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Date Posted: 14:32:01 02/13/02 Wed
Author: Porthos
Subject: Guilt

Guilt

Down the hill
With heavy steps.
A bed of leaves inches thick
Clings to my legs,
Like walking in snow that
Crackles.
These wooded hills,
These hairy breasts,
Roll and come together
Like the folds of a fat
Naked body.
At the bottom, water
Rapes the shale,
Tears at it with its horrible
Translucent form.
Bobbing softly next
To the sheer shore
Floats a corpse,
A brown four-legged corpse.
The deer’s wet fur sticks to its body
Like the clothes of a burn victim.
Legs, stiff like pool cues go
Straight down into the deep blue shadows.
I cock my head to one side.
Its white tail hangs like a limp veil
That I am compelled to lift.
I search blind in the crinkling snow
Until my hand finds a stick, heavy
And wet in its home.
Slowly I move the wooden finger
To the base of the soft sallow curtain.

I am in preschool all over again.
Jenny locks her bedroom door,
Locks us inside,
And removes her Osh Kosh clothing.
It falls to the floor and lays on the bourbon
Carpet, like a little girl napping.
I stare at her warm hairless body,
Blond locks curling around her neck
Like golden retriever pups nuzzling
Their mother. My face is hot like
The time my father made me a Hot Tottie
When I had a terrible cough.
Jenny turns and bends over giggling.
She grasps her small round butt with
Her small slender hands
And I smile.

The shroud now removed,
My nameless urge is satisfied,
Yet another guides my arm
Back, fist still clenching the stick.
Like a piston my appendage shoots
Forward and stops abruptly with a thud.
The skin doesn’t break, however a patch
Of delicate fur slides into the water.
I again thrust my spear
This time crafting a small crater
With the same jarring thud.
The sound causes my stomach to churn.
I strike it again.
Thud!
“Oh God!”
Thud!
Clumps of hair now float
Around the bloated animal
Like drifting wreckage.
Thud!
This last blow tears the skin,
Birthing blood and sour milk.
My hand relaxes and the stick falls,
Splashing into its cold blue prison cell.
I can’t look at it anymore, this naked
Oozing form.
My skin picks up faint pressure,
The slight weight of filth.
I run home frantic
To shower.

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