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Date Posted: 12:24:16 12/11/00 Mon
Author: Stu
Subject: Out of Line: Episode 5

Presenter: Hello It’s now time to start the...

(the screen goes blue.)

Voice: We interupt this message from the presenter of Out of Line to ring you a message from Curious U. Tree political genious!

(go to seen of Curious U. Tree)

Curious U. Tree (he has white residew on his upper lip): Hello people. I Curious U. Tree, want to be President! *sniff hand* You see I am a good man. *sniffs hand* I will not let you, the people *sniffs hand* down. So when your voting, *sniffs hand* remember this message. *sniffs hand* and remember that if you vote Curious U. Tree *sniffs hand* Your planting a seed. *sniffs hand*

(sudden;y Curious U. Tree has a heart attach.)

(cut to blank screen)

Voice: And now back to the presenter of Out of Line.

(cut back to presenter.)

Presenter: As I was saying... the show.

(cut to skit of a wise man.)

Wise Man (Italian Accent): Hello, I am a Vise Man. And here are a few ting I say.
He who riot the ozone, tend to have good hair.
If a teacher asks u a question ven you're in trouble, if u answer you're in more trouble, though if you don’t dey yell it even louder.
if u jumped off a building, vouldn't it be a bangin' vide till u veached the bottom?
Vouldn't it be a better tongue twister if de Voodchuck didn't CHUCK vood?
Vhy DID the chicken cross de road?
If you crossed a shi-tzu vith a bulldog, vould that be animal abuse?
Vhy do people like chihuahuas?
Vas the dachsund a joke?
If you vere an alien, vouldn't the human nose look like a tumor on some disguisting furless creature?
Who came up with the idea of getting milk from cows?
and You know zose tiny pineapples? Vhat vit dat?
Vell, until next time, chow.

Voice: Pangaea pet. The only pet thet break into five large pieces and many smaller ones!

Song: Pa-pa-pangaea!

(cut to the pilsburry doughboy)

Doughboy: I make cookie and other baked goods!

(Giant finger pokes him)

Doughboy: HEHE! I also make rolls and bread, which are technically baked goods.

(Finger pokes him)

Doughboy: HEHE! Please stop. You see I make things for ovens.

(Finger pokes him)

Doughboy: HEHE! That’s it! I’m through! I’ll never sell your bread products again!

(The finbger rams itself through his stomache)

Doughboy: HEHE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OW! The pain! The pain of it all!

(A group of Dead, Live, ex and present politicians are standing in a room.)

Presenter: If a group of Dead, Live, ex and present politicians are standing in a room what do you think they are thinking Here is our take on the subject.

Clinton: Monica, you said it was a good night!

Henry the Eighth of England: Wow. I had a lot of wives for a fat guy.

Boris Yeltzin: I wonder if that’s a wine staine on Gorbachev’s head? If it is can I get drunk from licking it?

George Bush: A thousand points of light, thats a lot of light!

Nixon: WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!?!?!?!??

Dole: Is there actually anything going on in my head?

George W. Bush: What does my middle initial stand for?

Perot: How could I loose to Clinton!?!?!?!? A man who had an afair while still President!

Tony Blaire: I can screw up the Prime Minister’s house for the next Prime minister and he’ll still have to live in it!

Gore: Damn people from Florida can’t count!

Gorbachev: OH MY GOD I HAVE A THING ON MY HEAD!

(Cut to scene of some people in a playground. Theres a boy in blue jeans and a tee-shirt standing there (Mike). A boy aproaches him.)

Boy: HI! Mike!

Mike: Hi! (cough) Dork (cough)

Boy: What?

Mike: Nothing (cough) Bullshit (cough).

Boy: Do you need some water?

Mike: Oh no I’m fine (cough) Go away (cough)

Boy: I’m just gonna go over there.

Mike: Yeah, (cough).

(A girl aproaches)

Girl: Hi Mike!

Mike: Hi! (cough) babe (cough)

Girl: What?

Mike: Oh nothing, I’ve just got a cough. (cough) busty (cough)

Girl: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

Mike: Nothing. I have a cough. (cough) hot as hell (cough).

Girl: I’ve, um, got to go.

Mike: O.k. (cough) damn you for leaving me (cough)

Girl: WHAT!!?!??!

Mike: I said, “Have fun”.

Girl: Oh.

(cut to next skit of Bob Saget and a lady with an over done face lift.)

Bob: Hi I’m Bob Saget amd this is Judy.

Judy (high pitched voice): HI!

Bob: And this is america Dumbest Things Cought on tape. Due to a recent law we are forced to tell you that most of the things your about to see, weren’t real, nor were they spontaneous. Now as it’s known today is a special day, isn’t it Judy.

Judy (high voice): It sure is Bob.

Bob: Yes today is the day when were pick this years Dumbest Thing, cought on tape. Here last years winner.

(It shows a home video of a man being hits in the testicles with a baseball bat.)

Bob (fake laugh): HAHAHAHA!

Judy (high pitched fake laugh): HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

Bob: And here are this year top three dumbest things cought on tape.

( Shows a video of a man being kicked in the testicles, then a man being punched in the testicles, then a man being hit in the testicles with a hockey stick.)

Bob: (fake laugh) HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Weren’t those great? Yes they were and now to read the envelope with the winner in it is Judy!

Judy: And the winner is...... HOCKEY GROIN!

Bob: (fake laugh) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And that’s all for America’s Dumbest things cought on tape, until next time, Goodbye!

Judy (high pitch voice): Good-bye!

(cut to skit of a lady in a court.)

Judge: Miss Sinthia Fussy, you will now apear infront of the court to discuss you law suit.

Ms. Fussy: It’s not a suit it’s a dress!

Judge: NO! Not your outfit! The law case, you must talk about who and why you are suing people!

Ms. Fussy: Oh! I’m sorry! I hear to sew the writter of the childrens book, Curious George, for two billion dollar, because I think it’s unappropriate to have a childrens book starring a promiscuous Monkey!

Judge: Ms. Fussy, the monkeys inquisitive not promiscuous. Court Finesin favour of the author.

Ms. Fussy: That’s only my first proposition! I would also like to sew the criator of Mario, the Nonetendo game, beause it featured walking talking, magic mushrooms!

Judge: They aren’t that type of magic mushroom Ms. Fussy. Court fines in favour of the Ninetendo company.

Ms. Fussy: Then I would like to sew the Pez candy Company for making the name of there candy sound like the word, I don’t even like to say it myself, the word piss.

Judge: The candy is called Pez, P-E-Z and it doesn’t sound remotely like the word piss.

Ms. Fussy: I have one more case. I would like to sew the creator of the car part, the piston because if you put a space in the word it spells Pissed On!

Judge: Ms. Fussy, Pissed on is spelled, p-i-s-s-e-d o-n. Piston is spelled p-i-s-t-o-n.

Ms.Fussy: Well I guess I’ll be leaving then.

(blanks screen)

Voice: And now it’s time for The Al Gore Show!!!

(cut to Al gore standing in a game show room.)

Al Gore: Hello! And welcome to another addition of the Al Gore Show! The Only game show hosted by a politician! We have four contestents compeating for the Al Gore Show special prize; 300 hundred dollars and a life time of Vote Gore stickers! Now let me introduce our four contestents! Mike Tyson!

Mike Tyson: Hello Al, I’m here to hopefuwy win da thwee hundwed dollarth.

Al Gore: And Bill Cosby!

Bill Cosby: Ha Ha! I’m gonna win that money, I’m gonna win it for the sake a jazz music.

Al Gore: And John Madden!

Madden: Wow! I haven’t seen an politician steep THIS low since Nixon!

Al Gore: And Kid Rock!

Kid Rock: I ... AM... GONNA... WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Al Gore: Well! Here are the categories: People President Clinton Banged while I was Vice, Men I hate, People who don’t deserve to be President and Whos better Myself or Bush. But before we start, let’s dance Makaraina!

(Gore’s dancing the makaraina to no music and everyone looking ast him.)

Al Gore : Lets start the show. The choice will Go to Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby: I’ll choose the Jazz category!

Al Gore: I’m sorry that is not a category. The choice goes to Madden.

Madden: I choose Men You hate.

Al Gore: O.K. Whoich man with big ears, whos father had big ears and was president, do I hate!

(Madden beeps in)

Madden: Oh! That pass was as fast as a camuter jet!

Al Gore: I’m sorry that is the wrong answer. The question Gos to Kid Rock.

Kid Rock (grabbing Testicles): I... SAY.... IT’S... GEORGE.... W.... BUSH!!!!!!!

Al Gore: That is the correct answer. Kid Rock chooses category.

Kid: I.... CHOOSE... PEOPLE.. . CLINTON... BANGED... WHILE... YOU... WERE... VICE!!!!

Al Gore: Al right. What blue dress wearing women did Clinton Bang?

(Bill Cosby Beeps in.)

Bill: Jazz Music!

Al Gore I’m sorry that is wrong, question goes to John Madden.

Maden: Wow! I can’t believe he’s still alive! How’ld he take thast hit.

Al Gore: I’m sorry but that was completely irrelevent. Question goes to Kid Rock.

Kid Rock: I.. SAY... IT... WAS... MON-I-CA... LA-WIN-SK...

Al Gore: I’m sorry you took to long to answer. The Question goes to Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson: Monica Lywinthky?

Al Gore: That is correct! Unfortunately that is all we have time for on the Al Gore show. The winner by most points should be Mike Tyson but I’ve decided I don’t like that outcome so we recounted the point and the new winner is Bill Cosby!

Bill Cosby: Jazz!

Mike Tyson: What the hell? I one that fair and thquare! DIE!

(Mike Tyson Runs over and bite off Al Gores ear.)

(cut to scene of Two men in extravagent dress, feather boas, platform shoes, pink sparkly suits, and pink top hats.)

Juan De Fuca: I am Juan De Fuca, Pimp of Mexico!

Oi Vey: And I am Oi Vey, I’m big wit da bambinos!

Juan De Fuca: Stop talking ‘bout da bambinos eh? You sound like a buro.

Oi Vey (with hand in back hand position): Ey! You wanna make something of it senorita?

Juna De Fuca: Don’t be startin’ something Senior Buro!

Oi Vey: You just jelous because da bambinos like me more!

Juan De Fuca: Listen Senior Buro, Senior “mucho bambino!”, de only thing you do to bambinos is scare them!

Oi Vey: You asking for it Juan!

Juan: Señor “soy tal máquina del sexo”

Oi Vey: ¡Salchicha!

Juan: ¿Que?

Oi Vey: ¡tiza!

Juan: You are loco Oi!

Oi Vey: ¡Pelo del lápiz!

Juan: LOCO!

Oi Vey: yo soy tan impresionada con la guerra mundial

Juan: Your going Loco Senior Buro!

Oi Vey: ¡Pizza Del Queso Por favor!

Juan: LOCO!!!! Senior Buro! Senior Loco! Senior Loco Buro!

Voice: Tune in next time for: ¡Dos pimps locos una gran demostración!

(Cut to the presenter)

Presenter: And now it’s time for the funniest of all the skits, the......

(fade to black)

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