God Bless America

(Oh, boy. Once again, Doom is booked against an egomaniacal rookie that didn't do his homework, calling Doom a sorry wrestler despite the mountain of evidence to the contrary, a mountain that Doom himself will sort out shortly. And what about Jim "The Icon" Daher's opponent, The Assassin? After gettin' his ass stomped by Bedlam, he seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth. Figures, doesn't it? All the BoV guys ask for is to be matched up with intellectual equals, and once again the GWA fails to produce anyone with an IQ higher than that of the average boulder. Intellectual opponents. Is that really too much to ask?)

(The scene opens up outside the Charlotte Coliseum in Charlotte, North Carolina. The camera is currently focused on the sign outside, which reads in bright lights, "GWA Wednesday Insurrection: SOLD OUT". The camera then pans down, spotting first a black GMC Suburban and a red Corvette parked beside each other, and second, leaning against the front bumpers of the cars, Doom and Jim "The Icon" Daher, Doom on the GMC, Jim on the 'Vette. The Icon is the first one to speak.)

Jim "The Icon" Daher: Greetings and salutations to you all once again! It is I, your hero and role model, the one and only Jim "The Icon" Daher, live and in color from the Charlotte Coliseum here in beautiful Charlotte, North Carolina! Tonight's subject: my foot, The Assassin's posterior, and just how hard the two will be meeting this Wednesday at Insurrection. Hey, Ass-man! Where you at, boy?! You haven't made so much as a whisper since Bedlam shoved that big size 24 of his up your ass, and now that I'm the number one contender to the Falconer Title, I've been practically salivatin' over the chance to match wits with whoever the bookers wanted to throw at me. But instead of a really worthy opponent, they give me somebody that's been...well, pretty much the BoV's personal punching bag for his entire stay. That's right, I'm talkin' about you, Assassin. First, Doom and our fearless leader Doomsday put you and Snoops down. Then, Bedlam drops your ass with the Satan's Fold. Guess what? I'm next. Ragnarok. Satan's Fold. Care for a taste of The Icon's Smackdown? Or are you so retarded that you don't think I can put it on a man your size? Well, hell, I can put my move on Bedlam - I've done it before during our little work-outs - so you won't propose a problem as far as cinching it in, lifting you up, and smackin' you down. Now, as for what kind of challenge you'll present otherwise...well, let's add it up. You have won...well, jack sh*t since signing with the GWA, whereas I am a former Falconer Champion and the current number one contender to the aforementioned Falconer Championship. Conclusion? I, Jim "The Icon" Daher, will personally show you, The Assassin, why I am the man, the myth, the legend, the only Falconer that matters, the summation of every man's aspirations, and the object of your girlfriend's masturbations as I drop you with The Icon's Smackdown right in the center of the ring and make that pinfall for the one, the two, and the three. I'll see you in the ring, Ass-man, so thank you, and have a nice FRICKIN' day.

(As if to serve as the period at the end of that sentence, The Icon crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow, giving the camera that famous confident smirk we've all grown familiar with. Doom chuckles, then speaks.)

Doom: Okay, my turn. Seems I've been booked against this new guy by th' name of Odyssey. Claims I ain't a good wrestler just 'cause I wear a diff'rent kinda outfit to th' ring. Hey. Od. Lean a little closer ta yer screen. Little closer. Just a little bit...there! Perfect. Ya listenin'?

(He looks back and forth, then looks back at the camera.)

Doom: I'm a former ten-time Hardcore Champion, a former Maximus Champion, former Olympic Champion, and former two-time Legion Tag Team Champion, punk! What in the hell have you done around here, huh?! Not a damn thing, that's what! So don't you dare call me a no-talent hack without winnin' at least two of the GWA's championships first, Rookie! You get me?! Good!! Now, with that outta th' way, lemme ask ya somethin'. What makes you think you stand a snowball's chance in hell of beatin' me, hmm? One victory? Well, pardon me while I tremble in my boots. Look, you beat Aaron Starr and Johnny Havok ta get yer first victory here, right? News flash: They're both part of the GWA's resident Jobber Patrol. Yep, all you beat was a couple'a guys th' bookers toss out there when they feel like boostin' a wrestler's ego. Yer in th' gunsights of one o' th' big boys, now, Od. Yer in th' gunsights of Doom, th' most hardcore sumb*tch in this whole damn comp'ny. I don't give a damn what you may or may not have done before comin' here. That wasn't GWA. Yer playin' around with th' best there is, now, little boy, and I guarantee that no matter how many times you promise ta spill my blood, the only blood you'll be spillin'...will be yer own. See yer ass Wednesday, chump. Make sure ya get that hospital room reserved.

(Doom and The Icon laugh, then get into their cars and drive off. The scene slowly fades to black.)

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