter looks at Ty Jones then Scotty as he has his hand on the door handle..~



Canadian Icon: I better damn well get my ice cream and cream cheese or I'm gonna have to bust some asses..



Scotty Williams:~Nods smiling~Alright.. Alright..



~ Carpenter nods his head acknowledging Scotty's few words.. Carpenter opens up the door and the three men slowly walk into the dimly lit store that seems to be competley empty but a counter with a cash register and a bunch of Korean women... Women ranging from about 16 to almost 60.. They all quickly look over and gawk at the three men.. The men gawk back at the good looking ones that are all wearing pretty trashy outfits, but thegood part of them has to be that they show off the womens bodies.. The bad part of it on some.. It shows off their bad bodies! There is about a thirty second standing of silence because of the shock in bolth parties.. Carpenter breaks the silence talking very softly looking in the direction of the women.. All fourteen of them..~



Canadian Icon: English?.. Speak English?



Old Cash Lady: I speak English.. As for the rest of them, no..



Canadian Icon:~Sighs~ That makes me soo happy.. I was affraid I was going to come in here and here a bunch of jibberish spoken..



~ For some reason or another as Carpenter says that the thirteen other women begin wispering between each other looking in the general direction of the three men..~



Canadian Icon: My words just bit me in my ass..



Old Cash Lady: They seem to have.. Have'nt they..



Canadian Icon: Sure have..



Old Cash Lady: What brings you here?



Canadian Icon: I dunno.. We just figured we would stop by and check this place out..



Old Cash Lady: Are you kidding me?.. I surley know what brought you here..



Canadian Icon: You do?



Old Cash Lady: Yeah, I do.. The women, of course..



Scotty Williams:~Nods grinning~ Yeah! Women! Yeah!!!



Old Cash Lady: Well the general price for a bride is around a thousand dollars a month..



Canadian Icon: A bride?



Old Cash Lady: You dont know what this place is, do you?



Canadian Icon: Umm.. Not quite..



Old Cash Lady: This is a Bride ordering place.. Many males from the America's order women via mail or the internet to be their wives..



Canadian Icon: Are you serious!



Old Cash Lady: I am quite serious..



~ Scotty's eyes light up hearing the fact that you can actually BUY these women.. A Korean woman wearing a red tanktop and a pair of dirty kahki's walks up to Scotty and runs her hand from the top of his chest down to his waist.. She giggles then walks back over where she was previously standing as Scotty stands there with a large grin on his face, not moving a muscle as he stares at the girl..~



Canadian Icon: Well, I think we were mistaken.. We thought this place was a..a...a...a..



Ty Jones: A fast food joint..



Canadian Icon: Yeah, that's it!



Old Cash Lady: I'm sorry, but this is far from a restaurant.. Unless you consider Korean women appetizing..



Scotty Williams: I do! I do!!



Old Cash Lady: You and your dark friend here dont seem to be interested..



Ty Jones: Who you callin' dark, cracker?



Canadian Icon: Hey! Me and Scotty are the only crackers here..



Ty Jones: Not saltine, brotha!.. A frickin Ritz cracker..



Canadian Icon: Ohh.. Alrighty, dat's fine..



Old Cash Lady: Anyways, I'm gonna show your friend around.. He seems to be more then willing to take one of these lovley ladies home with him..



Canadian Icon: Sure he is.. Heck, he once sucked a donkeys dick..



Scotty Williams: Did not!



Old Cash Lady: Mister.. Let me show you out back where a majority of our women are..



Scotty Williams: Please do! Please do!



Canadian Icon:~Sighs~ Oh brother..



~ The old Korean lady from the cash register walks from behind the counter and leads the three men to a swinging screen door.. She opens it and the four of them proceed to walk outside where there are nearly a hundred women sitting on chairs doing this and that.. Scotty's eyes light up as he stares at a few VERY VERY young Korean's sitting on a blanket.. Scotty points at the two with his finger..~





Scotty Williams: Them.. How much for bolth of them..



Old Cash Lady: That would be twenty-five hundred dollar a month..



Scotty Williams: Are you kidding me! You cant be serious..



Old Cash Lady: Me very serious..



Ty Jones: I could go for a slank about now.. Dis is some weird ass shit here, Carp..



Canadian Icon: Yeah, it is.. Is'nt it..



Scotty Williams: Hey.. Do you have one that rythmes with slankin'?



Old Cash Lady: Slankin'?.. We have a Jenga..



Scotty Williams: That'll do..



Old Cash Lady:~Yelling waving over a woman~Jenga.. Jenga..



~ Scotty rubs his hands together in excitment as a very short Korean girl about twenty years old runs over in a skimpy white dress.. The Old Cash Lady says something to her in Korean then Jenga turns and looks at Scotty with her best puppy dog eyes..~



Jenga: Pweease mister.. Pick me, pick me..



Scotty Williams: Ummm.. I dunno..



Jenga: Me suck dick..



~ Scotty stands there in silence as his smile on his face continually grows larger..Carpenter and Ty stand there in disgust..~



Jenga: Me fuck you long hard.. Pweees mister.. Long hard.... Me have you children mister..



~ The words the young Korean says overwhelms Scotty beyond words.. He turns his head with a huge smile on his face and points at the girl nodding as he looks at the old cash register lady.. She sticks her hand out for money and Scotty reaches in his pocket and tosses her his wallet.. Scotty stands there looking at Jenga as Carpenter and Ty converse and the old cash register lady counts her money..~



Canadian Icon: OH......MY......FUCKING......GOD.. This cant be happening, can it?



Ty Jones: Is'nt dis illegal?



Canadian Icon: I would think so.. I mean, Scotty with anyone or anything has to be illegal..

Ty Jones: I get ya point, brotha..



~ Carpenter looks over at Scotty and Jenga, who at this point begin to make out in a disgusting tounge lashing manner.. Carpenter sports a disgusted look on his face, much like the one that Ty Jones has too.. Carpenter shakes his head looking at Ty..~



Canadian Icon: It's gonna be one hell of a plane ride home..



Ty Jones: No shit.. At least you've got something to think of, brotha..



Canadian Icon: What's that?



Ty Jones: Beating Joey Jackson to retain dat belt ya got round ya waist..



Canadian Icon: Ohhh.. Yeah..Thanks for reminding me..



Ty Jones: No problem, brotha.. That suckah dont stand a chance anyways..



Canadian Icon: I know it.. He has to realize that I'm not just an Icon, I'm a Canadian Icon..



Ty Jones: Fo sho... Fo sho...



Canadian Icon: I'm gonna beat him.. Yeah.. It's just that simple.. Oh Canada.. One, two, three.. It'll be like taking candy from a baby.. Why? Why people ask?.. Because I'm the Canadian Icon and I say so b'otch!!



~ Carpenter smiles shaking his head back and forth as the shot fades as he looks down at his Olympic Championship that sits on his waist nice and firm.. Where it belongs..~



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