| Subject: Rules for writing wicked good papers |
Author:
aileen
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Date Posted: 16:36:13 12/27/01 Thu
RULES FOR WRITING WICKED GOOD PAPERS
Shun and avoid the employment of unnecessary, excess extra words.
Make certain all sentences are full and complete. If possible.
At all costs, avoid cliches as you would the plague.
Take pain's to spell and, punctuate correctly."
BE Consistent.
Don't approximate. Always be more or less precise.
Sedulously eschew obfuscatory hyperverbosity or prolixity.
Avoid pointless repitition, don't repeat yourself unnecessarily.
Observe, in all written expression, it is, of the foremost qualification-- if not, certainly not or less than-- at least definitely secondary then, the importance, or whenever possibly trying, so that when except where it cannot be avoided and/or in further necessary development it becomes imperative to omit, yet, remember without fail (for this must not be underestimated) to be brief and clear. This is vital.
Always try to remember t he/###### extreme importance of being accurit; nea t, and carrful.
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GRAMMAR RULES FOR THE UNENLIGHTENED; OR, HOW TO WRITE GOOD
Don't use no double negatives
Don't never use no triple negatives.
No sentence fragments
Corollary: Complete sentences: important.
Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
All generalizations are bad.
Corollary: All statements must be specific.
Never listen to advice.
Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.
A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
Anarchy should be the law.
Corollary: I will establish democracy by dictatorial decree.
Everyone should be a non-conformist.
People who insult others are jerks.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
Death to intolerance.
Down with categorical imperatives.
Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever...if you get my drift...
Nobody has a right to his opinion.
Never contradict yourself always.
Good people like I are never self-righteous.
You should never use the second person.
The passive voice should never be used.
We Scorpios don't believe in astrology.
When dangling, watch your participles.
Why no, Ossifer, I'm not under the alcofluence of incohol.
Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland...
Always do what is right, even if it's wrong.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!
Remember to end each sentence with a period
Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
Don't use question marks inappropriately?
Don't be terse.
Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.
Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.
Stop calling me immature or I'll tell on you.
Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.
Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.
We will fight to the death for our pacifist aims.
Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.
Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.
Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
Don't use no double negatives.
Use the semicolon, always use it where it is appropriate; and never use it where it isn't.
Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
No sentence fragments.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
Eschew dialect, irregardless.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
Hyphenate only between two syllables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
Write all adverbial forms correct.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
Take the bull by the hand avoid mixed metaphors.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation' marks."
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
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