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Subject: 99 Things to Do to a Naked Man


Author:
Innocent Female
[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
Date Posted: 15:54:32 12/27/01 Thu

Actually, it's only ten, but 99 sounded better. These are courtesy of men who wrote to Cosmo. They say.


9. Nibble my lower lip when you kiss me.

18. If you have long hair, let it down and sweep it along my entire body, from my face to my chest to my navel...on south.

23. With your lips practically touching my ear, whisper the naughtiest deed you'd spring on me if you had the nerve.

31. Wear a dress when you're out with me with nothing underneath. Then tell me there's nothing underneath.

35. Suck my finger as if you're doing it to, um, another body part.

41. Wake me up with oral sex.

53. Drag me into the bathroom at a dive bar for some hot, dirty, stand-up sex.

59. Keep the lights on!

74. Suck on an ice cube just before licking my nipples.

88. Just before going down on me, put on some really dark lipstick so that I can see everywhere your mouth has been.


What do you think the other 88 things are?

And did you know that these people have a message board devoted entirely to oral sex?

http://boards2.ivillage.com/cgi-bin/boards/csgoingdown

I've only just discovered this. I haven't read any of the comments yet. I'm not sure I really want tips from women on this particular issue. I just stumbled across it and thought I'd share.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: 99 Things to Do to a Naked Man


Author:
WN
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 16:13:22 12/27/01 Thu

Action Sports (109)
BDSM (2,488)
Bestiality (92)
Breasts (1,977)
Butts (684)
Feet (937)
Gay@ (560)
Incest (81)
Infantilism (18)
Inflatables (34)
Lingerie (1,376)
Midgets (32)
Pregnant and Lactating (503)
Smoking (290)
Smothering (61)
Uniforms (607)
Watersports (895)
Wet Clothing (16)

So much to choose, so little time...found from basic search on "fetishes." Now, I, for one get very excited over piercings with red hot searing knitting needles in the genitalia...but, hey, that's just me. Nipple clamps attached to 12 volt car batteries are a big plus also.
[> [> Subject: Re: 99 Things to Do to a Naked Man


Author:
IF
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 16:24:57 12/27/01 Thu

I once woke up with a note in my hand that said "thanks for the nipple clips." I never did figure out what that was about. I only stopped in there for one drink anyway. :)
[> Subject: the other 88...


Author:
ShyGuy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 13:33:55 12/28/01 Fri

Something we would have to discuss in private, just between you, me and.....well, enough till we are in private..
[> Subject: 60 things to not say to a naked man


Author:
aileen
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 13:39:53 12/28/01 Fri

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
[> Subject: Innocent, have you...


Author:
ShyGuy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 13:50:43 12/28/01 Fri

All of those sound great. A man would not be a man if that didn't get his blood boiling. Have you tried any?
[> [> Subject: I plead the fifth of tequila.


Author:
IF
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 13:55:44 12/28/01 Fri

[> [> [> Subject: pass the lime and scoot over...


Author:
ShyGuy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 14:12:22 12/28/01 Fri

Do you know the difference between making love and eating pizza?
[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: pass the lime and scoot over...


Author:
IF
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 14:13:44 12/28/01 Fri

>Do you know the difference between making love and
>eating pizza?

Uh...what?
[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Great, I'll order the pizza


Author:
ShyGuy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 14:17:30 12/28/01 Fri

Have a great new years and don't drink too much bug juice.
[> Subject: Re: 99 Things to Do to a Naked Man


Author:
IF
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 14:35:35 12/28/01 Fri

I actually have the magazine. I don't know why as it is not one I usually read, but maybe the 99 things caught my eye at Wal-Mart or something.

I've been reading the other 88 things, and I'm too embarrassed to copy them here. You should just get your own copy. December Cosmo.

Anyway, it seems to all boil down to show up anywhere he is naked, almost naked and/or wet, and touch any part of your body to any part and/or parts of his body. It seems to help if you talk dirty while you're at it. Mirrors, lip stick, silk panties and so on are optional.

Do you think I'm reading these guys right?

One guy wanted his girlfriend to straddle him and read to him. Watcha think he wanted her to read? "I will not eat green eggs and ham"?
[> [> Subject: Men are easier to arouse than...


Author:
ShyGuy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 14:41:44 12/28/01 Fri

Some guys might get a little wierd with their demands.

Your typical guy is visually stimulated for sure and has much more imagination. Subtle suggestions (sucking finger) or visual cues (wet and rubbing body) are a sure fire way to wrap a man around your finger.

Just make sure you get yours first because if he is too fired up he'll be twitching in less than a minute!
[> [> [> Subject: I'm Taking A Cold Shower


Author:
Engorged
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 15:48:09 12/28/01 Fri

[> Subject: Men are from the Quarter, Women are from the Garden District


Author:
IF
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 12:45:56 12/29/01 Sat

Something to do with a naked woman

--Bring me a glass of wine while I'm taking a bubble bath. Shave my legs for me. Rub them down with lotion afterwards. Talk sweet the whole time.
(Does that count as just one thing? Just wondering...)


Notice the primary difference in this and the requests from men is the "talk sweet" instead of "talk dirty." If you want to talk dirty, you should do it in another language so I can imagine it is something sweet.

Is this just a stereotype or is this the way men and women really are? I know I'm not exactly repulsed by dirty talk, but I'm more likely to find it funny than erotic. I'm a sucker for a smooth-talker, though. Hmmmmm....

There is hope for you, though. There is always the chance that funny could become playfully erotic.

gigglygigglygirlyrollyeyes
[> [> Subject: All a matter of perspective...


Author:
Cicero
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 09:21:51 12/31/01 Mon

Dirty talk is all in the mind of the beholder....a woman doesn't have to talk like a slut in order to arouse a man's inner passion to heightened states. Something as simple as asking, "I was wondering if you taste as good as you look?" would suffice to turn up the heat. Men's imaginations don't need lots of prompting.
[> [> [> Subject: Re: All a matter of perspective...


Author:
WN
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 07:51:13 01/01/02 Tue

"I was wondering if you
>taste as good as you look?" would suffice to turn up
>the heat. Men's imaginations don't need lots of
>prompting.

"Your face or mine" works well, too :)
[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: All a matter of perspective...


Author:
IF
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 19:17:15 01/01/02 Tue

>"I was wondering if you
>>taste as good as you look?" would suffice to turn up
>>the heat. Men's imaginations don't need lots of
>>prompting.
>
>"Your face or mine" works well, too :)

I trade personal favors of an oral nature for graphics useful to an online lit class or a child's web page. Just e-mail the graphics, and...wink, wink...
[> [> [> Subject: Oh my...


Author:
ShyGuy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 07:25:41 01/02/02 Wed

Original creations or...???
[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Oh my...


Author:
S
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 07:36:44 01/02/02 Wed

>Original creations or...???

No clip art...sheez...I'm not that cheap.
[> [> Subject: Sex and guilt


Author:
PsychoBabble
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 12:45:42 01/02/02 Wed

Because of negative conditioning, guilt about the mere existence of sexuality (sex guilt) is endemic in western culture. Yet the duty of sex-acceptance means we should eschew this guilt in ourselves. Moreover we are under a duty not to implant or nurture guilt in another person, particularly a child, because of their sexual organs, functions or desires, or because of their sexual acts where these are not immoral. When we encounter such guilt we should where possible help to alleviate it.

Very interesting article in entire > http://www.francisbennion.com/page171.html
[> [> [> Subject: Re: Sex and guilt


Author:
S
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 13:15:20 01/02/02 Wed

I thought we establish da rulz earlier.

1) Don't lie to nobody.
2) Don't willingly hurt nobody (unless, of course, you've already told nobody like a gazillion times "I don't want to hurt you, but...)

I can't remember the rest of da rulz. What were they again?


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