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Date Posted: 18:43:07 06/24/02 Mon
Author: BY7:30
Subject: Prime Candidate

Television flickerings keep me company through the day and
late into the night-

My time is standing still, while gravity takes its place on others and they smile in the light of my dreams. I feel I may never attain that validation. Balloons obstrust my view and I can't see behind me, so I drive carefully. My babies are grown and I can't move past all the amazing sparkling moments I never saw or polished until locked in a place where I can only feel the absense my corners created.

I'm restless and moving on. I'm lonely again. I'm blaming everyone for my misery and I believe I am not at fault. I'm poking and proding for diamonds when they don't exist, and I am afraid to drink tap water. When did my insanity take on this form?

I won't pet my cat, and I am detatched from her sobs because she'll die one day. I never said I wasn't selfish. My grandmother is going away and I have been notified that no, I didn't win the lottery- I was elected prime candidate to grow up.

Quite often the phone doesn't ring and I bury my head under the covers until my face tingles. Or dream about the days when I wasn't too paranoid to smoke a cigarette.

All the woman I was- the beautiful being that caught the eye is pushed under the bed. And I can't get to her nomatter how many attempts . . . and everyone knows it. And if they didn't they do now.

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