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Date Posted: 12:23:09 12/11/00 Mon
Author: Stu
Subject: Out of Line: Episode 4

Presenter: Hello Ladies and Gentlemen. As it is a costumed, It is now time to say Bye... I’m Sorry, I’m getting confused about things. It’s time to say Hi. Not bye. Let me sing you a little song about the difference between the two. Just to start off the show.

Song: Well,
At the beginning we say hi,
when we’r leaving we say bye,
I like chicken pie,
on rye,
my oh my,
I shouldn’t lie,
qNone of this is really important because soon enough we all die.

Presnter: And now we’re going to start the show.

(two men walk past each other.)
first man: what’s your name?
Bob: Bob. And yours?
Willy: Willy.
(both men are silent for a moment)
Willy: you wanna make somethin’ of it?
Bob: what?
Willy: Right, that’s it.
Bob: Please sir, nothing has happened. You can’t bloody well start a fight about nothing.
(Willy punches bob in the face)
Bob: Right, making something…of it!
Willy: Choose your weapon.
Bob: Bazooka!
Willy: Sausage!!!
Bob: what?
Willy: I said… “Sausage!”
Bob: Right. GO!!!
(willy hits bob with sausage repeatedly)
Bob: BASTARD!!!
(Bob blows off willy’s head.)
Bob: Damn Mexicans.
(and bob walks off.)

(cut to skit of Curious U. Tree)

G.B.: Hello. I am Curious U. Tree. It has been said that I was a crack addict. This is true. I was addicted to crack. However I am now clean. *sniffs his hand* I no longer take crack *sniffs his hand again*. It has also been said that I was an alchoholic. I was, though I no longer am one *pulls a flask out of his jacket pocket and takes a swig*. IT has also been said that I was involved in a drunk driving incident. I would like to blame this on an identity crisis, though I can’t actually think of an excuse. After all this said I would like to say, I also think we should have corporal punishment. I believe in an eye for an eye and a lege for a leg. I also believe that the teaching of the old saying; two wrongs don’t make a right, should be banned.

(cut to scene of mandancing a jig-type thing.)

Man (as he dances): Hello. I am the crazy man who dances a jig type thingy. Wouldn’t you love to dance a jig type thing? Don’t hide it. I know you want to. How could anyone resist dancing a jig type thing? It’s just so jiggy! It’s such a jiggy type thing! LET IN TO THE POWER! You know you want to dance! You know you want to! GIVE IN TO THE POWER OF THE JIGGY-DANCE THING!

(cut to scene of Mike Tyson)

M.T.: Lennox Louith I’m coming for you. When I meet you in a fight Louith I will dithtwoy you! I am the human townado! Everythiing that thtands in the way of Mike Tython will be oblitewated! Weacently many people have been thaying that I am ovewated. I would like to thay that if anything I am undewated. Tho, fow all you people out therewho thay I am ovewated, I will thow you all what Mike Tython is weally made of when I dethtwoy Lenox Louith. Louith, the thark ith coming fow you!

(cut to scene of two gerbals standing infront of a convertable.)

Gerbal1 (Snowball): Nice New wheels Fluffy.
Gerbal2 (Fluffy): Yeah, I love me new wheels Snowball.
Gerbal1 (Snowball): Yeah, they’re great, and I know I just said I loved ‘em, and I do, but... Aren’t they a little small? I mean, how are you meant to run in wheels that size?
Gerbal2 (Fluffy): Well the way I see it, you have to stick eahc of your feet in its own wheel.
Gerbal1 (Snowball): OH! Well... wouldn’t that stretch your legs apart pretty far?
Gerbal2 (Fluffy): Yeah well, I manage.
Gerbal1 (Snowball): Oh, that’s cool.

(Cut to scene of a man with a shopping cart running down the street.)

ShoppingCartman: HONK HONK! Get out of the way! Broken Horn! Get out of the way! Honk Honk.
Man1: Stop yelling honk, you’ll wake the children!
ShoppingCartman: HONK HONK!
Man2: Stop your waking people!
ShoppingCartman: I can’t I haven’t got a horn of this shopping cart and if I go under 50 miles per hour the shopping cart will explode!
Man2: YOUR INSANE!
ShoppingCartman: I AM NOT! HONK HONK!
Man2: You’ve lost your bloody mind!
ShoppingCartman: I have not!
Man1: Think of the children! Won’t somebody please think of the children!

(man stops running)

ShoppingCartman: Listen...

(the shopping cart explodes.)

(flashes to two men talking.)
Jim: So, what do ya think bout that stock market?
John: You mean the thing with “Gumbi”?
Jim: Dammit, John, no, I don’t mean the thing about “Gumbi”. Why do u always think things are about “Gumbi”?!
John: I dunno, I guess it just seems that way to me.
Jim: Dammit, John!
(Cut to next scene.)

Voice: And now, anoter exiting adventure for... SUPER FAT MAN!

S.F.M.: OH MY GOD, SOMEONE FORGOT TO PUT SALT ON THERE FRENCH FRIES! MY GOD!

(cut to a persons house. A man is sitting at a table about to take a bite of a French Fry. Super Fat Man apears.)

S.F.M.: NOOOOOO!!!!!!

(Super Fat Man knocks the fork out of the mans hand.)

Man: What the hell are you doing?

S.F.M.: Saving you.

( Super Fat man pours salt all over thsa mans fries.)

Man: What are you doing?

S.F.M.: Salting your fries. So they taste good, if I hadn’t they would have tasted... BAD!!!

Man: I’m allergic to salt!

S.F.M.: What?

Man: You ignorant, fat, lard bellied, fatso!

S.F.M.: How dare you talk to me like that!

Man: You disgusting cellulite ball!

S.F.M.: That’s it!

(Super Fat man tries to punch him but him extreme weight pulls him down.)

Man (looking at S.F.M. laying on the ground): You disgust me.

(cut to scene of a men in parliment standing around a large fire.)

Man: all in favour of burning this Bob Saget poster say I!

Men: I!

(Man drop it in the fire)

Man: All in favour of burning this Barbra Strisand CD say I!

Men: I!

(Man drop it in the fire)

Man: All in favour of burning this Kenny G record say I!

Men: I!

(Man drop it in the fire)

Man: All in favour of burning this poster of the queen say I.

Men: I!

(Man drop it in the fire)

Man: All in favour of burning this hundrd pound bill say I!

Men: I!

(Man drop it in the fire)

Man2: You know the last two things we bruned?

Man: Yes.

Man2: I think they make us fellons.

Mam: oh.... oh shit. Boys... I.... I think we might have to pay attention from now on.

(cut to skit of a man in court)

Judge: Jonathan Wildacot, you have been accused of murder we have decided... you can leave when your ready...

Jonathan: Yeah!

Judeg: IN HANDCUFFS!

Jonath: Oh.

Judge: we have decided that you will be tried in another court!

Jonathan: YEAH!

Judge: IN TEXAS!!!!!!!

Jonathan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Cut to scene of Who wants to be a millionaire.)

Host: You’ve just won, one million dollars!!!!

Man: YES!!

Host: are you sure you want it?

Man: of course I want it.

Host: Is that your final answer?

Man: Of course that’s my final answer.

Host: This is your last chance. You can still let us keep the million dollars.l

Man: NO! It’s mine.

Host: are you sure you want it?

Man: Yes!

Host: This is your last chance to say you don’t want it.

Man: I do want it.

Host: Did you just say you don’t want it!??!?!

Man: no, your insane.

Host: You can still turn back.

Man: Give me the check!

Host: If you want I can tear up this check and you can leave empty handed.

Man: NO!!!!

Host: Are you sure?

Man: ye... actually, you can keep it.

(the man leaves.)

Host: well that’s never happened before.

(cut to scene of spider man at a press conference.)

S.M.: I have decided to give up my job as a super hero.

Interviewer: Can you tell the people why?

S.M.: Because of an extreme fear of death and hieghts.

Interviewer2: I think the people want to know what profession you will take up?

S.M.: I think I might become a bank clerk or a professional lounge singer.

Interview: Who will battle crime while you are gone?

S.M.: I think that can be left to Hong Kong Fuey or Inspector Gadget.

Interview3: Would that be smart considering the fact that they both suck as crime fighters?

S.M.: I think they’re both compatent.

Interviwer: Um... no they aren’t.

S.M.: This interview is closed.

(cut to scene of Santa Clause)

S.C.: Hello y’all. A HO-HO-HO from the South PO-PO-POLE! HAHAHAHA! Why’ld the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! HOHOHHOHHOHO! What’d...

Man: We can’t submit the audience to this! It’s crap!

S.C.: For saying that word your going on santa’s naughty list!

Man: Shut it fatty!

S.C.: That wasn’t very nice! Santa Clause is now angry.

Man: You aren’t Santa your just an actor!

(Santa breaks down and cries.)

S.C.: It’s true! I don’t even like cookies and I’m lactose intolerant!

Voice: That’s right, Santa’s lactose intolarent, so this christmas I think Santa wants a beer.

(cut to sketch. A man is vacuming a house.)

Man: Hello. This must look strange to you.
*In Song*
I know this must look strange.
A man in an appron vacuming the flore.
I know you must be turning to leave through the door.
But I was once a man like you,
House cleaning was not the thing to do.
But now I’ve changed,
and the world’s changed too,
a man can clean,
a man can watch a movie starring James Dean,
all of which I’v seen.
I started to clean,
because of smoke coming from my sons room,
but now my sons gone to the real world where he will undoubtedly meet his doom.
but for know I can’t worry all I can do is wash,
something to do with orange squash.
So leave me in self pity now,
or we will undoubtedly have a row,
GOOD-BYE!!!

Presenter: And now it’s time to say Hi... DAMMIT! Sorry. Now it’s time to say Bye.

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