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Date Posted: 00:12:59 10/02/02 Wed
Author: Z
Subject: SS: The Perfect Guy

This was an english assignment, which I've decided to share. I'm finally taking english, my most dreaded subject, but anyway, here goes:


The Perfect Guy
How could he do that to me, Tazia thought, lying limply on her bed. With great effort she raised her head to look out the window. The scenery outside matched her feelings. The sky was a dismal gray, the clouds blocking any glimmer of the sun. They looked as though they would let loose their torrential downpour any second, but dared not because too many drops had already fallen.
With every beat, her heart seemed to ache more and more. Tazia longed to become numb to her emotions. She knew the second she gave into her thoughts, the reality of the situation would be right there waiting for her.
The shrill sound of the telephone cut through the silence in the small apartment. Tazia inhaled slowly, forcing oxygen to enter her lungs. Her long blond hair was spread out on the bed, covering her face and arms. With a huge sigh, Tazia managed to overcome her mental paralysis and raise her hand to answer the phone.
"Hello?" Tazia mumbled in a barely audible voice. The receiver seemed to be as heavy as a brick between Tazia's hand and ear.
A masculine voice hesitantly responded, "Taz?"
Tazia felt her breath get caught in her throat as the voice resonated in her head. Her grasp on the phone loosened and she almost dropped it. The voice sounded distant, almost as if Tazia had imagined. "What do you want?" Tazia's tone was cold and monotonous.
"I was thinking we could talk, maybe?"
"I have nothing more to say to you, Justin. Just leave me alone." Tazia knew that if she talked to Justin, if she started thinking about Justin, tears would undoubtedly start streaming down her face. Tazia hated that Justin had the power to make her either deliriously happy or pathetically sad. She wanted to be stronger than that. If nothing else, Tazia wanted to walk out of the situation holding the reigns.
"Please, Taz, can't we just talk? I told you I'm sorry and I mean it. If I could take it back, I would. I would give anything to erase my mistake." Tazia closed herself off to the pleading tone in Justin's voice. If emotions got involved, there would be no way for her to hold her ground.
"Justin, I think it would be better if we not talk, at least not right now. I just want to be by myself and I hope you can respect that. Good bye." Tazia set the phone back on its cradle and slowly turned herself over onto her back. Her entire body ached from her emotional pain. If it were possible, Tazia would switch off her mind and stop the screaming echoes of her conversation with Justin.
"Tazia, there's something I have to tell you."
Tazia squeezed her eyes shut, attempting to push the memory out of her head, but to no avail.
"Before I say anything, I just want you to know that I love you and I'm sorry."
Tazia remembered feeling immense concern for Justin, worried about what he might say.
"I love you too, what's wrong?"
After that, Justin said those awful words. He sat right in front of her and told her that he had spent the night with another woman; just some random woman from a club. That's what made it even more disgusting. Justin had jeopardized their entire relationship over a woman he didn't even have any feelings for.
"Taz, I'm really sorry, I am. I guess I had too much to drink or something, I didn't even know what I was doing," Justin had said over and over again, trying to plead his case.
As soon as Tazia heard Justin say that he had been with another woman, a dull roar had filled her head.
"Don't come near me. I need time to myself," she had said quietly. Her calm demeanor had stilled Justin in his steps and surprised herself as well. On the inside, a wide range of emotions had raged as Tazia had struggled to make sense of her world.
Tazia shook her head disgustedly at the memory. Unwanted mental images made her sick to her stomach. A picture of Justin's long fingers sprawled on the woman's back as their lips met intimately flashed in Tazia's mind. She envisioned the woman's fingers running through Justin's dark, spiky hair. She didn't want to torture herself with those thoughts, but Justin had made that impossible. Tazia had given Justin her heart and he had managed to stomp on it and shred it to pieces. As Tazia lay in bed, she remembered back a few weeks ago when she had been so happy to have Justin.
Tazia sat in front of the computer, working diligently. She finished the work for that day as well as the next days, but there was still half an hour left before quitting time. Everyone else in the office seemed to have called it a day already as they mulled around, trying to get the clock to move faster, but Tazia believed in being efficient and never letting her work pile up. Besides, it was easier to go through all the files when she didn't stop to socialize like the others.
"Who is this handsome guy?" Tazia looked up to see Lindsay, her cubicle neighbor, picking off a picture of Justin from the wall.
"My boyfriend," Tazia answered quickly, never taking her eyes off the computer screen.
"Are you serious?" Lindsay asked incredulously. "How come none of us have ever heard of him before?"
"Never came up, I guess."
"Trust me, a guy like that gets mentioned even if it's not the topic at hand. You should bring him by sometime."
"Yeah, maybe I will."
Tazia politely took the picture from Lindsay's hands and placed it back on the wall. She gave Lindsay a small smile before returning back to her work. Lindsay took the hint and retreated back into her cubicle. Tazia never mixed her personal life with her professional one because she saw no reason to.
The phone on Tazia's desk rang and she picked it up on the first ring.
"Tazia speaking."
"Tazia, I'd like to see you in my office before you leave," Mr. Taylor, the supervisor on the floor, said in a brisk manner.
"Yes, sir. I'll be right in." Tazia hung up the phone and stood up. Grabbing her jacket, Tazia straightened her suit out as she approached Mr. Taylor's office. She tried to figure out what he could possibly want with her, but nothing came to mind.
She stopped in front of his office and knocked gently before opening the door.
"Come in!"
"You wanted to see me, sir?" Tazia hung by the door, hesitating to step in.
"Yes, yes. Have a seat. There's something I need to speak with you about." Tazia slowly sat down in the seat indicated by Mr. Taylor and waited for him to continue. Mr. Taylor pulled out a file and opened it up before speaking again. "You were in charge of the Garcia file, weren't you?"
Tazia thought back to the past few weeks and the name rang a bell. She also remembered that she had been assigned to work on that file, but had later been instructed to delegate her responsibilities to the new staff the company had just hired.
"Yes, sir I was, but-"
"I am severely disappointed in the poor work you put in." Mr. Taylor said, interrupting Tazia.
"But-" Tazia tried to speak again, to clarify her position, but Mr. Taylor refused to give her the chance. With a sigh, Tazia sat back and allowed her boss to berate her on her incompetence. It would be simple to lash out at him, but Tazia knew that would be a futile gesture. No one liked being told that they were wrong was a prime example of such a person. Everything would be clarified in the next couple of days, but if Tazia got into an argument with Mr. Taylor right there, her job might be in jeopardy.
"From now on I expect you to complete your duties with the level of quality that this company is known for. That is all. You can show yourself out." Mr. Taylor dropped his gaze to the papers on his desk, signaling to Tazia that the conversation was over.
Tazia stood up and walked quietly out the door. She yearned to share her thoughts with Mr. Taylor on the topic of the company's level of quality, but forced herself to bite her tongue. Fuming, she walked to her cubicle and gathered up her belongings before heading to her car.
As she reached her car, the cell phone in her purse rang and Tazia juggled her belongings to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Taz, how's my girl?" Justin's voice reached Tazia's ear and she smiled a little bit. His voice was probably just what she needed most after her meeting with Mr. Taylor.
"Justin, hey. I'm okay, how are you?" Tazia quickly changed the subject from herself because she didn't want to drag Justin down with her.
"Are you sure?" Justin asked, ignoring Tazia's question. A tone of concern laced his voice.
"I'm fine. I'm just really tired," Tazia lied.
"Okay. Well, I'll let you drive in peace then. Get some rest."
"Bye." Tazia tossed the phone on to the passenger's seat and drove home in an angry silence. She resented her boss's verbal lashing and she resented herself more for not saying anything. Before long, Tazia founder herself standing in front of her apartment door. Unlocking the door, Tazia stepped inside and dumped her belongings on the floor. Tazia regretted not inviting Justin over. He would have definiately put her in a better mood. As she stepped into the kitchen for a glass of water, a knock sounded on her front door.
Tazia slipped off her shoes and headed back to the door to find out who was on the other side. Through the peephole Tazia saw Justin standing with his hands behind his back and a sly grin adorning his face. With a puzzled amusement, Tazia opened the door and stepped aside to let him in.
"What are you doing here?"
"What happened at work?"
Without even thinking, Tazia began to respond with the automated answer of nothing, but was interrupted by Justin.
"Don't even try to say nothing, because I know something happened. I brought dinner for us and we're going to have an indoor picnic while you tell me, missy. Oh, and I've got all night." Justin stepped into action and set up the already prepared meal. Tazia just stood by the door watching him dreamily as she thanked her lucky stars to have him in her life.
The next morning, Tazia lay in bed for an hour after the sunlight had decided to take pity on her restless sleep and filter through the blinds, hoping to fall back asleep, but sleep eluded her. Moping around, reliving the agony wouldn't get her anywhere and she had no desire to stay in the same frame of mind she had spent yesterday in. Energy surged through Tazia's veins and she realized that she no longer wanted to be the victim in this situation. Tazia pulled herself out of bed.
Tazia grabbed clothes and a towel before heading into the bathroom. She decided that a hot shower would be a good way to cleanse her body and mind. A knock on her front door made Tazia abruptly stop in her tracks and turn around.
Standing up on her toes, Tazia looked through the peephole and froze. She put her hand out against the door to steady herself and regain her senses. Justin stood on the other side of the door with his head hung low. Tazia's heart almost leapt out to him, but she stopped herself, remembering his betrayal. Reluctantly, Tazia undid the chain and pulled the door open. After being with him two years, Tazia knew it was better to let him in since he was too stubborn to give up and leave.
"What are you doing here?" Tazia leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
"I came to talk to you." Justin's eyes landed on everything except for Tazia's gaze. He wanted to find the words that would make everything better, but he couldn't think of anything to say except for apologizing over and over again. "Taz, please don't shut me out. I'm really really sorry."
"I'm not the one that did the shutting out, Justin. And I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to talk."
"Taz, we can't not talk. I mean, we can, but it's not good. I know what I did was horrible so I'm ready to hear anything you have to say. Go ahead, yell at me, hit me if you want to, I deserve it." Justin paused and looked up at Tazia. "Can I please come in?" he asked hoarsely. When Tazia didn't budge, he hesitantly stepped forward. Slowly, Tazia ushered him inside. "Tazia, I am sorry."
"So am I." Tazia sat down on the edge of the sofa, staring stiffly out the window.
“You have no reason to be."
"I do. You have no idea what's going through my head." The man who knew her better than she knew herself was no more.
"Then, tell me. Talk to me." Justin hated himself for causing the beautiful girl in front of him to crawl back into her shell.
"I can't. I can't talk to anyone anymore. Not you, not my friends, not even my family." Tazia felt tears starting to well up in her eyes. Justin indiscretion had left her isolated from anyone she cared about. It was almost as if she was ashamed for what he had done.
"Yes, you can, you can talk to me. Please talk to me."
Justin continued to send pleading looks towards Tazia and she knew her resolve was diminishing. She had never believed in not talking things out. For once Tazia wished that she could act on the raw emotions that were raging inside of her, but there was always this voice in the back of her head, this annoyingly right voice, telling Tazia that if she did, she'd only end up regretting it later on. Tazia never wanted to regret any of her decisions.
"How can I talk to you when you're the one that hurt me? You wanted to update me last time, remember? An update is something like 'Remember when I said I like anchovies? Well, I really don't," Tazia began bitterly. The words were spouting out of her mouth, getting faster and faster. "Telling me you slept with someone else two months ago is far more than an update."
"I know," Justin said with a sigh. "But I had to tell you. I couldn't keep lying to you anymore." Justin stepped closer to where Tazia was sitting. She flinched at his movement and Justin backed away. He fell onto the couch, cradling his face in his hands.
"You promised me you would never let anyone hurt me, Justin. You couldn’t protect me from the one person who could hurt me, you. How can I face my friends now? What am I supposed to tell them?" Tazia jumped from one topic to the next, saying whatever came to her mind. When the thought of her friend's reactions hit her, she began feeling the nausea she had felt when Justin had first told her what happened. Tazia became silent for a minute before another thought crossed her mind. "Why did you tell me now? Two months after it happened. Is it because we're going away for the week with your friends? "
"No! What are you talking about?" Justin said, dropping his hands from his face.
"You know what I mean. One of them might have ratted you out. Don’t you see, things are different now.”
“How?”
“Well it just seems weird being around you right now.”
“Does that mean you don’t want to go anymore?”
“Yes. I mean no, I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Okay.”
“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? Okay??”
“You know what? I don’t want to talk to you anymore,” Justin said suddenly.
“Excuse me??” Tazia was pouring her heart out to him and that was all he could say. Tazia wanted him to know the pain she was feeling. She wanted him to experience the agony of having his support crumble beneath him. He had apologized profusely, but it wasn't enough for her.
“We’ll talk later,” Justin said, heading to the door. He had apologized over and over again, but Tazia didn't seem to want to listen. He stood up quickly and headed for the door.
Tazia watched the man she loved walk out of her life. Memories of the times they had shared rushed through her head. Tazia was still hurting and she was far from getting over Justin's indiscretions, but she knew she didn't want to spend her life with out him. Realizing her mistake before he walked out of her life for good, Tazia rushed after Justin.
"Justin, wait!" Tazia called out breathlessly. He was pushing the button for the elevator as she entered the hallway.
Justin turned his head and waited for Tazia to continue. She took a second to catch her breath and Tazia’s heart yearned for him to reach out and envelop her in a huge hug. He stayed still.
"I think that we're both confused," Tazia began slowly. "And there are a lot of things that I'm not sure about, but I think it would be nice if we could talk."
"I'd like that a lot," Justin said softly. Justin gingerly placed his hand on the small of Tazia's back. When she flinched at the contact, he pulled back. The two headed back into Tazia's apartment for a long day of talking.

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