| Subject: Like Father, Like Son: Sequel to the Library, Chapters 7, 8 & 9 (End) |
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Jaron
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Date Posted: 19:33:06 12/03/01 Mon
In reply to:
Jaron
's message, "Like Father, Like Son: Sequel to the Library" on 19:17:10 12/03/01 Mon
Like Father, Like Son: Sequel to the Library, Part Seven
May 30, 1998
Keep talking, she scribbled on her clipboard. I nodded in acknowledgment.
So we continued to communicate on two levels. I talked out loud about my life with
Rene and we wrote down what we really wanted to say. Madeline got an earful of
Renes every move, his school projects, and his friends. Nikita and I spoke without
words about her, but mostly about Michael...
The picture she gave me of Michaels life without Rene saddened me beyond words.
She hadnt known much about Rene, just that Michael had a son and that the boy had
died. It was only when Madeline called her in for a briefing that she had learned
about Rene and me. Madeline had threatened her with cancellation if she spoke to
anyone, especially Michael, about her mission to gather intel, as she phrased it, on
Rene and me. Nikita told me she had already decided to keep her meeting with me
secret from Michael. I dont think he could stand to know that Rene was alive and
that he couldnt see him, she told me.
I think he may already know, I wrote on my legal pad. I told her about the man in
black I glimpsed at the airport. How could he stay away if he knew, she scribbled.
You know, she continued, once Walter, a friend, told me that after Simone died that
Michael just shut down, shut out everyone and everything. Maybe by shutting out
every thought of Rene is the only way that he could survive. Thats Michael, I told
her, I saw that in him, too, after Simones death. I think he wanted to die, but I told
him he would survive. And I think he did because you came into his life. I noticed a
difference in him and then he told me about you. He seemed...hopeful and some of
the shadows were gone from his eyes.
She told me that it took her a long time to recognize that Michael cared about her.
When I first met him, she wrote, I was terrified of him, but as I got to know him, I
could see the pain in those fathomless green eyes, but it was easier for me to think of
him as someone with no soul, with no feelings for anyone. I was carrying around a lot
of pain myself and I had to take it out on someone and usually that someone was
Michael. He manipulated me so many times, but only recently have I started to
understand that every manipulation, every lie, was his way of saving me. I was always
so impulsive. If it hadnt been for Michael, I know now that I would have been dead a
long time ago. The people we work for are pretty unforgiving, but Michael always
seemed to be there to take the heat for my messes.
Nikita looked at me and continued writing. Michael communicates with his actions
and now I know how difficult it has been for him. I needed more than he could give
me.
And what was it that you needed? I wrote, even though I think I knew what her answer
was going to be. She stared into my eyes, the tears welling up in her blue eyes. I was
right.
I needed him to tell me how he felt and he hasnt been able to do that, yet. I need the
words. The closest he ever came was after a mission where we posed as husband and
wife. He told me that he couldnt tell me what I wanted to hear, at least not yet.
Another time, he told me that he never realized how much he needed me. She
stopped writing and the threatening tears started to run down her cheeks.
You love him, I wrote in my turn, and now I know that he loves you as well. As she
leaned her head on my shoulder and I could feel her tears as they soaked into my
blouse.
Suddenly, she sat bolt upright and seemed to be listening to a voice not present in
the room. I have to go! she told me as she gathered her things and stood to leave.
Madeline says she is very happy that you are taking such good care of Rene.
I dont care what Madeline thinks, I told her as I gave her a hug and showed her my
legal pad on which I had written, Take care of Michael and watch his back! She smiled
and mouthed without a sound, I will.
For Madeline, I told her, I wish you could tell Michael and Walter that I send them my
love, but since I know you cant, just give them both a big smile when you see them,
for me.
Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open when I mentioned Walter. You know
Walter? I almost laughed out loud at the expression on her face.
Yes, I confirmed, I know Walter. Isnt he the biggest old teddy bear?
She almost giggled as she furiously wrote one more time on her clipboard, YOU ARE
GRACIE? WALTERS GRACIE? I nodded and waited as she scribbled, he once told me
that a woman named Gracie was someone he could have spent the rest of his life
with. When I asked him what happened, he just said, Circumstances, Sugar, just
circumstances beyond my control. I think he really liked you.
I really liked him, I wrote back to her. Remember to give him an extra big smile for
me. She nodded her head, and walked toward my front door.
Turning, she hugged me once more and said, Take care of Rene and yourself and
perhaps the next time Madeline needs someone to check up on you and Rene, she
will choose to send me. She hugged me again and walked out the door. She turned
before getting into her car and smiled at me one last time and then she was gone.
Another link with Michael had been severed...
Like Father, Like Son: Sequel to the Library, Part Eight
May 30, 1998
Rene often had nightmares about losing his parents in the first weeks that he was
with me, but after a while, the nightmares came less frequently. They didnt stop, but
more often now, he slept through the night, untroubled by the bad dreams.
One night, I heard him call out in his sleep for Daddy! and it was then that I heard a
soft murmuring. Someone else was in Renes room. As quietly and as quickly as I
could, I moved down the hall toward his room. As I got closer, I could hear someone
singing softly. It was a lullaby.
As I stepped into his room, a figure was standing over Rene brushing a stray lock of
dark hair from his brow. The figure pulled a chair from the corner of Renes room to
a place right next to Renes bed. He sat down in the chair and silently watched as
Rene finally slept quietly, the soft rise and fall of his chest attesting that the
nightmare had been chased away.
I stepped up behind the man in the chair and put my hand on his shoulder. He never
moved, but accepted my touch.
Do you hate me for taking Rene? I asked nervously.
I could never hate you, Grace, Michael answered with a sigh. If I cant be with
Rene, you are the only other person I would want him with. He put his hand on mine
as we stood silent watch over the child that we both loved beyond reason. Finally, I
knelt down by Michaels chair and we gazed at one another before looking back at
Rene, holding hands in a companionable silence that drew into the night as Rene
slept on in an untroubled sleep.
We talked quietly through the night. After a while, we moved to the kitchen and as I
fixed a pot of coffee, I told Michael everything I could remember about the last year
and a half of Renes life with me. he hung on every word, his green eyes glistening at
all of the lost moments with Rene. Like any proud parent, I had saved every
memento, every picture, every school project that Rene had brought home from
school. I had always hoped that one day Michael would be able to see these things,
and now, here before me, he was carefully examining each item as I handed them to
him.
May I keep this one, Grace? he asked as he held up a silhouette of Rene that had
been cut out of white paper and pasted on a piece of black construction paper. This
had been one of Renes projects when he was in the first grade.
Michael, of course, you can have anything that you see here. I said, my heart aching
for him. Is there anything else? What about this? This is one of my favorites. I
handed him a small blob of hardened clay with one small thumbprint pressed into the
clay, capturing forever Renes six-year-old print. Need a keychain? I said brightly.
Thank you, Grace, he whispered, accepting the keychain and closing his fingers
around it tightly.
When the sky outside started its inexorable voyage to dawn, Michael got up to leave.
He walked back into his sons room. I watched as he touched Renes cheek, sighed
heavily and started to move away from his sons bed.
Michael? I ventured, somehow not expecting an answer, but continuing to hope.
When will you be back?
I dont know, but I will try to visit again soon, he looked up at me through his long
lashes and smiled, I can keep track of you and Rene through our system, but I will
also try to get away for short visits. He smiled sadly, as if remembering a long ago
hurt. A friend of mine, actually Renes namesake, once told me that its not enough
to keep track, that you have to see them. He was wrong about a lot of things, but on
this one thing, he was so right. I have to see Rene, if only for brief moments. Grace, I
just want to thank you so much for taking Madeline up on her proposition. I cant
imagine Rene growing up with strangers. Im so glad he is here with you. This way I
know hes safe and will be loved very much. Hi said this as he put his arms around
me and embraced me for what we knew might be the last time. But I had thought
that before, so I smiled in the hope that he would be back, even if it meant moving
heaven and earth to do so. The Michael I knew was probably capable of doing just
that.
Michael, I whispered as I hugged him back, I met your Material, I met Nikita. I felt
him stiffen and pull away from me.
She knows about Rene? How? I explained and told him that she had said that she
wouldnt mention it to him, that it was up to him to tell her about Rene in his own
time.
Michael, shes beautiful, and has such a kind heart. And Michael, she loves you so
much, I whispered, searching his green eyes for a clue to how he really felt about
her. I found that truth in his eyes as they began to glisten. I saw his love for her and
I was glad for the both of them. They needed each other. Two halves of a whole that
I hoped would carry them through the rest of their lives. I saw too the pain in
Michaels eyes, but I hoped that together they could persevere and continue to be
each others strength.
Michael smiled a small sad smile and said, I cant love her. She is my weakness.
No, Michael, she is your strength. Remember, I once told you that I saw something
different in you when you came to me the year after you lost Simone? I could see it in
your eyes then and I can see it now. Trust your heart, Michael! I told him as we left
Renes room in the dim light before dawn. Trust yourself!
Ill try, Grace. They dont make it easy for me, but I will try. He enveloped on more
time in his arms and said quietly, Ill come back when I can. Take care of Rene and
yourself.
Always, Michael, always. You keep yourself and Nikita safe, I said as I watched him
move towards the door. And Michael, say hello to Walter for me, tell him I miss him
too.
Always, Grace, always. He smiled and then he was gone.
Like Father, Like Son: Sequel to the Library, Part Nine
May 30,1998
The next day at breakfast, Rene was very quiet. He finally looked at me and said,
Mom, my Daddy was with me last night. I had a bad dream and he was there. He
sang me one of our old lullabies and then he tucked me back under the covers.
Rene, you Daddy will always be with you, I told him. He will always be right here for
both of us. As I said this, I placed one of my hands over Renes heart and another
over my own heart. And he carries us and your Mommy in his heart always.
I know hes always in my heart, Mom! He looked at me with Michaels eyes and said
again, my Daddy was here. He knows Im alive, doesnt he?
Yes, Rene, he knows, but he also knows that his presence is dangerous for us and so
he cannot visit openly. It would be dangerous for him as well. You cannot tell anyone
about his visit. We may be watched, so he has to be very careful.
Will he come again? he asked.
He said he would try, but its best if you dont get your hopes too high, I told him
sadly. Your Daddy does important work. Remember the story that I told you on the
plane when we first came here?
I watched him nod. Sometimes, Rene, the dragons are real. They are people who
want only to hurt and destroy. Your Daddy has to fight these dragons, these bad
people, everyday. And just like the dark prince in the story, your Daddy is not always
free to do what he wants. The people that he works for want him to focus on the
dragons, and if he has that focus, he will be safer than he would be if he always was
worried about us. So, we have to be strong for him. Can we do that, Rene?
Yeah, Mom, we can do that! I smiled to see the steely determination in Renes jade
green eyes. I sighed.
Like Father, like Son.
The End
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