VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, [6], 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:39:18 10/15/04 Fri
Author: Nick T.
Subject: they make it impossible for unmarrieds
In reply to: hannah 's message, "Re: Questions for Hannah abaout marriage at ubf" on 18:22:44 10/14/04 Thu

Hannah,

I can tell you some things I experienced before getting an arranged marriage, they may not apply to you.

These things are in regard to second gens:

Some of the things I witnessed or heard about second gens was arranging engagements among children as young as 10, Samuel Lee demanding money from the parents before he would arrange the marriage, and Samuel Lee demanding more money in order to line their child up with someone like a medical school grad.


Here is some of what I experinced personally:

False engagements - I had at least two official false engagements before marriage. It has been very common, they tell you that you have been lined up with a certain person, but there is no way to even talk to that person. Ask some of the older people, they will tell you the same. I was false engaged to a nice lady from Germany one time when she came to Chicago. I was told not to communicate with her, just pray. One day she left the ubf, nobody said anything to me. I found out by asking many months later.

No time to do anything - being in ubf took up so much time and energy there was no way I could even begin to make any relationship with a woman. There was no time to meet anyone, or go anywhere, or do anything. Also, ubf made me so broke I couldn't afford to go anywhere with anyone except to church, and of course going to another church is verboten. Also, it got to the point that talking with a woman was the expression of sinful desire, so I didn't talk to any woman for a number of years. How do you think that prepared me to get married?

ubf leaders kept me away from someone who I actaully did like - This is the one that sticks out the most. There was one lady who I really did like and got to know a little bit, but they intentionally kept me away form her. Instead, they coerced her to instantly marry a guy who she did not even like, and they wound up getting an annulment shortly thereafter. The holy ubf marriage was annulled like it never existed.

ubf leaders steered me toward someone who I knew nothing about - That was how I finally got ubfmarried, with a woman who was a complete stranger to me. I knew nothing about her except what she blared in her testimonies, and some false information that was beat into my head by the ubfKoreans in my fellowship. They said she was a whole lotta things that she was not. They left out a whole lotta things that she actually was. We were both in Chicago, but there was absolutely no relationship between us when we got ubfmarried.

Looking back, I feel the whole process was designed to get me to the point of 'take it or leave it'. Nobody ever asked me who I was interested in, and they made it clear if I showed any interest in someone, they would punish me or humiliate me.


Hannah, I think you are fighting an uphill battle. My perception is that ubf people are treating you with kid gloves now, hoping you will soften in your resolve. They will wait untill you back off some, and then they will begin their machinations. My suggestion is to read books on Christian marriage and relationships, and decide if you can do it by yourself. I do not suggest waiting untill you graduate, as you can make lots of genuine friends and possibly meet a man who is very interested in marrying you. I have heard from Dr. James Dobson, New Life Live Radio etc. that we meet at least five people in our lifetime who are perfectly suited to get married with.

Also, if you go to a healthy church you will see a singles ministry. It may be a culture shock to you after being in ubf, but go and check them out. I did not do this, I regret it. I just regret ever getting involved with ubf.

I feel that getting married at ubf has been the biggest mistake in my life, not soley on the person I married but because our family was abused and manipulated by the very corrupt Chicago ubfleadership. Maybe you could ask them if you really have to get married at ubf to be in ubf. If they don't give you a straight answer, then just figure they are bent on arranging your marriage for you, against your wishes.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:



Post a message:
This forum requires an account to post.
[ Create Account ]
[ Login ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]



Forum timezone: GMT-6
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.