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Date Posted: 19:51:32 02/22/04 Sun
Author: anyasbuttmonkey
Author Host/IP: cache2-sot3.server.ntli.net / 80.4.224.5
Subject: All My Boardies - Episode 12: "Prophecy Schmophecy"

Previously, on All My Boardies...
Eury and RJA had an affair, and Shrub found out. RJA ordered a contract on her, and Toothy ordered Dandy to shoot Shrub. At the wedding, Kali announced to everyone that she'd known all along about Eury and RJA, and left them both to each other.

Crumpet returned, having had a sex change. She made a play for Salty, but LB got in the way. LB went home with Oracle, and a week later discovered she was pregnant.

Wolfram blew himself, and several others up, at Caritas. Among the dead were The Other SeaBoy, however freakily the baby survived. TomSmeagol, who had also survived, kidnapped a nurse and a doctor, and made a play for the baby. Wolfram, meanwhile, called to SeaBoy from the afterlife, asking him to bring him back.

After finding out that she was behind the hostile takeover, ABM and Dandy found themselves back together, and conspiring against their own friends and employers. Toothy revealed to AngelX that ABM was working with Dandy, but AngelX revealed to Toothy that they already knew.


And now, the conclusion...
SeaBoy is still standing in the hospital bathroom, talking to Wolfram. He asks Wolfram how this is possible, how he's still here. Wolfy says that he's not quite sure, only that he's trapped somewhere that isn't heaven or hell - and that he wants to get out, to get back. He knows what needs to be done, but he can't do it himself - without a corporeal form on this plane of existence, he can't affect things the same way SeaBoy can. And that's why he needs SeaBoy's help. SeaBoy asks what needs to be done, and Wolfram begins to explain, but halts. He looks up, confused. Then suddenly, a look of shock comes across his face. SeaBoy asks what's wrong, and Wolfram worriedly turns to him, telling him that he needs to get to the NICU right now. SeaBoy asks why, but Wolfy says he doesn't have the time - he'll see when he gets there. SeaBoy is about to leave, when Wolfy says that he should take this with him. SeaBoy asks what he's talking about, and Wolfy gestures - a gun appears in SeaBoy's hands. He looks concerned, but Wolfy tells him to hurry.

Over at Crumpet's apartment, she sits in her living room, confronted by Salty, LB and Oracle, all who are standing. LB wants to know why she's been doing this, and Crumpet asks her if its not obvious. LB looks at Salty, who realises that it's all about her. Crumpet says that without massaging Salty's ego too much, yes, it is. She came back hoping to start afresh with Salty, but found out that somebody had already mussled in on her turf. Salty objects, saying that she was never Crumpet's turf, especially after she walked out on her. Crumpet gives Salty a "whatever" face, and turns to LB, saying that if they'd just stayed apart, things would never have gotten this far. Oracle exclaims that Crumpet is behind the pregnancy, and Crumpet smiles at him, saying that he hides that brain of his well. She says that of course she's behind the pregnancy, like something like that would happen by complete coincidence. Salty asks why she did this, and Crumpet once again tells her that she just wanted Salty to herself. But LB had to complicate things. LB asks Crumpet how she managed to get her pregnant, and Crumpet smirks, saying that that's the fun part.

Over at the hospital, in the NICU, TomSmeagol is walking past a row of incubators. He's carrying a chart in his hand, and looks at each chart on the incubators - he's looking for the matching chart number. Eventually he finds it, and smiles. He clips his chart onto the side of the incubator, then slides the incubator onto a gurney. He is about to wheel the gurney out of the NICU, when a voice from behind him tells him to stop. He moves his hands away, and slowly turns, smirking - to find SeaBoy holding him at gunpoint. SeaBoy asks him where he's taking the baby, and TomSmeagol says that he's got a prophecy to fulfil. SeaBoy looks confused, and just then a nurse and some security guards come running up. They tell SeaBoy to put the gun down, and he tells them that he won't, not until "the good doctor" leaves, without the baby. One of the guards tells him that medical business is none of his concern, and move to take the gun away from him, but SeaBoy tells them to check the badge - that "doctor" isn't legit. Or good, for that matter. TomSmeagol looks as if he's about to reason with the guards, when suddenly he propels the gurney, with the incubator, at SeaBoy, and makes a run for it. The guards chase after him, as the nurse disarms a willing SeaBoy. He looks down at the baby, confused and shocked. As the nurse tends to the baby, who has woken up, and is crying, Wolfram appears over his shoulder. He tells SeaBoy that he doesn't know how it happened, how the baby survived. After a moment's silence, he tells SeaBoy that they have to make sure that baby doesn't live. SeaBoy turns, looking confused, and Wolfram says that SeaBoy has to kill it himself.

Back at The Board, Eury and RJA enter Gemma's restaurant. People turn from their conversations, and glare at them as they pass by on their way to the bar. As they get to two empty stools, the people sitting and standing next to them either turn their backs to them, or walk away. Eury tells RJA that there's nothing like a warm welcome. RJA looks at her, and says that he's sorry. Eury waves the apology away, saying that it's nothing to worry about, but her face says it all - she's crushed. Gemma comes up to them, and asks what she can get them. RJA asks her how come everybody knows what happened. Gemma says that news travels pretty quickly around here, and it wasn't long before everybody knew of the wedding-that-wasn't. She tells them that nobody's impressed with them, and that she overheard two of Eury's clients discussing taking their business over to Phaedra. Eury sighs, and says that they wouldn't be the first. Literally half of her clients have jumped ship in the aftermath. Gemma says that she isn't going to pass judgement, after all she's made mistakes too - but a lot of the people here aren't that open about things. She says that this freeze-out is going to last a while. She pauses, and again asks what she can get them. Eury says not to bother, as she gets up to leave. RJA grabs her arm, and asks why she's leaving. Eury says that it should be obvious, and turns to leave again. He says that it shouldn't matter, none of them should matter. Eury says that it shouldn't, but it does. RJA whispers to her that as long as the two of them are happy, everyone else can get stuffed. She thinks about this for a second, then asks if they can go home anyway. He picks up his jacket, and tells her that they can do anything. He kisses her forehead, as they walk out.

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[> .... -- anyasbuttmonkey, 19:52:33 02/22/04 Sun (cache2-sot3.server.ntli.net/80.4.224.5)

Over at Crumpet's apartment, LB is demanding that Crumpet tell them how it all happened. Crumpet just sits there, smiling up at them, until Salty slaps her round the face. She looks down at a shocked Crumpet, saying that if she does love her, she'll tell them what happened. Crumpet says that there was no need to get physical. She looks over at Oracle, and asks him if he remembers that night they spent together. Oracle says that he wishes he didn't, and Crumpet says that it wasn't exactly world-rocking for her either. But she kept the... protection. It played a vital role in her plan. Oracle gapes, stammering, asking Crumpet if that means the baby is actually his. Crumpet says that it is, but it isn't LB's. It's an internet-bought ovum. She got in contact with a woman who was selling her eggs, and bought a load. She got in contact with an old friend, who fertilised them for her. Once one was selected as a success, she put her plan into motion. She was really lucky that LB went home with Oracle, it made her plan that much better. Crumpet says that she followed them home, and slipped GHB in their water. LB looks up, and says that her window was open. Salty asks what that has to do with anything, and LB says that she never has her window open, but that it was open when she woke up. And the GHB explains why she can't remember anything. Crumpet says that then it was just a matter of implanting the egg inside LB, which didn't take too long. Salty, LB and Oracle stand in shock, until Salty slaps Crumpet again. She says that she doesn't know how Crumpet thought that would win her over, but that she really misfired on this one. She leans down, and tells Crumpet to get out, leave The Boards forever. She storms out, followed by LB, who is crying. Oracle simply stands there watching Crumpet. He tells her that she's going to pay for what she's done, as he follows the ladies out. Crumpet watches them go, saying that if she's going down, she's taking prisoners.

In AngelX's office, she, Stormy, Simon and Toothy are sitting around her desk. Stormy asks if Toothy is sure this is going to work, and he says that this is foolproof. AngelX says that they had better move along with it, she doesn't like this. Simon asks what she's referring to, and she says that she doesn't like dealing with murderers. Toothy smirks, asking how Shrub is these days. Stormy looks hurt, and AngelX solemnly says that she's the same. After a moment's silence, Toothy says that they really shouldn't blame him for that. AngelX asks why not. He says he was merely carrying out an outside contract, that he never had anything against Shrub. AngelX asks then why kill her, and Toothy says that he didn't do the deed, he could never. But they have operatives, people put in place for those reasons. Stormy asks Toothy if he'll tell them who wanted Shrub dead, and he smirks, saying that maybe he will, for a price. AngelX says that she doesn't want to go there again, she isn't selling up. Toothy throws his hands up, saying that it's her loss. But then, if everything goes down tonight as planned, they won't need to know who wanted Shrub dead, as they'll already have the killer. AngelX and Stormy look at each other, and Stormy breathlessly says Dandy's name. Toothy looks at Stormy, smiling.

Back at the hospital, SeaBoy is being escorted back to his ward by two nurses. Behind them, the two security guards walk. Wolfram appears once again next to SeaBoy, asking him when he's going to do it. SeaBoy doesn't say a word, but flinches when Wolfram draws in closer. Wolfram says that he understands it must be done, and SeaBoy nods his head subtely. Wolfram asks again when he's going to do it, and SeaBoy slyly shakes his head. Wolfram says that if he's worried about TomSmeagol, he shouldn't be - the guards chased him out of the hospital. He won't be back for a while. SeaBoy is finally at his bed, and the nurses and guards walk off. SeaBoy instantly turns to Wolfram, and whispers angrily that he won't kill a defenseless baby. Wolfram says that he has to, otherwise... Wolfram trails off, looking into the distance. He urgently looks back at SeaBoy, saying that he has to go for a while, but that he'll be back - and that SeaBoy really needs to think about doing what's right. Wolfram fades away, leaving SeaBoy staring into thin air. He clambers back into bed, and stares up at the ceiling.

Dandy is speaking on her cellphone. She and ABM are arriving back at her motel room, with ABM on crutches. She tells Toothy that she'll be waiting, and hangs up. ABM asks what's going on, and Dandy says that Toothy's paying her a visit later that night. ABM will have to go soon. He says that's not a problem, he's just glad to be spending some time with her away from that hospital. They sit on the bed, and kiss, when suddenly, the door busts open. Dandy and ABM look up in shock, but there's nobody there. Dandy runs to the door, frantically telling ABM to hide. He looks around, and decides to hide under the bed. Gently, he clambers down, wincing as his leg bends slightly. Dandy looks out the door, and sees Toothy and Simon standing there, in matching suits. She gulps, and waves them in. Toothy asks if they were interrupting anything, but Dandy says that she's just here, on her own. Under the bed, ABM listens, when suddenly he notices a large box to his side. He looks at it in the dim light, then shifts around to get a closer look. In the room, AngelX and Stormy join Dandy, asking her to have a word. Under the bed, ABM stiffens when he hears the voices, but continues to slowly, and quietly, unlock the box. AngelX asks Dandy where "he" is, and Dandy flusters saying she doesn't know what they mean. Under the bed, ABM is just about to open up the box, when suddenly the covers lift, and a beam of light shafts in - he sees the five of them looking down at him. Dandy looks worried, seeing that ABM has his hands on the box, which contains the sniper rifle. ABM smiles up at them, meekly saying hi.

Over at Eury's house, she and RJA are lying in bed. She wonders if they can ever get back to normalcy, and RJA says that he doubts it. Eury asks him if he is willing to give up all that, just for her. He kisses her, and says that she's worth it, and more. Eury smiles, and says that she's glad he feels the same way. They fall asleep.

At the hospital, SeaBoy is wondering the halls late at night. He eventually arrives at a specific ward, the NICU. He pauses at the swing doors, exhales, then walks through them. As he walks past various rooms, he finds the one he's looking for. Entering it quietly, he makes his way over to a one of the incubators. Inside is The Baby. He looks at it for a second, solemnly, then opens up the incubator, and pulls the baby out, cradling it in his hands. It looks up at him, making baby gurgles and playing with his finger. SeaBoy looks to the side, crying, as he makes to snap the baby's neck.

At Eury's house, she wakes up, jolted awake by the sound of a car. She looks out the window, and sees car headlights driving away. She rolls over, and goes to hug RJA, when she notices he isn't there. She calls out to him, but there's no reply. She props herself up in bed, and notices a hastily-written note on the bed. She picks it up cautiously, and reads it. All it says is, "I just can't." Eury puts the note down, sobbing.

Over at Salty's house, she and LB are sitting on the sofa, LB lying in Salty's arms. They both have been crying, and there's an empty bottle of wine on the counter, but only one glass. LB asks what's going to happen now, and Salty says that she doesn't know. She looks down at LB, and asks what she wants to do about the baby. LB is silent, but eventually utters that she doesn't know. Today's events have really thrown her. Salty says that she doesn't have to decide anything now, there's plenty of time before... as Salty trails off, LB matter-of-factly states that it's 5 weeks before the cutoff point for abortions. Salty says that was what she was leading to, and LB says that she needn't be so gentle about it. She's a big girl, she knows what her choices are. She sits up, and looks at Salty, who says that as long as she knows she won't have to go through it alone, whatever she chooses. LB smiles, asking Salty if she means it. Salty smiles, and kisses LB. Just as they kiss, the front door smashes in. Salty gets up urgently, and is confronted by Crumpet, carrying a gun. She points it at Salty, and says that they didn't honestly expect she would just leave town, just like that. LB asks why she's here, and Crumpet wonders if everyone in The Board is so goddamn retarded. She motions to her gun, and asks LB what does she think it looks like. She looks back at Salty, saying that she's sorry things had to be this way. She pulls the trigger, and the gun fires.


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[> [> Next time, on "All My Boardies"... -- anyasbuttmonkey, 19:53:45 02/22/04 Sun (cache2-sot3.server.ntli.net/80.4.224.5)

It's an all-new season for AMB, but unlike other shows, we give a crap about our cliffhangers. So...

Who did Crumpet shoot? Will SeaBoy go through with the murder? What will happen now that Dandy and ABM's secret association has been revealed? And will Wolfram be brought back from the afterlife?

Find out tomorrow, when the all-new season of AMB begins!!


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[> Okay. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! -- LB, 20:14:24 02/22/04 Sun (82-35-43-113.cable.ubr02.camd.blueyonder.co.uk/82.35.43.113)

Well, kinda glad that I didn't sleep with Oracle (no offense, Oracle, but that l'il Y chromosome just ain't my thing;), but instead I was fertilised with a pipette?! Ick.

Poor SeaBoy! No, he mustn't. Well, actually he should cos, you know, end of the world and all.

**pats Eury on shoulder**

So, was RJA fleeing because 'he just couldn't' or because his part in the shooting of Shrubbery was about to be uncovered?

'Hi.'

Aww. Slight understatement, but still, awww. Can't imagine our ABM ever being meek though.... ;)


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[> Whoa, what a cliffhanger! I'm...I'm shocked, I tell ya! -- veggieburger, 20:39:15 02/22/04 Sun (s89641-2.savvis-internet.uslsan3-bsn.savvis.net/209.223.191.18)


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[> Toothy and Simon in matching suits!!! -- Dandy, 21:15:47 02/22/04 Sun (pool-162-83-234-253.ny5030.east.verizon.net/162.83.234.253)

That's so funny......ooh, and I have a cellphone,,,,,and other people besides me have guns! (but mine's still the biggest....size really does matter)

"ABM meekly says hi" *tee hee*


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[> LOL...*smirk* -- toothy, 22:45:58 02/22/04 Sun (netcache-3004.bay.webtv.net/209.240.205.63)

You know, you Can get everything on the net these days.

load of eggs...check
used condom....check
turkey baster..check
surogate mom...check

You've got me down pat, I do smirk alot!


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[> rja. what a bastard. and how hard am i laughing at toothy and simon's matching suits? -- gretch, 23:27:09 02/22/04 Sun (cvg-65-27-148-162.cinci.rr.com/65.27.148.162)

poor seaboy. the most sensative out of all of us...gah...i bet he doesn't kill the baby. right? right?!

and how 'bout salty getttin' some slapping in on crumpet. i love it!


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[> Now what, if any, connection do we believe our Ben might have with Glory? -- Oracle *is slow on the uptake* ;Þ, 02:14:07 02/23/04 Mon (dial-65-127-73-25.ctesc.net/65.127.73.25)

LB wrote: Well, kinda glad that I didn't sleep with Oracle (no offense, Oracle, but that l'il Y chromosome just ain't my thing;), but instead I was fertilised with a pipette?! Ick.

None taken, Sugar. After all, double X's frighten the hell outta me. ;Þ

See, this is a perfect example of why vasectomies should be performed at birth - like circumsitions! If you're serious enough to have it reversed when you get older, then you deserve to have children. It would put an end to "any idiot can Father a child" state of affairs we currently live in.

Wait . . . did I just call myself and idiot? Oh, well. Fits well enough I guess. ;Þ

Oh, and poor Carrie! I mean "Eury". Berger broke up with her on a post-it. Oops! I mean "RJA". *grins villainously*

And, I gotta say, I started laughing so hard at the "Previously on All My Boardies . . ." I almost didn't get around to reading the rest. The part that's between the commas in the first sentance of the third paragraph is VERY important to the meaning!

*ROTFLMAO*

New Season! Yipee! Will the premier be just as exciting as the finale? I'm all, like, . . . ooooooooooooo.


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[> [> Oh. My. Ghaa. -- Wolfram9999, 07:15:05 02/23/04 Mon (cs6668132-32.austin.rr.com/66.68.132.32)

I didn't read the previously on.

BWAHHHAHHAAAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!! *clutches sides*

Oh, it's good to laugh again.


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[> [> Bwhahahahahah!! Just read the 'previously...' -- LB, 15:26:26 02/23/04 Mon (82-35-43-113.cable.ubr02.camd.blueyonder.co.uk/82.35.43.113)

Is that even physically possible?


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[> [> [> Oh my LORD.... -- anyasbuttmonkey, 16:00:01 02/23/04 Mon (cache2-sot3.server.ntli.net/80.4.224.5)

I can honestly say I did not set out for that to happen.

But what the hey? No harm, no foul....


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[> Eury and RJA...shame shame shaaame. -- Wolfram9999, 07:17:55 02/23/04 Mon (cs6668132-32.austin.rr.com/66.68.132.32)

Just be glad I'm Ghost!Wolfy right now, or I'd have to knock some sense into your collective cheating assi.

LOL along with everyone else at ABM's "hi."

I have several theories about what the deali-o is with my spectral incarnation...but I think I'll keep them to myself just to see if they come true. *eyebrow raise*


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[> Re: All My Boardies - Episode 12: "Prophecy Schmophecy" -- TheStormCellar, 13:37:56 02/23/04 Mon (vikingcue.dialup.supranet.net/66.170.7.8)

Why do Toothy and I keep exchanging weird glances? Is there something going on there?? Hmmm.....

*sits down with popcorn to await the next installment*


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[> I don't wanna be a baby-killer!!! -- SeaBoy, 15:30:15 02/23/04 Mon (D-128-95-40-229.dhcp4.washington.edu/128.95.40.229)

Can't I just leap to an alternate dimension and raise the child there?!?!?!

Wolfy, is that really you? I think it is some evilness (like my recently deceased clone taking over your image). But just in case, what sort of "special tricks" can you do?

Man RJA is a RAT, that R-A-T!!! He and Crumpet should get together.


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[> I don't want seaboy to be a baby killer either!!!! :( -- Gemma, 18:29:58 02/24/04 Tue (dialup-244.205.220.203.acc01-fred-lau.comindico.com.au/203.220.205.244)

Damn that Gemma why didn't she use her psychic powers and tell Eury to run!!
Although with all the pregnancy's that's been happening I'm wondering if they have Gemmadisease- The ability to fall pregnant without even thinking about it ;)

ROTFL at ABM meekly says hi. I can imagine you all cramped up under that bed, getting caught and the little wave that goes along with the Hi as you think Crap!

Onto the next as I weant to make sure SeaBoy isn't a killer :)


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